I was only 15 years old when I killed my sister.
I didn’t mean to kill her; I still wish I had handled things differently. I never once forgot that I was a murderer. I try hard to block out the memory, because if I remember, I’ll start to break down, I won’t be able to breathe. I wish it was me who died that night instead of her. I wish I hadn’t been a coward and ran away, if I stayed, I could have saved her. Sometimes I remember it on purpose, to torture myself in a way that no one else can. I still have Nightmares. That’s the only thing I can’t block out, because the dreams take over. I always wake up crying and screaming. People say it wasn’t my fault, but what they didn’t know, is that it was.

It has been exactly 6 months, 7 days, and 8 hours since Dawn had died.
    I count the days, the months, and soon the years, to remind me of how long my twin has been gone. When we were born, my mother wasn’t expecting twins; then again, the slut wasn’t expecting to get knocked up either. Dawn and I, we’re special in some ways. The night we were conceived, Dawn was born at 12:01 am; whereas I was born at 11:59 pm. Dawn had been born on October 31st, Halloween. I was born on October 30th, All Hallows Eve, both of which are very powerful days, especially since we were born on the night of the new moon. How we got our names, well, we were named based on the time of day we were born.
    My full name is Dusk Jewel Darrison, and Dawn’s is, um, was Dawn Jaclyn Darrison. Kind of funny how my mom thought it was “cool” to give us the same initials. Dawn and I, we look almost nothing alike. Dawn has, err, had long, golden hair that looked like the color of the sun rising. Her bright cat-like yellow eyes always looked happy and gleamed whenever there was a boy that she liked passing by. Dawn was completely boy-crazy, and all the boys were crazy for her.
    I, on the other hand, am almost the complete opposite. My hair is also long, but it falls into slight waves, and is black; as black as night at it’s darkest. My eyes are gray, but not really, they are more towards black, but not quite. The only time my eyes have ever “gleamed” over a guy is if that guy was Emo and made me laugh as I do the same for him. Sure, guys look at me because I have a nice body, but they know their butts are mine if they say any crap about me. The thing is, they never said anything mean about Dawn.
    Dawn wasn’t all looks, though; she was also a Math and Science geek who could probably beat a whole soccer game by herself against the other team. She was okay in Language Arts and Social Studies, but she also asked me for constant help, because I am a “geek” with that. Dawn was everything a girl wanted to be, a daughter all parents wanted to have, and every guys dream girl. Most importantly, she was my sister, my best friend, and I love her.
    The day Dawn died was August 22nd, 2009. I won’t, however, talk about how she died. I can’t think about that right now, not when I know what’ll happen. For a while, I tried to live everyday as if Dawn was still alive. That was a mistake. I broke down multiple times in and out of school. Whenever one of my friends used Dawn’s name and past tenses in the same sentence, I would try to fight back a sob. Another difference between Dawn and me, she hung out with the Preps. I hang out with the Emo, Scene, and Goth, whatever you want to call them. One thing was for sure, though, Dawn always hung out with me in front of her friends.
    Dawn was the person to stop all of the fights. I was the one who started most of them. Dawn was the one to make peace in the school. I was the one to start a riot. Dawn was the one who loved life. I was the one to take that from her.

“To take the life of another is to take a piece of those who loved her…”
 

Waking up in a cold sweat is probably the worst way to start your day.
  Especially when you’re waking up to the Nightmare. The Nightmare that will probably haunt me forever. I lay in bed for about ten minutes and try to put myself back together. Finally I am able to stand, so that’s just what I do. I walk to my closet, still breathing heavily, and try to get out clothes. I take out my favorite band shirt from the latest Stone Sour concert and a pair of black, ripped jeans that have a chain as a belt. I pull my old gray tee shirt over my head and slip off my sweat pants.
    Instead of getting dressed, I walk to the full sized mirror in my room, and touch the scar on my stomach. The scar wasn’t a burn or anything, but made by me in memory of my sister. It says: DTD IMTF. IMTF stands for ‘in my thoughts forever’; I had only learned that from The Last Song, you know, by Nicholas Sparks? Anyway, I finally get dressed and brush through my messy hair. Darkening my eyes with eyeliner, my alarm to leave went off, playing Rockstar by Nickleback. I finished getting ready, grabbed my backpack, and walked to the bus stop. There was already three other kids there chatting away. That is, until I walked up. I stand there quietly as they start whispering, I could hear bits and pieces of what they were saying.

