SETTING: A girl named HER sits in a messy bedroom with scattered clothes lying on the floor. With only one half of the stage lit, a desk lamp is the only light in the right half, illuminating crumpled balls of paper from rejected writing ideas. A frustrated look is left on HER’s face, a look of desperation all too familiar to those who write.
-1-

HER

[After writing one word at a time, HER’s reward system is M&M’s]
I . . . am . . . never going . . . to finish this.
[taps pencil on the paper to a beat, hums along for a while]
Nope. Never.
[pulls out cell phone from under a pile of caffeinated sodas, sighs when there are no new text messages or calls. HER sets the phone on top of a stack of writing guides and scribbles a few more sentences]
[talking to a cat on the floor]
Huh. I wonder why he never called back. The date wasn’t that bad. Seriously. I mean maybe I shouldn’t have ordered onions as a pizza topping, and maybe I shouldn’t have talked so much about the significance of the Southern Gothic setting that contributed to the psychological thrill in A Streetcar Named Desire. But he said he liked that play. A lot.
[cups hands in face while thinking, then grabs cat off of floor and lifts it up to her face to look eye to eye]
What do you think, Pookie? Should I call?
[pause]
Blink twice for a yes, once for a no.
[watches then squints skeptically]
Well, what would you know. You’re a cat.
[drops cat to the floor and takes a couple more bites of M&M’s before dialing HIM’s phone number]
SETTING: With the light remaining on the right half of the stage still, the left half also becomes lit. A boy named HIM sits in his messy basement, eyes glued to video games.
-2-

HIM

[stuffs nacho chips into his mouth while managing to still press the right buttons on the game controller]

[talking on a headset to an unseen person online]

You suck. I’ll get you next time.

[hears his phone ringing and checks the caller ID]

Hold on a sec, I guess I should take this.


HER

[tapping foot impatiently on the ground under her desk with her phone held up to her face]

[while waiting] First ring, he has cat-like reflexes . . . or he’s a psychopathic stalker. Now, second ring and third ring, he loves you. Fourth ring, maybe.


HIM

[holds cell phone but lets it ring 5 times before answering]


HER

Fifth ring . . .

HIM

[confused face and scrunched eyebrows in question] Um, what?

HER

[smacks forehead in embarrassment] Erm, nothing.

HIM

Is everything alright?

HER

[mutters “no” under breath]

Yeah. Completely.

HIM

[crunches on a chip while talking]

So what’s up?

HER

Well, not much. Just trying to write an impossible script.

HIM

Oh, yeah. You told me about that in the lunch line.

HER

So, I was wondering . . . are we going to hang out again any time soon?

HIM

[stuffs a whole bunch of nacho chips into his mouth to avoid the question]

Oh. Yeah. Sure. Hey, I’ll catch you later, okay?

HER

[face drops]

Oh, okay. No problem. Alrighty. Talk to you later, alligator.


HIM

Um. After a while, crocodile . . . ?


HER

[hangs up the phone without answering and watches cat on the floor]

Pookie, don’t mock me like that. I can see it in those eyes. Maybe you were right. Alligator? Crocodile? Are you serious? What is this, the coloring table at kindergarten? I’m hopeless.
-3-

SETTING: Left half of the stage with HIM is now dark. The right half is left lit, the side with HER in her bedroom.

HER’S MOTHER’S VOICE

[offstage]

Honey, did you ever eat your dinner?

HER

Mother, I’m not hungry.

HER’S MOTHER’S VOICE

[sounding concerned]

But you love my Chicken Parmesan!

HER

I’m fine. Really. I just need to write.


HER’S MOTHER

[walking into bedroom]

You’ve been staring at a half blank page for nearly two hours.

HER

Only one fourth is blank, thank you.

[turns on headphones and blasts volume]



HER’S MOTHER

Well, let me know if you need anything.

HER

[takes one headphone out of her ear]

Will do.


HER’S MOTHER

[leaves, walking out of room]

HER

[grabs pillow from her bed in the background and sets on the desk to bury her face in]

Ugh. This is useless. Everything. Why did I want to be a writer?

[hears phone ringing on desk, picks it up to check the caller ID and notices HIM is calling her back]

Is he seriously trying to call me now?

-4-

SETTING: The left half of the stage is lit once more, as HER answers HIM’s call. HIM is still sitting alone in his basement in a hoodie but with his legs crossed on top of the couch and the game system turned off.

[presses the ignore call button, and crosses arms. phone rings again so HER decides to finally answer the call]


HER

[dead pan voice]

Why are you calling.

HIM

Give me just one second.

HER

One.

HIM

What I wanted to tell you is that I really don’t like you like that because . . .

HER

Your second is over.

[HER hangs up and HIM is left to hear the end call beep]



HIM

[looks at phone and tosses on the floor]

Great.
-5-

HER

[tapping her fingers to her face on top of her writing desk, thinking]

Pookie!

[looks around for Pookie on the ground]

Pookie pookie! I know what I’m going to write about! Heartbreak . . . and I don’t even care if it’s cliché. It will get the job done. I’m going to bed now, I’ll do this all later.

[sets alarm clock and counts on her fingers]

If I wake up at 3AM, that should give me 5 hours of sleep and 4 hours before school to write about how miserable it is to be an acne-ridden teenager in love.

[smiles and runs to get under the covers]

Goodnight, Pookie.

[lights dim to darkness]