October 23. 2012

Forceful rumbles quiver the house; sinister footsteps pound my ear drums. Cold tears burst open like boiling magma in a volcano. I hear more footsteps, only these ones were different, more, concerned and light. I feel air escape; I look around my room to find my mom hurriedly running into my room and shutting the door behind.

“Mom, what’s that sound?” I say in terror.

“I don’t know,” I could obviously tell she was lying, “just, get under your bed now and don’t come out till I say so!”

I was more frightened from my mom’s fake strength and deep hopelessness, than the closer sounds of this storm. I obey her orders and scurry beneath my bed; to find the necklace my dad bought me a while back. Tears claw my face. I wipe them, but more run down like steam on a mirror.

Gasping air energizes me; I awaken with violent shivering. Every bit of my body felt like it was in the Sahara Desert. Why have I been having that dream for the past three nights? Was it, because mom died, is my dream trying to tell me that my mom hasn’t been as strong as I thought? I remember when I was 8, mom was an emotional wreck. After dad died, she just didn’t know how to go on. She went on a 5 day vacation at some spa up in Maine. I guess she wanted total isolation. After that, she came back the same person she was when dad was alive. That was the best month, but that all changed, she went back to her old ways. Maybe, I should go on a vacation too, just like mom. Who knows if my change will be temporary like her? But, right now I just need to go, and find a new me.








October 28. 2012

Bags, checked. Location, check. New Jocelyn, incomplete. I searched around the web for some vacation spots far away from the windy city Chicago and found the perfect place. It’s called Sing-Song, cheesy name huh? It’s near South America, so that’s a good distance away from the North. Every square inch of this place is utterly dedicated to peace, relaxation, singing and rejuvenation. The part that really interested me was the whole singing thing. I would sing myself to sleep as a child, but I’m far too shy to actually sing in front of people. I saw a catalog for this place, it was breathtaking! Stunning views, every hotel rooms have a view to the dreamy ocean that surrounds the island, exotic birds, attractive people (haha) and a positive aura. This whole thing is defiantly going to be something new for me; it’s not just the fact that instead of the cold and mild Midwestern weather I have sun, sun, and more sun. It’s just that I’m not one to be selfish or do selfish deeds; I’m a person that cares more for other people than me. Plus, spontaneous acts are just not for me, I find them dangerous. I can feel it coursing through me; I’m getting pumped up just writing about it, this is going to be a good thing for me. I know it is.







November 1. 2012

I landed at the island like two days ago; even though it’s been a short amount of time, I LOVE IT HERE. They have so many activities to do around here. My favorite one so far is the karaoke night, let’s just say, I overcome my fear of singing in front of people. Of course it’s just like 15, 20 people there, but that’s a new goal to tackle later on. The food is absolutely satisfying, better than what I can whip up. There’s a spa by the hotel I’m staying at, I’ve gone there every day I’ve been here. They give massages, mud baths, pedicures, manicures, facials and body wraps. That body wrap thing they do makes me feel like sushi (: ! I was right, I did need this, and I haven’t had the dream since I left from Chicago. All the different activities on the island keep me too busy to think about it…or my mom. You know what; this place is just too good to be true. I shouldn’t over-think this though; when I do that I find things that aren’t too good about something. I got to tell you something though, nothing really important but, just me being snoopy. Well, the other night a couple was arguing over what to do that night, the man wanted to go to the karaoke joint and the girl wanted to go to the fire breathing viewing. At the island disturbing the peace is the worst offense ever to do here. So they had to get exiled as a punishment and go back to the “real world”. The thing is I could of sworn I saw them an hour ago when I was walking back to my room. That’s pretty weird because when you get exiled from the island it’s immediate and you can’t return back ever again. When I say them they didn’t seem to be melancholic that they were leaving this paradise at all. They seemed more joyous than anything. That’s kind of odd right? Anyways back to me. I just want my time to relax and have my moment, my selfishness. It’s kinda funny, just 2 days ago I was in depression mode and now I achieved what I wanted this whole time, to be a new me. Well, I gots to be going, going scuba diving soon and I hear a wet suit calling me, bye!








