(An elevator sits at center stage.

ELIZA, dressed in a black skirt suit

with a yellow undershirt and carrying

a suitcase, quickly jogs toward it)

ELIZA

Finally, my work day is done! Now I can go back home and go to bed. Better make sure Coconut didn’t scratch up the couch pillows like she did the last time I came home this late.

(ELIZA stops at the elevator and presses the button to go down. The doors open, revealing HAYDEN standing inside, adjusting the cuffs of his shirt. ELIZA steps one foot into the elevator, then turns her head to face the audience)

ELIZA

Dammit, it’s this twat again. He’s always been super uptight, and it drives me up a wall. Then again, the ride down shouldn’t be too long, right?

HAYDEN

Hey, little Miss Loopy, ya gonna get in the elevator or are ya just gonna stand in the doorway and yammer on with your imaginary friend?

(ELIZA whips her head toward his direction)

ELIZA

Okay, okay, I’m coming. Good God.

(ELIZA enters the elevator. The doors stay open so the audience can see what’s going on. Elevator music plays. HAYDEN leans on the elevator wall with his arms crossed, and ELIZA just stands with her suitcase. Both silently look at the walls next to them, avoiding eye contact with each other)

(Suddenly, the elevator music stops. ELIZA’s eyes dart around the elevator as HAYDEN checks what floor they’re on)

HAYDEN

Dammit.

(ELIZA looks in his direction as she speaks)

ELIZA

What?

HAYDEN

We’re stuck.

ELIZA

As in stuck together?

(HAYDEN lets out an exasperated sigh)

HAYDEN

No, stupid, as in the elevator’s stuck. Then again, you’re not wrong, but whatever.

(ELIZA drops her suitcase, and she slowly starts to tilt as she exasperatedly leans against the wall and mutters to herself:)

ELIZA

Oh, brother.

HAYDEN

(offendedly)

Oh, don’t act like that! I can just call 911, and once they fix this, it’ll be over with.

(HAYDEN takes his phone from his pocket. He dials 911 and brings the phone to his ear. As he does that, ELIZA drags herself down to the floor and sits cross legged, glumly staring at the floor and waiting)

(HAYDEN stands upright. He puts a hand on the elevator’s railing, tapping his fingers against it. After a while, he irritatedly hangs up and crams his phone back into his pocket)

HAYDEN

Just great! Apparently the power’s out!

(He looks up at the elevator’s ceiling light, and his lips form a straight line)

HAYDEN

Load o’ bull.

ELIZA

Now what?

HAYDEN

We sit here and wait… I guess.

(ELIZA and HAYDEN wait in silence for a few brief seconds. Then, HAYDEN turns to ELIZA)

HAYDEN

Remember when you stole my crayons in the first grade and never gave them back?

(ELIZA whips her head toward him in shock)

ELIZA

How on Earth do you remember that?

HAYDEN

(with a smirk)

Eh, I just do. The day after that, you simply said that you “forgot” that you had them, and I still didn’t get them back. Never forgave you for it.

ELIZA

(starts twirling her hair)

Come on, man! I have a dirt memory, okay? Speaking of stealing stuff, I remember that you stole my favorite bookmark as revenge for that. After, like a few days of looking around the school, I eventually found it hidden in your desk, of all things, as I was just getting out of the classroom.

(Cue FIRST-GRADE ELIZA and FIRST-GRADE HAYDEN entering at center stage right as ELIZA recalls the situation. FIRST-GRADE ELIZA walks past FIRST-GRADE HAYDEN with her bookmark in a book)

HAYDEN

Wait, what’d you say about having a “dirt memory?”

ELIZA

Hey, you bringing up the crayon thing made me remember. I wouldn’t have otherwise.

HAYDEN

(nods sarcastically)

Oh, yup, yup. Sure.

ELIZA

As I was saying, I remember you being so pissed off about it ‘cause I wasn’t supposed to find it, and -

(ELIZA suddenly bursts into a fit of giggles, which evolves into full-on laughter)

HAYDEN

(offended again)

Wh-Hey, what the hell’s so funny?!

ELIZA

(still laughing)

A-and I took the bookmark out of my book and waved it up in the air as you were trying to snatch it back, but you couldn’t, and I was hopping and running around and laughing at your stupid angry li’l face!

(The two first graders silently but emotively recreate the action as they run across upstage, FIRST-GRADE ELIZA always being a step ahead of FIRST-GRADE HAYDEN)

HAYDEN

Oh, for crying out loud, that was years ago, it’s not that funny!

(FIRST-GRADE ELIZA AND HAYDEN exit the stage. ELIZA’s laughter gradually starts to subside, but she’s still giving HAYDEN a cheeky look)

ELIZA

Then why are you still so embarrassed over it?

HAYDEN

I’m not.

ELIZA

Oh, I know you still are. You sounded awfully offended when I brought it up.

HAYDEN

Well, that’s because you started laughing about it.

ELIZA

(singsongy voice)

That still proves my point, though!

(HAYDEN sighs)

HAYDEN

Okay, okay, maybe I am a little bit embarrassed. That doesn’t really mean anything, though.

(ELIZA leans in closer to the audience, gives them a knowing look, and brings a hand to the side of her mouth)

ELIZA

(softly and mockingly, to the audience)

Oh yeah, only a little bit, and please know that it doesn’t mean anything at all and I totally don’t ever get offended when you call me out in a way that embarasses me.

HAYDEN

(offended once again)

Stop! Don’t try to make your imaginary friend have a low opinion of me!

ELIZA

Who says they already don’t?

(HAYDEN, who at first appears shocked, taps a finger on his chin, thinking. Then, he smirks)

HAYDEN

Remember the time when we were in third grade and saw a hornet while walking from school to the parking lot, and you got so scared you peed yourself?

