Flunkytown
By Clare Shortal


Once upon a time in a place called Faylinn, a beautiful fairy-princess named Elmo ruled over all of the magical creatures. Yet she was not very bright. Everything there was good and pure and nothing bad ever happened there. Elmo had a pet bunny she called Ellen the Muffin, or Muffin, for short. Elmo cared for her over everything else, including herself. Elmo cared for everyone more than for herself.

Yet there was a kingdom for evil, wicked things as well. It was called The Dark City. This dark, horrible kingdom is a ruled by a gorgeous, demonic sorceress named Evilicious. Evilicious was the most wicked creature ever to have been spawned by evil. The words love, care, mercy, and compassion aren’t even in her vocabulary. She dreams to one day rule the entire universe and squash every speck of love and kindness from the world. She has a vicious pet dragon named Fluffalicious. He is called this to deceive people into believing that he is no threat to them. They are all horribly mistaken. Anyone who believes this likely never sees the light of another day. Evilicious is well on her way to realizing her dream. She has a kingdom, huge armies at her command, and the fear and respect of all living creatures. Apart from her armies, she has a select few whom she trusts above all others called flunkies.

A war has raged on between these two lands for centuries, and ever since Evilicious, Faylinn has been losing horribly. Evilicious and Elmo are arch-enemies who both hope for the other’s defeat in the near future. They have both attempted many times and failed many times to snuff out the other’s existence. One day, however, Evilicious got startlingly close....

Our story begins with The lovely fairy-princess Elmo taking Ellen the Muffin for her daily hop through the Enchanted Forest. The day was beautiful. All the birds were singing their songs with joy in the sweet voices.

“Wow, Muffin! What a pretty day!” Elmo said to Muffin. “We should have a picnic!” Muffin squeaked enthusiastically in agreement. Elmo then snapped her fingers and instantly a gourmet picnic appeared in front of them.

“Yummy!” Elmo exclaimed. She and Muffin greatly enjoyed their feast. Then a twig cracked behind them. Muffin’s ears perked up and she froze. Elmo neither heard the noise, nor noticed Muffin’s change of behavior. Without warning, Muffin hopped up and hopped at the speed of light deep into the forest.

“Muffin! Wait!” Elmo called, jumping up and chasing after her. Only a mere millisecond after Elmo had cleared the area, a gigantic inferno of blazing, white-hot flames blasted into the clearing. The only remains of that entire part of the forest were crumbling ashes. Evilicious had just made an attempt at Elmo’s life. Out from the direction of the flames stepped Evilicious herself. Her deep black wristband was smoking. That seemingly harmless instrument had just destroyed a chunk of the Enchanted Forest. Just Evilicious’ mere presence in the forest seemed to cast all light and happiness from the place. Protruding from her deep black lips were a pair of blue-white fangs and her eyes were two scorching pools of red flames. Her skin was whiter than a ghost’s. Yet she was still beautiful. Beyond that even. It was an unearthly gorgeousness she possessed.

“Curse this place to Satan! I’ve missed my target!” Evilicious exclaimed angrily. From behind her came two of her most trusted flunkies. Their names were Gabby Chatter-Box and Jelly-Belly.

“Don’t fret, your Wickedness, you’ll surely get her next time,” Jelly-Belly said encouragingly.

“Silence! I should have gotten her this time! Come, I have a rat to trap,” Evilicious said, starting to creep through the trees in the direction Elmo had fled to.

~~~


“Now, Muffin, you know I don’t like it when you run off like that! Why do you insist on worrying me so?” Elmo scolded when she had finally caught up to Muffin after a long chase through the forest.

“I would be so upset, Oh Great Pinhead,” said an cold, emotionless voice. Elmo nearly jumped out of her skin. “That stupid rabbit just saved your pathetic life. Well, she only just postponed your death, to be honest, child.” Then none other than the Great and Powerful Evilicious stepped elegantly out of the trees to face her enemy.

“Evilicious!” Elmo squealed fearfully. You see, she had never been one for full head-on confrontations.

“Duh,” Evilicious replied simply. And Evilicious certainly was one for those kinds of confrontations.

“Elmo of Faylinn, prepare to at last meet your well-deserved demise,” Evilicious snarled. Elmo jumped behind a big boulder, to afraid to think clearly. She always seemed to hide when Evilicious was around.

“Ha ha ha ha! You pathetic slug! Are you still to afraid to face me one-on-one? Coward! You always were and you always will be! Fine, I shall take you back to my palace! Fluffalicious has been looking hungry lately....” Evilicious said. This only terrified Elmo further.

“Run, Muffin! Find help!” Elmo whispered to Muffin. The bunny hopped of obediently. Without foreshadowing, Evilicious pounced. She shoved Elmo into a sack and disappeared with her trophy.

