Act 1-Scene 3:
(Nurse and Alabaster walk on stage. The knock on the door of Rudolph’s house. Comet is at the door.)
Nurse: (desperate) Comet, what do you mean Rudolph can’t come to court? Every reindeer needs to come!
Comet: Sorry, Rudolph got on a sugar high, and he crashed. His nose even turned green. You don’t want jury member’s singing, “Rudolf the green nosed Reindeer.”
Alabaster: He does have a point…
Nurse: But who will fill in for Rudolph. Dasher and Dancer all ready called in for an “appointment” and Vixen says he’d rather sleep in…
Comet: Well, we can send in some of the interns!
Nurse: Interns? Aren’t they a little inexperienced in this level?
Comet: (assuring) Don’t worry it’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not like they have anything better to do. We barely use them on the sleigh, so they just sit around and eat cookies.
Alabaster: (thinking) Sounds good to me. How many do we have.
Comet: Well let’s see…Julia is on vacation. And the triplets are working at their second job…
Nurse: Second job?
Comet: Yeah they’re only here from October through Christmas. That would leave us with five interns. But I think two of them have to visit their families in some other third-world country. So I guess that gives us three.
Nurse: Great! That will give us eight! Ok, the rest of the reindeer you talk to Alabaster. To think we only needed seven and we got eight! Won’t the judge be surprised. (walks off stage)
Comet: Hey if you only need seven can I take the day off? I have a video game I need to complete.
Alabaster: (flabbergasted) Of course not! Now go get cleaned up for tomorrow! (Comet walks off stage. Alabaster knocks on Miedo’s door) Hello?
Miedo: (screams) Augh! Stay back! I have Anthropophobia.
Alabaster: I beg pardon.
Miedo: I have fear of people.
Alabaster: No need to fear I am an elf. (Miedo calms down) I believe your name is Miedo, correct? Odd name.
Miedo: Funny thing my name actually mean fear in Spanish. Kind of ironic because I have Phobophobia. Or fear of having fears. Ironic isn’t it?
Alabaster: Interesting, anyway we are acquiring jurors for the case of Santa’s murder. You are in all ways required to come.
Miedo: I can’t come
Alabaster: For goodness sake! Why not?
Miedo: Because I have dikephobia. Fear of justice. I wouldn’t survive in a courthouse. In fact, I’ve never left my house!
Alabaster: Well, you are going to get out of there tomorrow. By the way might you have pantophobia? The fear of everything?
Miedo: (laughs) Don’t be ridiculous. In fact quite the opposite, I have pantopantophobia which is fear of fearing everything?!
Alabaster: Why I say you just made that up! Just get ready for tomorrow. (Miedo runs off stage. Alabaster knocks on Elijah and Maxx’s door) Hello you must be Elijah and Maxx. You have been summoned for jury duty.
Maxx: What! WHAT DID HE SAY??? (Maxx is deaf and Elijah is blind. Elijah whispers something into Maxx’s ear) Oh why hello. I’m Maxx and this is Elijah. We’d love to come to jury duty.
Alabaster: Yes I heard that Maxx is deaf and Elijah is blind. Maxx may I ask you
Why your name has two X’s? (Elijah whispers in Maxx’s ear. Whenever anyone talks to Maxx, Elijah just whispers in his ear)
Maxx: It’s how Elijah tells me to spell it.
Alabaster: (confused) But wait isn’t he blind oh never mind. Also how can you not hear what I say yet whenever Elijah whispers something in your ear you understand what I’ve said.
Maxx: You may ask me that question, but I can ask you how many licks does it take you to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Alabaster: (confused and irritated) Well I don’t know that. I’m a doctor you know. I don’t like to eat much sugar.
Maxx: Well if you don’t answer my question I won’t answer yours. I guess the world may never know.
Elijah: We’re getting off the main subject. Maxx and I will be at jury duty tomorrow.
Alabaster: Excellent! I guess I have all the jury members! Now who knows what will happen tomorrow at the court house.
Act 1 Scene 4:
(Scene opens up to a courtroom all the members are in even the Bailiff except for the jurors and the Judge)
Nurse:
(worried) Alabaster, where are the Jurors and Judge Frosty? We need to start the case.
Alabaster:
(annoyed) Like I’m supposed to know.
Joey:
(stands up) I’ll be the Judge!
Attorney Popsicle:
Sit down you dope! (Joey sits down) you’re the one who we are deciding if you’re guilty or not.
Joey:
(flabbergasted) And why would that be?!
Attorney Popsicle:
Because YOU are the cook. And Buddy the elf brought in the cookies and milk that YOU supposedly gave to Santa as a treat. Then Santa coughed and died, because of his problem with bronchitis. That is why we are deciding if you are guilty or not.
Joey:
Wow, I still think your story is a little weak.
Attorney Popsicle:
Well it’s the TRUTH
Joey:
Why can’t women learn to let go?
Attorney Popsicle:
(flabbergasted) And what’s that supposed to mean?
Joey:
Remember when we dated. Worst relationship ever! That’s why you’re on the prosecution because you want me to be guilty because I broke up with you.
Popsicle:
Wow…I’m here because I almost graduated law school. Never got enough money for college so you know…came here to get money…
Joey:
(surprised) Wait a minute! We don’t get paid. Besides what University would accept you into law school.
Popsicle:
The university of NONE OF YA BUSINESS! (Judge Frosty and the jury members walk in Elijah bangs into the wall and Miedo faints on the floor)
Judge:
(annoyed) Can someone please pick him up off the floor? We’ve got a case to settle in two hours. (Prancer picks up Miedo)
Prancer:
Why do we need to get it done so quickly?
Judge:
Because I left my water on at home. Enough questions, Bailiff!
Bailiff:
(stands up) Oh right! All rise for the most honorable Judge Frosty etcetera, etcetera…and so on (people stand up) Ok you can all sit down (people sit down)
Judge:
OK Joey is guilty case is closed…(everyone begins to stand up)
Bailiff:
Wait! Everyone sit down! (everyone sits) Judge don’t we have to let the defendant testify first?
Judge:
OH right! OK defendant you may speak…
Joey:
(stands up) OK well all I have to say is that I just made the cookies and milk with tenderness and love of my heart. And only a cruel viscous monster would poison the cookies.
Popsicle:(stands up) You mean a cruel boyfriend like you?
Joey:
Get over it Blondie. You seemed to move on pretty quickly anyway.
Judge:
Order in this court!
Joey:
Judge, attorney Popsicle is psychotic can I please have another attorney?
Judge:
How about the jury takes a vote…