Characters:

Narrator

King

Helena

Enchanter/Old Man

Mack

Hendrix

Mrs. Kettles

Clarence

Gemma

The Handsome and The Harridan 

SCENE 1: The Spell

Narrator: Long, long ago in The Kingdom of Woolverton a King and Queen were holding a ball for their daughter. The daughter, being an heir to a royal couple, was a princess. She had just turned 18 and she was the most beautiful woman in all of the kingdom. 

King: (everyone is dancing, King taps knife on glass to get everyone’s attention) Welcome, all to this wonderful event for my beautiful daughter, Helena, who has just become of age. (Helena walks to the center of the ball room and takes a bow) As soon as she finds a husband to marry, she will be crowned queen. My wife and I would like to thank you for coming, and we also urge you to fill out an application that can be found on that desk by the front door if you are interested in marrying our daughter. 

Narrator: The dance continued on for some time until suddenly a huge gust of wind blew open the doors showing an old, homeless man waiting on the other side.

Old Man (Enchanter): Help! Can somebody help me, please? I am very..

Helena: Excuse me sir, get out! This is my party and as you can see, it is full of beautiful people. You are not welcome here… now shoo. 

Narrator: This was a mistake for the princess. Little did she know that that man was an enchanter looking for a kind soul. After the princess was done saying harsh things to him, he started to levitate and a great light shone around him as he transformed into the most handsome man Helena had ever seen. 

Enchanter (Old Man): You are not worthy to be a princess. You do not possess a kind heart and both you and your servants will pay for this behavior. 

Narrator: The enchanter cast a spell on Helena and all of the servants of the castle. Helena turned into a harridan beast: a wolf-like creature that stood on its hind legs that was very old and rude, and the servants were turned into inanimate objects that could walk and talk. The Enchanter also made Helena’s parents disappear forever and made all of the guests and towns-people from nearby forget the castle had ever existed. 

Enchanter (Old Man): The spell will remain on the castle and all those who inhabit it until you find love in your heart and learn to be loved by someone else. 

Narrator: After that, the Enchanter left.. never to be seen again, and the princess and her servants went about their isolated life in the castle. 

SCENE 2: Pearl Onions

Narrator: 3 years later in a town called Lyon not even three miles from the castle, a young man named Hendrix began work with his father. This young man was known for being different in his town. Hendrix wasn’t interested in hunting, fishing, and drinking like all the other men were. He was fascinated by the art of cooking and reading. He learned everything he knew about cooking from his Pa, Mack. Normally cooking skills came from a mother, but Hendrix’s mom passed due to a plague when he was just a baby. 

Hendrix: Hello, Pa! What’s on the menu this week?

Mack: Boeuf Bourguignon, son! Tomorrow I am going to set out for a small field outside of town that has the pearl onions we need. 

Narrator: Now, there is something you should know about Mack. The town does not approve of him..and he is known town-wide as a “nutcase”. All the men in Lyon believe it isn’t right to encourage a boy to cook. They think Hendrix should’ve been taught to hunt and fish like the rest of the young men his age. 

Hendrix: We’ve never had Boeuf Bourguignon before. Was it one of ma’s…

Gemma: (Interrupting) Hi, Hendrix!

Narrator: That is Gemma. To say she is obsessed with Hendrix would be an understatement.

Gemma: What are you doing today? Do you want to hang out? I’ll cook with you? I’ll even take the pan off the fire for you! How about getting married, can we do that? Like right now, can we get married? 

Hendrix: Hi, Gemma…(trying to find a way to get rid of her) Uhhh.. I can’t today. I um, uh.. I need to help my dad prep for a meal tomorrow. Uh, see ya around. (run inside)

Gemma: (to Mack) He loves me. I know it. One day, I’ll be calling you dad. 

Mack: Oh, I’m sure Gemma. Now, run on home. Hendrix and I have work to do.