~~~


“Attention all!” Evilicious’ thunderous voice boomed out all throughout the Dark City. “I have succeeded in capturing Elmo! Today at sundown, she is to be fed to my Fluffalicious. All you who wish to witnessed this long-awaited event, come to the castle throne room at sundown today.” They was a general murmur of excitement throughout the kingdom.

Now safely in the Black Castle, Evilicious addressed Elmo, still bound and gagged. She was dragging her to the dungeons.

“Until your execution at sundown, you’ll be staying with an old....friend of mine. Heh, heh, heh.....” Evilicious said deviously, with a suspicious grin.

“W-what friend?” Elmo asked nervously. She soon wished she hadn’t. She and Evilicious stopped in front of the oldest, dirtiest, dankest, darkest cell in the entire dungeon. And that was saying something. Within the cell were two disgusting creatures that none should ever have to lay eyes upon. One’s name was Sawyer, but most referred to it as Poop. The others was called Collin, but most called it Taters, for it’s hideous head, shaped like a lopsided potato.

“It! I brought you a friend,” Evilicious cackled.

“Company? I haaaaaaaaaaaaate company,” Taters whined.

“Eeeeew. Me toooooooooooooo,” Poop complained.

“Deal with it, you putrid sacks of filth,” Evilicious said, throwing Elmo into the cell. Elmo was desperately begging not to go, however.

“No! No, please! I’m begging you! Please!! Anything but this! Feed me to Fluffalicious now! Stone me! Behead me! Burn me! I don’t care! Just PLEASE don’t leave me alone with....with....with.....THAT!!!!! And THAT!!!!” Elmo protested, near tears. Evilicious just laughed evilly.

“You three have fun,” she cackled viciously. In a puff of black smoke, Evilicious was gone.

~~~


Meanwhile, Ellen the Muffin was frantically searching for four of her friends: Fluffle McTuffalus, Bob, and Disco Man She had a stroke of luck and found them. She squeaked frantically to get their attention. Fluffle McTuffalus, being as smart as she was, could talk with animals.

“What is it, Muffin?” Fluffle asked.

“I know! She wants to,” Disco Man said, “DISCO!!!!!!” He started to disco.

“No, no, no! Shut up, Disco Man!” Bob ordered.

“Okay.....okay......” Muffin squeaked to Fluffle in bunny-language, “ EVILICIOUS HAS CAPTURED ELMO AND IS GONNA FEED HER TO FLUFFALICIOUS TODAY AT SUNDOWN!!!!!!!!!!”

“Aw, termites!” Fluffle shrieked.

“What? What is it??? SPILL IT, WOMAN!!!!!!!” Bob shouted. Fluffle repeated what Muffin had told her.

“Aw, noodles!” Bob exclaimed.

“Aw, bologna!” Disco Man shouted.

“Come on, let’s go save her!” Fluffle said.

“First let’s,” Disco Man said, “DISCO!!!!!!!!” He started to disco again.

“Quit it, you duffer!” Bob ordered.

“Hmph,” Disco Man said, crossing his arms. They set out to the Black Castle. When they reached the gate, it was guarded by three of Evilicious’ more stupid flunkies. Beluga, Filbert, and Shaundra. (Who were, just to clear this up, all boys.) Not a wise choice to guard a castle.... Fluffle thought.

“Hey, stop, you old fops!” Shaundra exclaimed when he saw them.

“Yeah! Stop! BEEEEEEEEEEP! EEEEEP! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!” Filbert screeched annoyingly. (He was the most stupid.)

“Hey, dudes, this is, like, totally private, like, like, property, man! Gosh!” Beluga said, annoyed.

“Um.....” Fluffle began, blanking out.

“Did you guys order a pizza?” Disco Man asked randomly.

“You stupid head!” Fluffle whispered to him. “That won’t work! Even they aren’t that stupid.”

“Yeeeeeee-ha! Pizza!” Shaundra said.

“PIIIIIIIIIIIZZA!!!!! PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZA!!!!! FILBERT LIKE PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZA!!!!!” Filbert yelled.

“Yo! Like, sweet, dawg!” Beluga said, grinning stupidly.

“Then again, maybe they are,” Fluffle said, shocked.

“Uuuuh......We left it inside,” Disco Man lied.

“Darn it!” Shaundra exclaimed.

“Oh. Well, go get it!” Beluga said, opening the gates and letting them inside. Once they were inside the castle, they started cracking up. Yet when they saw the time, they stopped dead. It was ten minutes until sundown.

“Hurry! Let’s look in the dungeons!” Bob suggested. They ran as fast as they could to the dungeons. When they reached the last cell, they recoiled at the horrendous sight. It was Poop and Taters. Evilicious must have already collected Elmo!

“EEEEEEEW!!!!! WHAT’S THAT???!!! ” Fluffle screeched, disgusted.

“YUCK!!!! IT’S TATERS AND POOP!!!!!” Disco Man screamed, also disgusted.

“No, it’s Collin and Sawyer,” Bob said, equally disgusted.

“GROSS!!! EVEN WORSE!!!!!!!!!” Fluffle yelled.

“Bah humbug,” Taters whined. “More company!”

“Eeeeew! It talks!!!” Fluffle shrieked.

“Why are you here?” Disco Man asked.

“We’ve been sentenced to live here until we rot and die,” Taters replied.

“Yay!” Fluffle cheered. Muffin squeaked in happiness.

“Do you know how to get to the throne room?” Bob asked. Poop and Taters nodded their ugly heads.

“Tell us, you revolting skunks!” Disco Man ordered. Taters and Poop then explained how to get their. Then Fluffle, Muffin, Disco Man, and Bob were off to rescue Elmo. But they weren’t alone.

