March 1, umm...not sure

I don't know what's wrong with him really. He's been acting bizarre and I don't know why. It's like he's forgotten who he is in a sense. I "fixed" the TARDIS, but he didn't blink. He's been walking around in a daze and it's pretty scary, well...scary for the Doctor I mean, because when you're with him...everything can get a little bit scary, but that's why I love him I guess. Only, he doesn't know it, but he probably does, because he IS the Doctor and he knows everything. He tells me stories about things he's done and the places he's seen, but he never talks about his prior companions. He probably doesn't want to hurt me, but I wouldn't mind.

I ask him about the blonde one...Rose, and he tears up a bit. I don't really know why, I just know that they have a history together. Romantic? Friendly? Who knows with this guy. I've walked in on him crying in his sleep and it broke my heart to pieces to see him hurt. He kept muttering something about "Bad Wolf". I didn't know fairytales and nursery rhymes scared him like that. Speaking of fairytales, I took him for a walk in New York. How'd we get there? I'm getting pretty good at flying the TARDIS. He would fly it but he's...useless. Anybutton, I kinda need to work on my landing. We were supposed to land quietly on a far off hill in Central Park, but we landed in some cemetery. I tried to get him to leave but he kept staring at some tombstones. I walked over to him and I saw little ancient tears spilling out of his eyes. I looked down at the graves and I saw "Rory and Amy Pond" and he said, in this far-off voice, "Amelia Pond. Like something out of a fairytale." I feel like I've heard those names before, but I'm not really sure. I let him grieve, then I guided my favorite emotional wreck back into his not-so-humble abode so we could get away from the place that took my love away from me.

A few weeks ago we were paid a visit from a lady in an astronaut suit. She seemed to be able to cheer him up and get him back to normal, but what is normal when you're with the Doctor? She introduced herself as River Song. I asked what it meant and she said it was the Gallifreyan translation for "Melody Pond". Pond. Amy Pond. Mother? Sister? I think there's more to their relationship than meets the eye: the way he looks at her, the way she smiles at him like she knows all his secrets and she's just bursting from the anticipation of being able to tell him one day. That's what I want, but I'm just happy to be in his life as companion number...let's not go there. The Doctor's connections tangle me up in his web more and more each day and I don't want to be set free. He won't open up to me, but he'll open up to some stranger that I've never even met. I try really hard to be what he needs me to be but I can't figure it out. I'm grateful to her anyway. She brought back his smile. Oh how I love his smile! It could light up a room in seconds, just kidding. HE lights up a room. Just his presence makes you want to jump and sing and just start a conversation with him on something you know nothing about, just because he loves it. Sharing a TARDIS with him is the best thing that could ever happen to me. He's my everything. I just wish he could see that.

On a happier note, the Doctor finally feels well enough to go an adventure with me!!! I guess I'm not just another companion in his tool belt like that annoying nurse person....Martha, that's her name. Apparently she was a real pain in the butt, with a hopeless schoolgirl crush on the Doctor. How juvenile! He would never have chosen her anyway. She probably didn't understand him the way I do.But, it's been ages since we went out and actually did something fun, not like hanging out with him and picking out his bow ties isn't, because it most definitely is. It's just that I miss being back in the action. Apparently we're going to a place called Trenzalore. Sounds like something out of a Harry Potter novel doesn't it? The good thing about this, is that the Doctor seems to remember who he is. He's 11. My regeneration. My love. My hope and my dream. He's my life and I'm never going to leave him, and you can take that to the Daleks. Tell them to try to exterminate that!

Well, I guess this is good-bye. You wanted to know about how I was doing with the Doctor, but I'm not sure who you are. You've been silent up until this point and I sort of want to know something about you. But I'm guessing this is the last time we're going to chat, but I just want to know: did you give the Doctor the idea to go to Trenzalore? I mean...it's brilliant. But what is it? When the Doctor snapped out of his dream, he seemed troubled. Should I be worried? I'm afraid I already know you won't answer me, but don't harm him okay? Whoever you are, don't hurt my doctor.

Sincerely,

Companion Number...