(THIRD-GRADE ELIZA and THIRD-GRADE HAYDEN enter through stage left and recreate the memory. ELIZA recoils)

ELIZA

Ah- Oh, don’t you dare-

(HAYDEN stifles a laugh)

HAYDEN

And you were in shorts, too, so it started dripping all down your bare legs, plain as day. Over a flippin’ hornet. I thought that was hilarious!

(THIRD-GRADE HAYDEN silently pretends to howl with laughter as THIRD-GRADE ELIZA reacts with horror and embarrassment. ELIZA’s face contorts into one of disgust and shame)

ELIZA

Oh, gross. Why’d you have to bring that back up? I can almost feel it all over again.

(HAYDEN stifles another laugh; the two third graders exit the stage)

ELIZA

Hey, stop laughing!

HAYDEN

I’m not.

ELIZA

Yes you are! I can hear you trying to hold it in.

HAYDEN

(giggling)

I-I’m not.

ELIZA

(embarrassed)

I swear, I just can’t even with you. I just can’t.

(HAYDEN lowers himself to the elevator floor and sits down cross-legged)

ELIZA

Wait, that reminds me… remember the field trip we had, like, a day before the whole, eh, hornet incident?

HAYDEN

(chuckles)

“Hornet incident?” I wouldn’t call that a “hornet incident,” I’d say it’s more along the lines of “you being a soggy little chicken.”

ELIZA

(rolls her eyes)

That’s not what I’m saying here. What I’m saying is, you remember the field trip we took to the Bridgewood Museum for a project a day before that?

HAYDEN

Yeah, and we were the only two left by ourselves, so we were forced to partner up with each other?

ELIZA

(enthusiastically)

Yeah, yeah! And when we were at the Native American history exibit, you pretended to shoot at me with invisible arrows.

(THIRD-GRADE HAYDEN and THIRD-GRADE ELIZA enter through stage right. The latter holds a clipboard. As ELIZA speaks, THIRD-GRADE HAYDEN mimes shooting with a bow and arrow at THIRD-GRADE ELIZA, irritating her. They then walk through upstage until they reach upstage left)

HAYDEN

(sighs)

And you later compared me to a manatee sculpture.

(THIRD-GRADE ELIZA silently laughs as she points into the distance at her left as if to a manatee sculpture, and then at THIRD-GRADE HAYDEN. THIRD-GRADE HAYDEN looks at her, insulted. They then leave through stage left)

(ELIZA smiles)

ELIZA

Yeah. If I’m being honest, that field trip was one of the best memories I have of my childhood.

HAYDEN

(somewhat shocked)

Seriously?

ELIZA

Yep. And we’ve acted like that toward each other for years.

(ELIZA’s expression changes from cheerful to somber. HAYDEN notices this)

HAYDEN

What’s wrong?

ELIZA

Well, once we reached high school, it kinda just… stopped, and we haven’t talked to each other since.

(TEENAGE HAYDEN is sitting at a lunch table and eating on stage right. TEENAGE ELIZA joyously enters through stage right, wraps an arm around him, and gives him a noogie. TEENAGE HAYDEN them promptly shoves her off of him, and TEENAGE ELIZA is quickly taken aback by this)

TEENAGE HAYDEN

(angrily)

For Christ’s sake, will you cut it out?! We’re not kids, Eliza. That’s not funny anymore!

(TEENAGE ELIZA’s shoulder’s droop, and she looks extremely hurt)

TEENAGE ELIZA

Oh. I understand. I’m sorry.

(TEENAGE ELIZA dejectedly exits the stage. TEENAGE HAYDEN continues to eat his lunch, now feeling guilty for what he’s done. The lights turn back off)

HAYDEN

(woefully)

Oh, yeah, that’s right. I still feel kind of bad about that.

ELIZA

Well, hey, it feels good to have talked about it.

HAYDEN

You’re right, it really does. But anyway…

(HAYDEN looks down at the ground shyly)

HAYDEN

I’m really sorry about what happened all those years ago.

ELIZA

Oh, no no no, you don’t have to feel sorry.

HAYDEN

No, I probably should. I’m the one that caused our falling out, and I feel like I should apologize, and, like you told your imaginary person, I really can be a little uptight at times.

(They both chuckle. ELIZA lightly pushes HAYDEN’s shoulder)

ELIZA

Oh, you! I apologize, too, if I wasn’t very respectful of your space.

HAYDEN

You don’t have to feel sorry!

ELIZA

Ah well, I thought I should apologize, too, because you got angry because I wouldn’t stop messing with you.

HAYDEN

Okay, we good now?

(HAYDEN puts his hand out to ELIZA. ELIZA looks at it quizically, then smiles)

ELIZA

Yes, we good.

(ELIZA takes HAYDEN’s hand. They shake on it)

(Suddenly, the elevator dings)

ELIZA

Oh, the elevator’s working again!

HAYDEN

Yep. We can both finally go home and go to bed!

ELIZA

Yay! Then we each get five hours of sleep and wake up half-dead next morning!

(They both laugh and then stand back up. After a few seconds, the elevator dings again. ELIZA and HAYDEN wave goodbye as they head their seperate ways, exiting the stage)

(The scene is now set in ELIZA’s

house. In a space between right and

center stage, there sits a red sofa

with two torn sofa cushions and a

fluffy white cat sitting on top of it.

Behind the sofa is a large window,

and a wooden door sits to their left)

(ELIZA enters the set through the door. She walks toward the sofa and pets the cat)

ELIZA

(with enthusiasm)

Oh, there you are, Coconut! The elevator broke, so it took a while for me to get back home.

(ELIZA then notices the shredded cushions. She picks one of them up and sighs)

ELIZA

Welp, guess you’re not gonna forgive me so easily, are you?

(Do You Remember… end)