Your silhouette dances around me. I cannot seem to keep up with how quickly you move. In my mind, I fear my heart of a slower pace will be left in your glorious angelic dust. I watch breathlessly as you bow before me, yet I can tell you are saying goodbye. I see it in your gold-flecked eyes that sparkle with ambition. Your hand slips from mine and I suddenly reach out to you, pleading you not to go. I know you will, but you always return. Your name escapes my lips and my heart shrieks for you, racing beneath the ribs that shelter it. Yet, nothing can protect it from what is about to happen. You seem further away, drifting like a boat on the ocean. No matter how fast I run, you always seem to be farther away from me. With a despairing cry, my knees buckle beneath me. You faltered; I saw it in your eyes. Come back to me. Don’t leave. Tears welled up in my eyes, goose bumps appearing on my skin. In the blink of an eye, you were gone.
Days passed before becoming weeks. My heart was finally repairing itself the best it can. Weeks passed becoming months. I can smile again. I can inhale without the ache. Months become years. I have returned to laughing and socializing. I am a typical teenager again.
I am in the fields again. I know you are here, I can feel your presence like I can feel the wind breathing over my skin. You appear from the bend of the woodlands. Why do you do this to me? The words slip from my lips naturally, the question well-rehearsed. I could feel my heart ache for you, though it knew its own tragic fate. You approach me with caution, letting your fingers linger over my arms, face, neck, and chest. Standing as motionless as I could, I allow you to explore. The question in your eyes shone lively, yet I have no response. Please, don’t leave me again. Stay. Stay with me till the end of time. It was a senseless demand, an impossible one at that. Yet I knew you would answer in the best way you knew how. My head tilts back and you ease down, placing the slightest kiss on my lips. It was as if time was on repeat. We both knew where it would lead us.
Days passed before becoming weeks. My heart let down the guard it had built up. Weeks passed becoming months. I allow you to steal myself away. Months become years. You are deliberately easing away from me. Is it already time for sorrow once again?
This time is different from the rest. We are at the water’s edge and I am waiting. You leisurely took my hand, planting a courteous kiss on the palm of it before stepping onto the water. Dipping yourself, I watch as the water clings to the air behind your back. The water particles seem to form a pair of wings behind you as you turn back to me. You are getting brighter and I knew this was the last time I would see you. Wait! Wait! Please! Don’t go! Take me with you. My begging sounds thoughtless, but I saw the glimmer in your eyes. Yet with such astonishment, I gaze as you come towards me. You hold out a hand and I take it, of course. My heart pounds rapidly in my chest. Then everything went shadowy. I could feel your hand, but nothing more.
Maybe it was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention to how high or rough the water had become when I took his hand. I suppose I should have detected the pain in his eyes. All this while, he was trying to protect me from the wickedest experience of my life. Death is bittersweet. I often stand in this darkness wondering what would have happened if I had done something different. Yet, I suppose I am okay with how I am now. It could be worse. I could be in H*ll. So for now, I’ll wander Earth with this gold-flecked eye boy. Love is worth dying for, even if the afterlife isn’t exactly what I predicted it to be.