Merry Christmas Michelle!

Dramatis Personae


Anchorwoman: Middle aged woman. Anchor for Local Channel Three Z News.


Anchorman: Middle aged man.


Anchorwoman's co-anchor.


Health Expert: Elderly man. Frequent guest of Z News, serves as a leading professional in the field of health and sciences in the immediate area.


Field Reporter: Young-looking man. Investigative journalist in charge of subjects such as human interest, scandal, and other similar stories.


Meteorologist: Young woman. Reports on the weather and its potential effect on the area.


Intern: Very young man. Intern in charge of assisting cast and crew of Z News, but interested in investigative reporting in the future.


Traffic Reporter: Middle aged man. In charge of monitoring and reporting on traffic developments.


1




Act 1



SETTING:

We see black. There is silence. A slight rotten smell fills the air. Lights fade up and the stage is suddenly very bright. The set of a local news show, Z News, is visible, with a large desk with a logo center stage. Stage right and stage left are still dark.


AT RISE:

ANCHORWOMAN and ANCHORMAN are sitting side by side behind the desk center stage. ANCHORWOMAN holds a stack of papers while ANCHORMAN'S hands are interlocked on the desk. Both are slightly pale, appear deadly tired, and have a blank look in their eyes, a sort of hollow gazing around. Both breathe through their mouths, a little too loudly. As the lights illuminate them, the pair look up and stare out at the audience.


ANCHORWOMAN clears her throat with a rasp and begins to speak.

Anchorwoman (loudly and clearly, addressing the audience). Good evening and welcome to Local Channel Three Z News.

Anchorman (in the same manner as Anchorwoman). Tonight we start off with a breaking news story about the latest epidemic. Here to fill us in about that is our health expert. (Health Expert, who is also pale and empty-looking, enters and sits in a chair at the end of the desk.) So tell us about this new wave of infections that is spreading throughout our area. Anywhere near “The Incident?”

Health Expert (chuckles slightly, then shakes himself and visibly looks more serious). No, no, nothing at all of that magnitude. However, this is still a very viable threat. As the infection is still in its early stages, we have yet to determine is cause and therefore have yet to find a cure, but we have found that prolonged exposure to the sun, overeating, and overexercising might easily be related to one obtaining the infection.

Anchorwoman. What sort of symptoms does the infected show?

Health Expert. Well first off is hypertension. Subjects have up to a ratio of sixty over forty blood pressure, which is nearly twice that of our normal state and about half the normal of Those Who Came Before. Also, symptoms include overactivity, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and the more severe cases even show visual effects with tan complexions and tight skin.

Anchorman. Sounds almost like Those Who Came Before. Have you thought of exploring that route-

Health Expert (cutting off Anchorman). We are investigating all possibilities. In the meantime though, we are urging everyone to be mindful of who you eat, avoid the sun, and try not to move excessively.

Anchorwoman. Alright, you heard it here first folks. Thank you and I'm sure you'll keep us posted on any updates (Health Expert nods and exits).

Anchorman. And now we move on to a case of mistaken identity between a local business owner and – a pile of bones? Our field reporter is on scene now (Anchorman puts a finger to his ear and looks to the left of the stage. The left section of the stage lights up, with a wall between it and center stage. In the background there is the front of a run down grocery store. Field Reporter enters holding a large microphone and, like the others, looking very fair-skinned and frail). What have you got for us?

Field Reporter. Well customers here at this local grocery store were in for a bit of a shock as they tried to pay the owner for their products. As he had stepped away from the cash register for a moment, customers went to a nearby register which still had one of Those Who Came Before housed there. It wasn't until the customers began screaming at the bones until they realized their error and the owner of the store arrived to settle the confusion.

Anchorwoman (smiling). And were they able to still buy their brains from the owner? Thanksgiving is coming up after all...

Field Reporter. Yes, and the owner was even kind enough to offer a small discount for their troubles, though he was a bit distressed when he discovered the customers shouting. He cried out “My bones!” before shooing the customers away. As he investigated, he found a large cluster of spiders, which promptly scattered towards him. He screamed again, “My bones!” but this time adding “spiders!” before fleeing the scene. Back to you.