    “…that she was buried alive,”
    “…thought a fire killed her,”
    “…stupid slut Dawn’s dead, good riddance,”

    After hearing that I whipped around and glare at them. I stepped into the third kids face.

    “Dawn was not a slut!” I scream.
    He staggers a few steps back.
    “That says a lot coming from a reject whore,” The second one says.
    “Shut up. I don’t want to hear any crap coming from you about me or my sister, or else,”
    “Or else what?”
    “Or else your ass is mine,” I threaten.

    I wasn’t kidding either, and they all knew that I never bluff. I would gladly kill them, I was already a murderer, what difference would it make?
    The bus arrives and I walk up the steps pissed off. I go straight to the back and sit next to my best friend, Ember. That’s just her nickname, though. Her full name is December Aleca Night. She doesn’t like the fact that she was named after the month of a jolly fat man, short people, and white, frozen water. Her words, not mine. She looks like she should be named Ember instead of December with her short, spiky, fiery red hair and a eyes that are a blue you can only see towards the bottom of an ocean. She always looks ready to kill, and half the time she was.

    “Why are you pissed?” She asks me.
    “The kids at my stop started saying stuff about Dawn,”
    “What were they saying?” Anger tints her voice.
    “They were saying stuff about her death and called her a slut,”
    She’s quiet for a second.
    “Dawn,” Ember hesitates, “what really happened that night?”

    This wasn’t the first time that she had asked me for the truth, and she has a right to know considering she was there. She doesn’t remember it, the fumes from the flames had made her faint, and when she woke up, Dawn was missing. But I don’t tell her, I simply reply with the obvious.

    “She died.” I say in a tone that says: conversation closed.
    “I know! I wake up to her missing! Her blood was on the ground! What the hell happened to her?!” Ember cries.   
    “I can’t!”
    “What?” She lowers her voice.
    “I can’t say what happened to her, I promised,”
    “Who’d you promise?”
    “That would be telling,” I say kind of eerily.
    “When can you tell me? Dusk, I need to know,” Ember pleads.
    “When it’s been one year and ten days after her death,”
    “I’ll be counting, how long has it been anyways?”
    “6 months, 8 days, and 7 hours,” I say automatically.
    “Okay,”
    “Alright, subject dropped,”
    “For now,” She mutters.
    “Yes,” I say, “for now,”

    We were silent for a while. I took a notebook out of my bag. The notebook held many quotes that I thought of or liked. The first page read:

    “To tell is to give in; to give in is to give up.”
                -Dusk Darrison
    “Never say never, it just means you don’t want to try.”
                -Dusk Darrison
    “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”
                -Gandhi
    “To look down on yourself is like looking down on a pile of crap. Look up to the sky at its beauty, just as you should yourself.”
                -Phoenix Drake

    I close the notebook when we arrive at the school. I walk off the bus and push past the students, Ember trailing behind. I hold myself high as we walk into the school and walk to our lockers. We unlock our lockers and take out our stuff. I close mine to see someone leaning against the lockers.
    It was my best guy friend, Phoenix Drake. I swear to God that he is the most gorgeous Emo on the face of this Earth. He has black, Emo hair with a blue streak going through his bangs and his eyes were a cat-like emerald green that looked straight into your soul. We are so much alike and he understands me better than anyone. The problem isn’t that he didn’t like me or that he has a girlfriend. I wish it was that, but, yes, as strange as it seems, the problem is the fact that, Phoenix Drake, the gorgeous Emo, is gay, and totally out.

    “Hey, sexy thing,” Phoenix grins. My heart stops.
    “Hey, boyfriend,” I tease.
    This was a daily routine for us. Most people say that if Phoenix wasn’t gay, we should date. I wish.