Gemma: Ok.. Dad (wink). See ya in approximately 15 minutes when I come to check on Hendrix again. (Mack rolls his eyes and walks into the house)

Narrator: The next day, Hendrix and Mack got the horse and carriage prepped before dawn for the trip to get pearl onions. Boeuf Bourguignon needed all day to cook, so the earlier Mack could get back with the onions, the earlier Hendrix got to start cooking and the better the meal would turn out.

Mack: I’ll be back soon, Hendrix. Make sure you prep the fire and get all of the other ingredients out and ready. I set the recipe out on the dining room table. I also recommend going inside now and staying there until I get back with the door locked. I can see that Gemma is on her way out of her house now. (Hendrix waves to Mack and sprints inside)

Gemma: (running down the road screaming) Mack! Mack! Where are you going? Where is Hendrix? I came back 15 minutes later like I said I would yesterday, but nobody answered the door! Can I go inside and see him? Is he home? (run up the steps and wiggle the door knob)

Mack : I’m running to get onions Gemma, I will be back later. Hendrix is out right now, so you should just go on home. (whips horse and rides off down the road)

Gemma: (to herself) That old man is definitely lying to me. I saw Hendrix run inside when I came out. He is going to regret getting in between me and the love of my life.

Narrator: I don’t know about you, but that kind of sounded like a threat to me. After Mack left, Gemma ran home to get a horse to follow Mack. It took her awhile to catch up because the forest outside of town was very dark and dense. She was almost 3 miles in when she finally spotted Mack at a field next to a huge castle. 

Gemma: Whoa! That is a huge castle. This isn’t even that far outside of town, how have I not seen this before? Anyway, It may need a little cleaning up, but it is my dream home!! It’s isolated, hard to see...After I convince Hendrix to marry me, we are going to move there so nobody can take him away from me. 

Narrator: There is definitely something wrong with that girl. After Gemma got eyes on Mack, she got off her horse and tied it to a tree out of sight. Then, she crept behind a different tree to watch Mack. 

Gemma: (watching Mack and talking to herself) I thought he was in a hurry to start the meal! What is taking him so long? I’m pretty sure he is literally just smelling the onions right now… what the heck?

Mack: (smelling the onions, and talking to himself) I remember using these onions like it was yesterday. The crisp, sulphuric, burning smell of them reminds me of Hendrix’s mother, oh how she loved this dish. Now, I'm not sure if I need to ask for these onions, but what would it hurt to take 3? There’s a whole field of them...I’ll just pick a few and get out of here. (Mack goes to pick the onions and can't pull them) What the heck? Why aren't these coming out?

Narrator: Mack had forgotten that you had to have a specific type of clippers to pick the pearl onions, and it would take him a while to finally figure it out, so we will just leave him to tug and kick at the onions for a while. Meanwhile, inside of the castle two of Helena’s servants, a teapot and a clock, were watching from the window. 

Mrs. Kettles: Clarence! Clarence, come quick! (hopping up and down in front of the window screaming) There is a person outside. I haven’t seen a real person in years! Clarence! Get over here!

Clarence: (just waking up from a nap in front of the fireplace) Mrs. Kettles… What is the issue? (walking slowly to the window very sleepily) I was just taking a nice nap in front of the fir…

Mrs. Kettles: (interrupting) Look out the window. There is a person.

Clarence: (still walking to the window) Are you sure? Nobody ever comes here. The last time I saw a person was the night…. Well the night we were still people. (Mrs. Kettles forces his head to look out the window and he jumps in surprise) Mrs. Kettles! Mrs. Kettles! You were right there is a person out there, but what is he doing? Doesn’t he know you need clippers to get those darned things? 

Mrs. Kettles: Well obviously not, smart one, if he is out there kicking and pulling at them. I do hope he gets it figured out and gets out of here soon though. You know how Helena likes her pearl onions; she won’t take too kindly to someone trying to steal them. 

Narrator: Back outside Gemma was still watching Mack try to get those onions. 

Gemma: (watching Mack tug and kick at the onions trying to get them loose) What is he doing now? Is he kicking someone? How hard can it be to pick a stinky onion? (Gemma hears a snap in the woods and turns away for a second. When she turns back around Mack is gone) What the… where’d he go? I only looked away for a second. How could I miss him leaving? (Gemma continues to look around when she hears a door slam, she heads to the window of the castle to look inside.) Maybe he went in here to ask for help. 