~~~


“Prepare to once and for all silence the putrid Elmo of Faylinn!” Evilicious called to her subjects. Elmo was dangling by a rope over the colossal jaws the evil and gigantic dragon, Fluffalicious. The dragon was pitch black with silver spikes and eyes as red as his owner’s. His fangs were taller than Elmo herself. Elmo had lost all hope of being rescued now, the sun was already setting. It was too late.

But then, just as Evilicious was lowering Elmo into her dragon’s jaws, Fluffle, Muffin, Disco Man, Bob, and two additional characters burst into the throne room! The two extras were the disgusting Poop and the revolting Taters.

“AAAAH! HOW DARE YOU BRING THOSE HORRENDOUS CREATURES INTO MY THRONE ROOM???!!!” Evilicious bellowed. Yet she immediately regained control of herself and began to laugh!

“You idiots fell right into my trap,” Evilicious said. “Do you really think I would leave the guarding of my castle to Beluga, Shaundra, and Filbert? I knew you would come. And now you will die as well. Unless, of course, you pledge loyalty to me.”

“Never!” Fluffle exclaimed.

“Oh really? Guards,” Evilicious said. Guards then appeared out of every nook and cranny, all with cross-bows aimed at Muffin and her friends.

“Fine. We pledge our loyalty,” Bob said reluctantly.

“That’s what I thought. There will be a formal ceremony tomorrow at noon,” Evilicious said.

“What about me??” Elmo whined.

“Will you join your friends?” Evilicious inquired.

“Yes,” Elmo sighed, finally defeated.

“No. Elmo is to be set free,” Evilicious said. There was a collected gasp throughout the throne room.

“What? Why?” Elmo asked.

“Because it’s too much fun hunting you down! You know you’ll never win. And now your friends are my slaves. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!” Evilicious cackled. With a snap of Evilicious’ fingers, Elmo was gone.

“Yet Fluffalicious does need his supper.....” Evilicious remarked.

“Ooh! Feed him Taters and Poop!” Gabby Chatter-Box suggested.

“Fine idea, Gabby Chatter-Box,” Evilicious said. With another snap of her fingers, Fluffalicious was devouring Taters and Poop. The entire world cheered. Then it stopped at Evilicious’ command.

“Beluga, Shaundra, Filbert, escort these fools to the dungeons until tomorrow’s ceremony. The three flunkies did as they were told.

“You’ll never get away with this, Evilicious!” Fluffle called as Beluga dragged her away along with her friends.

“Fluffle McTuffalus, you fool, can’t you see that I already have?” Evilicious asked deviously.

The End