A terrible fatigue pressed down on me. My body ached from all the fluids floating in it and the side effects they brought along. The tubes inserted bothered me less by the minute. A certain numbness washed over me, almost an escape to the pain I had endured these past days since the accident. Maybe God was already rewarding me with the slow absence of emotions.
The exhaustion began dominating my body. Other times I had resisted the urge to surrender so easily but now there was something different.
Passed the pained faces of those who watched me, there was a sudden faint glow in the far end of the pale dim halls. I stared at it, enchanted by what it offered me and the relief I would finally find.
I did the unthinkable.
I stood up from bed, finding no trouble with the mess of tubes attached to me. All felt easy. I had been craving this feeling and escape for a while. I had finally found the solution to everything, to life.
I turned back one last time, standing at the center of the white room. There, I laid in bed, eyelids closed, deep engraved circles underneath my eyes, translucent skin, thin body and appearing to break anytime. Despite my deteriorated state, I looked peaceful. Even more peaceful than the endless times during my night strolls. The wind had stroked my hair and caressed my face, a subtle gesture from it.
Now, though, a stronger force, more powerful than a force of nature, pulled me to it, called me by name.
For a brief moment, I glanced at my mother, father and sister, their faces crumpled and holding onto vain hope.
I headed in the direction of the magnetic light, passing the door to my room and walking through the deadly hall.
As I set out, life memories flashed by me.
My first birthday party; Minnie Mouse theme.
My first day at school. I cried as my mom left my side.
In first grade, I got the worst haircut.
I also met my best friend.
The weeks in a new school when I had no friends.
Moving to another new school in third grade and having to start all over. Tomboy era.
The chaotic fourth grade science project with edible crystals.
Junior high years filled with gossip, rumors and not quite friends. Shallow Barbie moments.
Crushes. Lost count. Some only lasted a week.
My first day of high school. Terrifying and exciting.
Trying to fit in.
Finally finding my crowd.
Taking extra AP courses, staying late to study and praying for the next day’s presentation.
Junior year.
SAT, ACT, mountains of college brochures, a future awaiting and nothing to stop me.
December 21.
A quick ride to buy a gallon of milk. Then, a speeding black Mustang, like a night shadow sweeping through the streets and then the crash. I finally saw what really happened.
Then, the darkness of the world enclosing and suffocating me. The days I spent drowning a lost sea, not being able to rise to consciousness, farther, capturing their prey and finally me…sinking.
I took the last steps to closer the distance between the light and me. My eyes deciphered what had been behind the thick glow.
A fragile wooden bridge connecting the hall to what I could not make out clearly. Beneath it, an immense fog filled the area, an abyss.
Never so sure of myself, I stepped on the creaking bridge. One foot. The other foot. The hidden force called to me, so enchanting, so right.
When I finished crossing the bridge, I heard the “beep” of the machine next to my limp body. I was dead.