Narrator: Don’t look at me. I don’t know where he went either. That crack in the woods got my attention too. But, if I were to guess by the way Mrs. Kettles and Clarence were talking, Helena got him. 

SCENE 3: What Happened to Mack

Mack: (laying on the floor next to the fireplace asleep with Helena walking laps around him, Mack wakes up) Wh..What happened? Where am I? (sit up and notice Helena and scream) Who are you? What do you want with me?

Helena: (angry) Who am I? Who am I? Really? Who are you? Coming in here trying to steal my pearl onions. Geez, the audacity..

Mack: I.. I didn’t mean to try and..

Helena: (roar angrily) NO! Now, if you’d like to make me even more mad, continue lying and see if you wake up the next time I put you to sleep.

Narrator: Mack has gotten himself into some deep sh…… wait a minute. Where did Gemma go? I swear she was just here watching Helena talk to Mack in the window. (notice Gemma running and screaming to her horse) Ha! I should’ve brought Gemma here earlier. 

Gemma: (Panting and screaming as she gets on her horse) What is going on here? And what was that thing? I need to go find Hendrix so he can come save his dad. (rides off into town, reaches the house and starts banging on the door) Hendrix! Hendrix! Come out! Something terrible has happened! I need your help! Hendrix!

Hendrix: (to himself) What does that crazy girl want now? There is absolutely no way I am going out there. I refuse to open that door. The last time she came knocking on the door like that saying she needed help and something bad happened, she mauled me and it took an hour to get her off. Ugh, just thinking about that makes me want to puke. Blahh..

Gemma: Hendrix, seriously! Something has happened to your dad! Our dad! He needs your help! I promise this is not one of my tricks, there really is something wrong. This huge scary beast thing took your father for trying to steal its onions. Hend..(the door swings open with an angry Hendrix in the doorway)

Hendrix: (very angry) What do you want?!

Gemma: Ohh. (shocked) You actually opened the door. 

Hendrix: Gemma..

Gemma: Yeah?

Hendrix: What do you want?

Gemma: Oh yeah, sorry I got distracted by your eyes…(stares at him for a little while longer) Ok, i'm good now. I was mad at your father for lying to me about you this morning, so I followed him into the woods to give him a piece of my mind. When I got to where he had stopped, I saw a huge castle, which will be our future home by the way (wink) 

Hendrix: You better get to the point before I close the door and go back to cooking. 

Gemma: Ok, ok, geesh. Anyway, I got off my horse and hid behind a tree while he was sniffing and kicking at the onions. All of a sudden I heard a snap, so I turned around to see what had happened, and when I looked back at Dad, he was gone. I ran to the castle to see if he had gone in there, and where I looked in, I saw a talking teapot, a talking candle, and a huge scary beast that was yelling at your father. Hendrix, you have to help me! We have to save my soon to be father-in-law.

Hendrix: First, there is no castle anywhere near here. Second, there is no such thing as a talking candle and a talking tea pot. You just want me to go into the woods with you so you can kill me or abduct me or something. 

Gemma: No, Hendrix! I really am serious. Your father needs help. (to herself) How can I get Hendrix to believe me? It’s obvious he doesn’t want to go, but there’s got to be a way to convince him.. (to Hendrix) Ok, fine. If there isn’t a castle in the woods and your father isn’t trapped in the castle, I will leave you alone forever. 

Hendrix: (to himself) Forever, huh? That is pretty tempting, but if she gets me out there and there is no castle, I will be trapped with her. I don’t know what she is capable of, but forever does sound pretty intriguing. (to Gemma) Ok, fine. I’ll go. 

SCENE 4: Saving Mack

Hendrix: (Gemma and Hendrix riding on horses almost to the castle) How much farther? My father said the onion field was only three miles from town. We have to have traveled that far by now. 

Gemma: Relax! It’s just up ahead, and anyway, this is great quality couple time for us. 