Anchorman. Thank you (Field Reporter exits, the left side of the stage darkens). Again, we here at Z News wish to emphasize the importance of disposing any of Those Who Came Before whom you might have the desire to hang on to. We understand the concern but unless we all do our part, the past will continue to haunt us.

Anchorwoman. Now onto a lighter note, here's the weather (Anchorwoman looks over and the right side of the stage illuminates. Enter Meteorologist, a young woman who is also pale and tired looking. She stands in front of a green screen, assuming the audience can see the digital map.) How's it looking for the weekend?

Meteorologist. Well it looks like there will be another beautiful cloudy weekend ahead. As they've always been since The Big One and the loss of Those Who Came Before, the clouds will be black, with the sky behind a dark shade of red. Sources say that now that the rubble from their old city has been cleared away, the soot from the building should clear up the clouds. Now, as we're all accustomed to the black clouds this may or may not prove an issue, and we will be investigating the possible effects of clear skies in relation to the new outbreak of infection. After all, if the new infection may be caused by sunlight, and the symptoms are not unlike Those Who Came Before... Well, regardless, there is nothing to worry about at the moment, and the weekend should be perfect for long, slow walks.

Anchorman. Thanks, sounds like a good forecast (Meteorologist exits, the right side of the stage darkens).

Anchorwoman. Reports from the Governor say that he is indeed running for reelection in a few months time. This was initially controversial, as the Governor is still suffering from his scandal regarding one of Those Who Came Before. However, when we asked a representative from his cabinet about the issue, we were told there are no more skeletons in his closet.

Anchorman. And as we all know the holidays are coming up, but with all the recent troubles with the infection and the resonant inflation from The Incident (he pauses to clear his dry throat, then continues in his raspy voice), it might be difficult to get into the cheerful spirit of the season (Enter Intern, who sits on the right side of the desk). Here now with a few tips on how to stay positive and not as morbid is our own intern here at Z News, who is filling in for one of our special reporters.

Intern (young but similarly sagging and empty-looking, but with a bit more enthusiasm in his dry voice). Happy to be here. Well like you said, it's not easy to be optimistic these days, but if we all make an effort to be kind and caring towards one another, it'll be easier on all of us. So first of all, try to take a moment out of your day to remember Those Who Came Before who were lost. Too many of us either try to forget them or scold those who mourn them publicly. Next, come up with some goals for your new life. We've all been affected by The Incident, and more lately the infection, but those who manage best are not those who mope around or wander aimlessly through the streets for food. And finally, I personally believe the gift of giving is the greatest way to spread holiday cheer this time of year. A simple act of kindness to a friend, relative, or someone else in need can be incredibly meaningful to all parties involved. Just some thoughts. In any case, happy holidays and thanks for letting me on the show!

Anchorwoman. And we wrap up our show, as always with our traffic reporter (Traffic Reporter enters behind the wall stage left, which now illuminates, looking equally dead-looking). How's it going out there for the evening commute?

Traffic Reporter. Well there are still a great many delays as usual since The Incident. However, with a good percentage of the wreckage cleared away in our downtown area and a five mile radius of highways. Should be a pretty clear drive tonight, though as always, remember to drive very slowly to maintain low heart rates.

Anchorwoman. We've also been told that there are some developments with the trains in the southeastern part of the city?

Traffic Reporter. Ah yes, they've now been pushed to just outside the corner of Main and 104th Street. A large crowd showed up today to combine forces and move the two trains from the central intersection, with a large shouting of “Trains!” when they'd been pushed out of the way. That'll surely clear up traffic even further (Traffic Reporter exits and stage left darkens).

Anchorman. Alright well that's our show for the evening -

Anchorwoman. We hope to see you here tomorrow -

Anchorman and Anchorwoman (together, smiling wide smiles, eyes still remaining hollow and empty-looking as they stare out at the audience). And thanks for watching Local Channel Three Zombie News.

The End.