    “How’s life?” I ask.
    “Life is life,”
    “Interesting.”
    “Hey, love birds, I’m still here!” Ember says.
    “Who’re you calling ‘love birds’?” Phoenix asks playfully
    “Yeah,” I nudge her, “You’re the one who's so in love with your boyfriend, um, what’s his name again?”
    “Darion,” She emphasizes.
    “Damien, got it,” I joke.
    “Ha, funny,” A voice says from behind.

    Darion walks up with a big smile on his face, obviously enjoying the entertainment we provide. He brushed a hand through his spike-y blond hair, his brown eyes dancing. Darion wrapped his arms around Ember’s waist and kissed her.

    “Get a room!” Phoenix laughs.   
    “Gladly,” Darion smiles.

    We all start walking off to our first hour class when a jock pushes me into a locker. They started to walk off. I’m pissed.

    “Hey!” I scream.

    The person turns around.

    “What.” He snaps.

    I walk up to him.

    “Don’t mess with me unless you want a fight,” I push him a little.
    “You think I’m scared of you, Goth Girl?” He steps in my face, that’s a mistake.
    “You should be,” I get so close to his face that I can feel his breath.
    “I’m not scared of a girl,”
    “Neither am I,” I retort.

    I push him harder and he charges at me. Before he could do anything else, I punch him square in the jaw. He staggers back a few feet and charges again, ready to punch me. I duck and trip him. Little did he know, my dad taught me defense and offensive moves, whereas this stupid jock probably only knew body boxing. As he lay on the floor, I kneel down beside him, get in his face, and slap him. He starts to get up when I realize that we had an audience. I smile in an evil way and start to walk away. I then turn around and face him; he was holding his hand to his face.

    “I told you, I’m not afraid of girls,” And with that, I walk away.


“Let’s start a riot! A riot!”-Three Days Grace
 

“We had fire in our eyes!”
I began singing at the lunch table.
    “In the beginning, I!” My friend, Poppy, joined in.
    “Never felt so alive!” I sing.
    “In the beginning, you!” Phoenix joins.
    “You blame me, but!” Ember sings.
    “It’s not fair when you say that I didn’t try!” Poppy and I sing.
    “I just don’t want to hear it anymore!” Ember and Phoenix scream.
    “I swear I never meant to let it die!” I sing.
    “I just don’t care about you anymore!” We all scream.

    We start laughing at our randomness. That’s the one song that Poppy and I would sing for the talent show…if we ever actually entered. Poppy is fun to hang out with, and even though she’s really depressed, she’s been extremely happy ever since she started dating her boyfriend, Casper. Another nickname earned from being a white-blond, silver-eyed gorgeous Emo. His real name is Jasper, but everyone calls him Casper. Poppy has chocolate brown, yes, Emo style hair with pink streaks going through her bangs and violet eyes. She is probably the only person who has a chance when fighting me. She may look all sweet and innocent…at first, but piss her off and you’re screwed.
    Poppy and I weren’t very close until Dawn had died. Instantly coming to my rescue, she became one of my best friends. There are many people who sit at our table, most are Emo. Thought about 17 sit here, only 14 are a part of our group.
    The people in our group consist of me, Ember, Phoenix, Darion, Casper, Poppy, Azreael, Siebella, Skythe, Capricorn, Venom, Envy, Angel, and Ivy. Only four of us here are single, and no one is dating who you would expect. Ember and Darion have been dating for a year and three months and are in complete love. We never thought they would date; they used to ‘hate’ each other. Every day they would fight, and Ember always had to one up him, well, that is until the day they got into a huge fight…

    Ember storms into the lunch room and walks straight up to Darion.

    “I know you did it!” She screams.
    “Did what?” Darion, failing, tries not to smile.
    “Replaced the shampoo bottle I brought to take a shower in gym with hair dye!” Ember’s hair was bright purple.
    “Would I do that?” Innocently, he asks.
    “Yes! You hate me that much!” She screams and steps in his face.
    “Why would you think I hate you?” He’s suddenly serious.
    “I know you do! You always have! You are always annoying me and pulling this crap on me!”