Hendrix: We are NOT a couple. (keep riding until almost to castle) Gemma, this castle has about 5 seconds to appear or I’m goi….(castle finally comes into view and Hendrix is amazed)  Whoa! Where did this come from? 

Gemma: See, I told you! Now come on! (They sneak to the window to make sure Mack is still in there) There he is, we need to find a way to get in there and save him. We can’t go in the front door, but I noticed a back door the first time I was here. We should go in through there. 

Hendrix: (trembling) Wha..What if that thing gets us? 

Gemma: I’ll protect you, let's go. (they sneak around to the back door and go in. When they get in there, they flip on the lights to reveal a magnificent kitchen)

Hendrix: (jaw dropped) I think I’m in love. 

Gemma: Aww that’s so sweet. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to saw that..(goes in for a hug and gets shoved away)

Hendrix: Not you! The kitchen! Look at it- the stainless steel appliances, the crisp clean china, oh my goodness! Look at that pot! (runs across the kitchen to pick up the pot) I could fit in this thing! 

Gemma: (annoyed and kind of upset he wasn’t talking to her) I don’t care about the pot Hendrix, let's go save your father. (they sneak through the kitchen door to a big dining hall across from the room Mack is being talked to)

Mack: (now sitting at the table chatting with Helena) I never would have guessed you to be a Boeuf Bourguignon kind of girl. I think of it as more of a laid back kind of traditional meal, but I mean, look at this place. It’s so fancy.

Helena: (giggling a bit) My father thought that the servants needed a night off once a month, but my mother didn't agree. The first time she came downstairs looking for a meal on the servants’ night off she was very angry seeing that there were no servants and no meal, so she told my father that he had to take on the jobs of the servants that he let off; which meant he had to cook supper. Turns out Boeuf Bourguignon was his favorite childhood meal and he made it once a month- everytime the servants had a night off. 

Narrator: Turns out, while Gemma was off getting Hendrix, Mack told Helena why he was trying to get the onions, and that got them started on a whole new topic. I’m honestly pretty sure that Mack and Helena are best friends now. 

Hendrix: (to Gemma) I thought you said my father was in trouble? He looks pretty ok to me. (he inches forward and the floor creaks)

Helena: (stands up roaring angrily) Who is in my house?! (runs to where the creek comes from, and brings Gemma and Hendrix by the fireplace, one in each hand) Who are you? Why are you here?

Mack: Hendrix? Hendrix is that you? And Gemma? Why are you guys here?

Gemma: I followed you here earlier and I thought you were in trouble, so I went to get Hendrix so he could help me save you. Obviously, you don’t need saving, so we can just head back to…

Helena: Mack, you know these kids?

Mack: Yes, of course I do! The boy is Hendrix, my son that I have been telling you about. 

Helena: The cook?

Hendrix: Yep, that’s me. (still hanging upside down in Helena’s hands) Can you put me down now?

Helena: Oh, sorry. I assume you saw the kitchen when you came in the back door?

Hendrix: Oh my goodness! Yes! I saw the Kitchen, and let me just say.. WOW! I am in love! Honestly, can I just go cook you something right now?

Helena: (shocked and intrigued) Well, if you want to, I guess. Take Mrs. Kettles and Clarence with you. (Mrs. Kettles and Clarence hop down the stairs talking to each other)

Hendrix: Who are Mrs. Kettles and Clarence? Where…(notices them hopping down the steps talking to each other) Whoa.. (follows them into the kitchen)

Narrator: As you can see, Hendrix and Mack became very close with Helena. They ended up moving into the castle because they were there so often. Helena and Hendrix started to gain feelings for each other and soon fell in love. Just like the Enchanter said, after Helena learned to have love in her heart and be loved by someone else, everything would go back to the way it was, and it did. The servants became human, as well as Helena, and the castle came back to life. Not long after Helena was changed back, she and Hendrix got married, and surprisingly, Gemma was the maid of honor. Her and Helena are pretty inseparable when Hendrix isn’t around. And, that’s the end.. for Helena’s story anyway. Apparently, her cousin had an encounter with the Enchanter’s sister and he is currently a beast now too.