Prologue | Teen Ink

Prologue

February 17, 2015
By SamanthaNZ GOLD, Dexter, Michigan
SamanthaNZ GOLD, Dexter, Michigan
10 articles 2 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Well-behaved women seldom make history


March 28, 2961

I stand next to my mother, sobbing into her sleeve. The officers jostle my little sister forward to the edge of the cliff. Does she not realize what is about to happen? Does she not realize that if this goes as the government has planned, we will never see Lily again?


My sister’s black hair is rustling in the cold wind that blow around the small cluster of us. She glances around, sees an officer, giggles and raises her arms up, signifying that she wants to be picked up. She has mistaken the officer with a little black beard for my father. She cooes waiting for the man to hoist her up so that she can see what is on the other side of the gate that divides her from death. She smiles her gorgeously grotesque smile at the officer.


“Up.” She says her first and only word she has learned in her seven years. “Up.” The officers stare with cold, disgusted eyes. They want nothing to do with this disfigured child, the one whom they are morally and legally obligated to dispose of. I wonder how many times they have walked out here, listened to the cries of the children and the whimpers of the mothers. I suspect they have done it enough times to become numb to all this, to block out the sheer anguish of the situation.
“Up.” Lily pleads now, her lopsided eyes beginning to water.
Again, the officers ignore her, but this time two officers step forward, one on each side, like hateful bookends. One grabs her pudgy left arm, the other, her right. They guide and shove her forward, so she is just teetering on the edge of the cliff.


Because of the genetic purity laws, the government has begun to eradicate the line of weak genes that cause developmental problems. So they issued an edict that every child who is born with this deformity must be executed in order to avoid passing down this gene to future generations. They are disposed of in the least difficult way possible, by gravitational pull as it lures them to the bottom of the chasm.

 

It is I who must comfort my mother now, holding her as I can feel her entire body tremble. Every part of her quivers except for her eyes, which remain locked on the little girl is is being precariously standing near the edge of the cliff, her youngest daughter, tottering on the brink of death.


I watch, terrified yet unable to tear my eyes away, as an officer with a small black beard hoists Lily onto his hip. She claps her hands together.


“Up.” She laughs, and the sound echoes off the canyon’s edge as the officer holds her out at arm’s length, her stubby legs dangling over the gap in the earth. She screams in fear and excitement. I wish I could reach out to her, to secure her, and bring her back to my arms. But instead, my fingers have begun to bruise my arms from crossing them so firmly. If I speak up at all, I could be going the same way she is.


Why are they taking her away? She never caused any problems. Even as I think it, I know that isn’t true. She almost killed my mother in childbirth. She nearly lost my father his job. Having a child like her in the family can bring great shame, and my father would have been fired if he had not agreed to this punishment, the one we have been forced to watch.


The officer sighs, unclasps his hands, and lets my little sister fall into the cavern.

 

A little bit of me tumbles into the chasm with her. A bit of me that I will never recover for as long as I live.

How cruel that the girl whose first, last and only word was “Up," had no place to go but down.



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This article has 4 comments.


on Jun. 21 2015 at 6:17 pm
kingofwriters BRONZE, DeWitt, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Books are a uniquely portable magic.&quot; - Stephen King<br /> <br /> I love books, and I love technology, but I don&#039;t want to see the latter overwhelm the former. I just think books are meant to be pages you turn, not screens you scroll through.

Hey! My feedback for this story is finally up on the thread! Hope it helps! Also, ditto on what Beila said; I would refrain from mentioning any specific developmental problems/disabilities until after the prologue, or I would clarify in the prologue that many of Lily's developmental problems are largely due to society's mistreatment of her, not just to Down Syndrome. Going off from that, this story is REALLY good and REALLY haunting. This has potential, and I am all in favor of you expanding this idea!

Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 22 2015 at 3:05 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.&quot; -Mark Twain

Thank you very much for this reply. It's definitely very helpful to hear your perspective and intention in writing the story with this character. I do understand that this is dystopia, not social commentary, but that does have its own implications as well. When you use a term like "Down Syndrome," whether you mean to or not, you reference an existing community of individuals and families to whom this term has very specific applications. However, Down Syndrome is not synonymous with special needs. This is fiction; be creative! You could entirely avoid the baggage of the term Down Syndrome by simply labeling this girl as special needs or developmentally delayed, which is too vague to have any symptom you ascribe to it be considered "wrong." That also gives you the freedom to describe the condition in any way that works to your plot. On the other hand, you could do more research into commonly occurring special needs conditions and find one that more aptly fits the character description you're creating. The way that this chapter is written now implies a link between specifically Down Syndrome and specifically inability to speak. I understand now that this is not your intention, so I think the above ideas are ways to hopefully keep the main gist of the story and character intact while eliminating that implication. Certainly, my first comment was not an attack but an attempt to start a dialogue, and so I did not find your reply at all "insolent" but merely a continuation to the conversation. I appreciate the discussion as much as I would avoid an argument. ;)

on May. 21 2015 at 8:53 pm
SamanthaNZ GOLD, Dexter, Michigan
10 articles 2 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Well-behaved women seldom make history

I acknowledge your comments, and I thank you for your insight into the lives of Down Syndrome children. I also wanted to make it clear that I did not mean to offend anybody with my depiction of Down Syndrome kids. Seeing as this is a piece of fiction, written from the viewpoint of a girl within that world, some creative license was taken. For example, the word "deformity" was meant to show that this world, and the girl in this world, views any sort of disability in a negative light, not to reflect my own views on Down Syndrome kids. About her inability to talk, I understand that in our current time, it is factually incorrect, and most Down Syndrome individuals are able to speak. However, in this world I created (as I am planning to explain in subsequent chapters), children with Down Syndrome are isolated from the rest of society. They are isolated from education and other human beings because of fear from the government, so they are never taught to speak properly. The fact that she was able to say "Up" was going to be explained in later chapters. I was not making a comment about the girl herself or the Down Syndrome community , but rather how her personal talents and abilities have been stifled. I do not mean any of this reply to be insolent, I just want you to understand my insight on the piece, and that my intention was, while slightly misinformed, to write a piece of fiction that illustrated a dystopian society, not write a social commentary on the disabled population and their shortcomings. Thank you for their comments.

Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 20 2015 at 1:53 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.&quot; -Mark Twain

Ooh, I have chills. This is a terrifying and yet captivating concept to explore. This makes me think, of course, of the Shadow Children series, the Hunger Games, Divergent, and all the rest of the genre. However, the one piece of this that really bothers me is that you associate the girl's Down Syndrome with an inability to speak. Factually speaking, this is incorrect. Down Syndrome is not responsible for this level of speech impairment. It does often result in unclear or stuttering speech, but a seven year old with Down Syndrome would have no shortage of words in her vocabulary. She would also not be so mentally retarded-sorry to use the term- as this girl clearly is. I work with children who have special needs of all different kinds, including some who have never spoken, and some who speak exactly like I do, so it's important to me to say this: Not all disabilities and "special needs" are the same or even remotely similar. To assume that any condition can cause any symptom is to perpetuate a dehumanizing misconception: that the world can be divided into us and them. In addition, "deformity" is a WRONG word to use in reference to a person with Down Syndrome. At the least, call it a disability. Basically, be sensitive to the special needs community; don't use their labels as an easy scapegoat in a story. People with special needs are as diverse and differently-abled as typically developing people, and they deserve the same level of human dignity. When you write about special needs, do your research. The last thing you want to do in writing is to offend.