    Instead of responding, or screaming back, he fills the small space between them and kisses her.

    “I’ve never hated you. Nor have I ever liked you,” he tells her.
    “Then why the hell did you just kiss me?!” She cries.
    “I don’t hate you. I don’t like you. Not even a little bit. I am in complete love with everything you do, and with you,” he says seriously.

    That was how it all started with them and they’ve been inseparable since. The next couple is Poppy and Casper. They’ve been dating six months and are slowly falling in love, though more Poppy than Casper, he’s kind of a flirt. They never really said how they started going out, it kind of just happened. Then we have Azri and Skythe. They’ve been going out for about nine months by now. They haven’t said it yet, but you can tell they love each other. They could just be scared of saying it, but you never know. Siebella and Capricorn have been dating three months. Siebella loves Capri (His nickname), but he doesn’t feel the same for her. Envy and Venom have been dating for seven months and are definitely in love. Trust me; they are not afraid to kiss in front of me, if not make-out.
    Those of us who are single, it’s kind of complicated. You see, Ivy (A.K.A Ivory) really likes Capri, and he likes her, but they don’t want to hurt Siebella. Phoenix is gay and none of the guys here are really his ‘type’. Angel really likes, well, me and isn’t afraid to show it. I kind of like him, too, but I’m not looking to date right now. I feel bad, but he said he would wait, which made me feel worse. I remember the first time he asked me out, he wrote me a poem. I almost said yes, it was so sweet. It said:

From the moment we met,
I knew I was changed
In heart, body, mind, and soul
No one compares to my feelings for you
I only hope you feel the same way, too
If not, I guess that’s okay
I’ll wait for you to be mine one day

    I had just about cried. I told him I needed time, but that I do like him. He said it was fine and that he would wait for me, but I don’t want him to wait for me, in case I end up hurting him. I mean, he’s okay looking; some girls have even called him hot. Some days he is, if that even makes sense. Angel has short, black hair and nice copper eyes. It may sound plain, but it’s the way he holds himself that makes him look good. It reminds me of Skythe, except it’s his eyes that make him so hot. He has plain brown hair that he never wears a certain way, but his eyes are a blackish-blue color and shine like crystals. Especially when Azri is around. Anyway, back to reality…

    “Dusk, why don’t you and Poppy sing another song?” Angel asks.
    “Sure?” I ask Poppy.
    “Okay, just follow after me, Dusk.”
    “You got it,” I say.
    “I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known, don’t know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone,” Poppy starts singing Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
    “I walk this empty street, on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, where the city sleeps, and I’m the only one and I walk alone,” I sing.

    The table says: I walk alone, I walk alone, I walk alone, I walk a…

    “My shadow’s the only one that walks besides me!” Poppy sings.
    “My shallow hearts the only thing that’s beating!” I sing.
    “Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me! Till then I walk alone!” We all sing.

    Just as we were about to continue singing, the bell rings and we have to go to our seventh hour class. That is Spanish for Envy and I. She gets up and straightens her black tank top. Before we go to Spanish, we go to the bathroom to fix our hair and makeup. Envy walks to the first mirror. She applies mascara, enhancing her black eyes. She fixes her black, pixy-like hair. If it weren’t for the green tips in her hair, her eyes and hair would be the same color. She was extremely pale, but that only made her more beautiful.

    “Is my hair good?” She asks.
    “Yeah,” I say.
    “Okay, good. Let’s go.”
    “Wait. I’m going to use the bathroom.” I say.
    “Okay, whatever.”

    I walk to the third stall, and smell something weird. It didn’t smell bad, but not good either. I open the stall and freeze. On the wall behind the toilet, written in blood:
    Dawn Has Risen.

I feel a tear fall down my face, a single tear.
            I hear footsteps from behind me. It was Envy. I hear her gasp and take a shaky breath.
          
            “Ohmygod,” She says.
          
