I get so little credit. Really, I do. I sit here, day and night, and I barely get so much as a glance over to see if I’m still living. It’s not like I want to be here, in this nut house, trapped in this tiny space. I have no friends, barely any food, and my only entertainment is watching these goons who live here.



It’s funny how they think they’re alone sometimes. They don’t know that I’m always watching them, always listening to what they’re saying. If only I had a way to communicate with them. I don’t even know what I would say. I would start by asking them to please, bring me home. This, this is not home. Oh, how I miss the Mart...and my friends... I wonder if Big Gil is still there. Ah well, I'm never going back there.


I know what I’d tell them. I’d spill all their secrets. Like that that time little Tommy let his mice collection run wild in the kitchen. Ugh I hate mice. In fact, I hate all land creatures...Or I could mention that time Kara threw a party when her parents weren’t home. I wonder how Ron and Shannon would feel about their little princess and half the junior class getting wasted in their house. But those things would just involve little slaps on the wrist for the kids. I could do way more damage than that.


If I really wanted to, I could destroy this family that has kept me prisoner for all these years. Wouldn’t Ron just love to know about his wife’s “friend” who’s been visiting every Friday morning for the past six months? I think so. I honestly can’t believe Ron hasn’t picked up on it. Isn’t he curious as to why his wife always has to “run to the post office”? Yes, that’s right. Shannon’s “friend” is a postman. Don’t even get me started.



I lost so much respect for her the first time he came over. As soon as I realized what was going on, all I could think about was the kids. What will they think when they find out? And what about poor Ron? Sure, he’s not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but no one should be treated like that. I’ve gotten used to it, the horror of Friday mornings, but it still kills me every time I see them together. Maybe it gets me so much because I see how Ron looks at Shannon when they’re together. He has so much more respect for her than Mr. Postman does. He loves her so much more. How could she hurt him like that?



Sometimes I don’t understand people, especially the ones who live here. They have such a hard time respecting and loving the ones who respect and love them the most. Shannon loves her son, and what does he do to repay her? He infests her kitchen with mice. Or Kara, who’s parents love her and care about her more than any of her party-going friends do, yet she still goes against their rules and throws a huge party. And of course, who could forget about poor Ron. His wife is the reason he gets out of bed in the morning, and she cheats on him with a postman.


Humans are so stupid, and selfish, and mean. Maybe they wouldn't have problems if they just loved the people who love them. Back home, we weren't deceitful and rude. We actually cared, and made that clear to one another. But hey, what do I know? I’m just the family fish. Get me back to the Mart. At least there they give you more than a pinch of food.