November 3. 2012

Okay remember that couple who I was talking about the other day and how they were supposed to be exiled, but I saw them roaming around? Well, I was right they did get exiled; it was confirmed by someone I met while scuba diving, by the way, he is very attractive. Anyways, I didn’t see them after that, but, I think I know why they were happy when I saw them before. This is going to sound completely crazy, but they got brainwashed! Before you think I’m completely nuts, I have proof. I found out by this thing called eavesdropping and spying. It went a bit like this.

I was walking down the hotel’s hallway, going to jog, because that dinner I had last night made me felt like I gained 10 pounds. As I walked down the insanely brightly colored hallway, with murals on either sides of the wall, I examined the majestic art work. Wow, this is just too beautiful to be kept in this hotel. I defiantly don’t want to leave just yet. I got to the end of the mural and look at the other wall to have my eyes jump again, and my mind trying to find the meaning of the new piece of beauty. Not even half way done with the mural when I hear hush talking through a cracked door. I knew who it was from the thick country accent. It was the girl that got in trouble for arguing with some other lady just for taking the last spot for the mud baths.

Eavesdropping I heard a devious unknown voice mutter, “I hear you got into a bit of a commotion.”

“Yeah, it’s just one of the vacationers were really gettin’ under my skin. I’m a very short tempered person you see, so for her to take my spot for that mud bath. OOH,” the southern belle said, with innocence, hoping it would get her out of being exiled, “I lost it!

I try to figure out who the man was; I inch just a bit closer to find out. I stop, any closer and I would be standing in the door way. I’m sure the belle would reveal his name later on during the conversation. I decided I’d rather listen like this instead.

“Ms. Crawford, I assume you know of the policy. Correct? We do not tolerate and juvenile acts in anyway or form. Meaning you are going to be removed from this island asap. Along with the female you were arguing with.”

The southern belle heartbroken sigh brings her to say, “Yessum sir, I sure nugh know what that means. I will respect your decision, it was outta line and I apologize. May I pack my bags first?”

“That will not be necessary right now Ma’am. You need to go to the main office and tell them you’re leaving and why.”

Whoever that man is, is a sketchy character and persuaded me into finding out more. I distinctly remembered that termination was immediate.


November 4. 2012

Okay so, I followed them out and I figured out who the man was, first of all. He is one of the founders of the island; finding that out made me a bit wary. So, want to know what I found out? Well let me say something first, I completely take back what I said about this “paradise” in the beginning of this journal. This island is completely rigged. It’s not what I expected it to be at all! “Being exiled” is a lie, they don’t exile people! Instead of banishing the people, they take them to another remote location and brainwash them, so they come out a perfect person when they leave the island. Then they get rid of them, oh and the people that don’t get in trouble for anything have a 100% rate of coming back to the island. The thing that makes me mad about that part is the food they serve us and the activities and the attractive people persuade the people to come back, so the founders of the island can make more money. Practically mean they don’t care for their people, they just care for their money. That hurts me, especially because I’m one of those non-selfish people. What kind of a person does that? Oh I know the greedy, shady, selfish, founders of Fakity-Fake Island. Even though the whole trying to make a perfect civilization, by having the perfect people isn’t really a bad thing. But, seriously, trying to forcefully create a perfect civilization is wrong. A perfect civilization cannot be achieved, so if you wanna try it, hey go ahead! I think the whole idea of a perfect civilization is not something to be reached at all. I’m not saying that Sing-Song is a perfect civilization or was a perfect civilization before I found out how corrupt this place is. It was just a place to get rid of my troubles and woes. I must admit that this island made me not think about my nightmares in the beginning of this log. Although I despise just about everything about this island, it was actually a good thing for me. It helped me find a new me; it also made me realize the true evil in people. Not only that, but that sometimes I need to be selfish. One thing I know is I’m leaving today! This whole shady business is something I will not take a part of anymore. Good bye journal.