            I couldn’t speak; I was afraid of my own voice. Seeing the blood and Dawn’s name suddenly brought back images from her last night. Her face as I ran for safety, Ember passed out, the forest where it all happened. I was struggling to stand. Envy tried to hold me up, but she wasn’t balanced either.

            “Dusk,” She whispers.

            I don’t answer.

            “Dusk!” She shakes me.
            “What?” My voice cracks.
            “We have to get out of here.”
            “Yeah,” I still don’t move.
          
            She pulls me a little and I start walking slowly, never taking my eyes off the stall. The smell of blood carries, and I want to puke. Tears are still streaming down my face as we walk through the halls. Envy is quiet as a mouse. We walk down to the Main Office. There is a line, but my mind starts working again, so I push past the others.

            “You need to come with us!” I scream.
            “Ms. Darrison! What is going on here?” The secretary is startled.
            “Blood! On the bathroom walls!” Envy screams.
            “What are you talking about?!” The secretary says in disbelief.
            “Oh my god, just come with us!” I go behind the counter and pull on the secretary’s sleeve.

            We hurry into the bathroom and open the stall. I looks in and sees…nothing. There’s nothing there. I cannot believe my eyes. I hadn’t imagined the writing on the wall. Envy saw it too!

            “Ms. Darrison, I do not see any blood.”
            “But, it was there! We both saw it!” Envy screamed.
            “Then you are both delusional!’
            “That’s screwed up. We both saw it.” I say
            “Ms. Darrison! I do not appreciate that language!”
            “And I do not appreciate you!”
          
            The secretary said no more and walked out of the bathroom, knowing she wasn’t going to win this one. I sighed and sat on the floor, leaning my head against the cool tiles on the wall.
          
            “God, I hate her.” Envy said, sitting next to me.
            “Envy, it was there. I saw it.”
            “I know, I know…”
            “How could it disappear? How??”  I start to cry
          
            Envy wraps her arms around me, not sure what to say. What could someone say? My cries got louder as the memories came flooding into my mind.
          
            “No! Please, God, no!” I scream.
            “Dusk! What is it?” Envy panics.
            “The memories! I can’t remember! I’m not allowed to remember yet!!”
            “Remember what? Dusk, talk to me!”
            “From the night Dawn died…they said I’m not supposed to remember until it’s been one year and ten days!”
            “I thought you remembered! And who said you can’t remember?”
            “I only remember what they told me to…Oh, God. Here it comes!”  I scream again.
            “It’ll be okay…I’m here,” Envy soothes her.
          
            It’s midnight. The day is August 22nd, 2009. I’m just coming home from the mall, so excited to finally be going to a party tonight. It's my first party with my best friend and sister, Dawn. Dawn was always invited, but never me until now. I guess it’s because I finally look like a girl. I remember having Dawn help me choose my outfit. A black mini skirt with chains, fishnet leggings, stiletto boots, and a skull tank top that says: Death is the hardest thing about Life.
            Dawn walks into my room all dressed and ready to go. Her long, golden hair is curled and pulled back. She has on a little bit of make-up, but just a little. She doesn’t need much to be pretty, nonetheless stunning. She’s wearing a tight yellow tank top, shorts, and strappy heels. She sits down on my bean bag chair and leans back.
          
            “You almost ready, chica?” She asks.
            “Uhm, just about. How should I put my hair?” I ask.
            “Straighten it. Then put some of that sparkle stuff into so it’ll shimmer against your gorgeous black hair. I am so jealous.” She laughs.
            “Please, you so are not. You’re a freaking blonde goddess, all guys worship at your feet, ready to do your bidding.” I joke.
            “Just as you are a goddess of the night, all vampires are ready for your command.” She comes back with.
            “Ooh, good one, Twin. That one almost hurt.” I fake being wounded.
            “Just get your shoes on and let’s go.”
            “Wait, is Lynn still picking us up?”
            “Yeah, and she’s waiting. Come on.”
          
            I grab my purse and we walk out of the house into Lynn’s car. Lynn is Dawn’s best friend, and she hates me. Lynn has short brown hair, and dull brown eyes. She only hangs out with Dawn because she’s pretty. Dawn knows it, too, but she doesn’t care. She prefers popularity sometimes, but she really does have a good heart.

            “Alright, let’s drive!” Lynn says as she pulls out of the driveway.
          
            I stare out and the window and hope to see my friends at the party.
          
            “So, Dusk, I love the new hair. Did you fall into a glitter pit?” Lynn says
            “So, Lynn has anyone ever told you; this is a No Hoe Zone.” I snap.
            “Okay, will you two just shut up?” Dawn says
            “She started it. “ I say and realize how much I sound like a damn five year old. So just to top it off, I stick out my tongue.
            “Real mature.” They both say.

            A few minutes later I can hear the obnoxious music blaring from the woods and can instantly smell the booze. I jump out of the car and go towards the bon fire. Phoenix walks up to me, well, stumble’s, and puts his hand on my shoulder.

            “Ohmygod, look who’s smhere! It’s Du-du-Dusk!!” Phoenix slurs.
            “Are you drunk?’ I try not to laugh
            “No! Well, maybe a shmit.”
          
            I just laugh and sit on the log in front me. I grab a beer and start drinking. It just can’t get better than right now. This night is going to bed fantastic. A few drinks later, everyone is either buzzed or so drunk you don’t notice how much you really drank. I was in between the two. All night long I was hanging onto Angel, and I don’t remember why. All I remember is that he was past drunk.

            “Why don’t we go into the trees?” He asked
            “I think you need to sit down…” I say
            “No…okay.”

I walk away and see my sister and Ember walking into the woods, so I decide to follow.

            “Yo! It’s my maaiinnn woman Dusk! What up?!” Ember screams.
            “What are you guys doing out here?” I ask.
            “Nuffin Muffin!”  Dawn laughs.
            “Let’s go.” I say.
            “What are ya scared, Dusk? It’s just some trees and some grass and some, uh, woods!!” Ember starts laughing along with Dawn.
            “Okay…”

            So we walk into the woods and I hear a noise. It was like someone had stepped on a bunch of leaves.
          
            “Did you hear that?” I ask.
            “Hear what?” Ember stops walking.
            “That noise, like someone’s following us.”
            “Oh, stop being such a damn baby! I mean seriously, Dusk, you gotta” Dawn was suddenly pulled into a bush.
            “DAWN!” I scream.
            “Dusk! Ember!” Dawn cries.
          
            I dive into the bush to see that no one’s there, but when I look ahead I see Dawn being pulled by her hair into the darker parts of the woods. Her screams grew louder and echoed as I ran through the trees. I hear a thud and look behind me; Ember hit her head and was passed out. I don’t even bother to see if she’s okay, all I know is I need to get to my sister. So I run faster. I run until I trip. I run until I’m out of breath. Even then, I still run.

            “Dawn! Dawn, please!” I scream and cry and scream some more.

            The forest is too quiet; I hear my own shallow breaths. I fall down and sob. When I look up, I see a red and orange light, and then I smell burning wood. I get up and run towards the light.

            “Hellppp!!! Someone pleaseee!!” I hear Dawn scream.
            “Dawn!! I’m here, Twin!” I scream.
            “No, Dusk!! He’ll kill you!!”
            “I’m coming, Dawn!”
          
            I see her tied up to a tree, there’s fire burning under her. I don’t see where the person who took her is, maybe he left. I run up to where Dawn is and start to untie her.

            “No! Dusk, don’t! He’ll kill you! Get someone else, get Ember! You cannot die!” Dawn panics.
            “Ember is passed out somewhere way back! I am not leaving you! I refuse to let you go!” I scream at her.
            “I am not letting you die! Ohmygod! Dusk, look out!”

            I turn around and see them, the person who took Dawn away. I scream. I scream so loud that I’m hoping people from the party can hear me. The person lunges for me, I jump. I struggle to untie Dawn as she screams for me to go. I refuse. The knots are too tight.

            “Dusk! Just GO!” She screams again. I ignore her.
“No! I am NOT leaving you!”