(A GIRL and a BOY, both young adults, walk into a Seven-Eleven. Though one wouldn’t understand it, they’re longtime friends. GIRL is dysfunctional, a bit unhinged, and doesn’t have much of a filter. BOY is trying his best with her: lucky for him, he can handle bullshit well)

GIRL
You’re getting cigarettes for your mom, right? Think you can... ?

BOY
I’m not getting you any. You smell like an arsonist when you smoke.

GIRL
(not listening to BOY; off in her own space)
Nevermind, actually. My dad might try to bum some off of me, f***ing cheapskate.

BOY
That’s not why I - whatever. Do you want any snacks instead?

GIRL
Nah. I’m going on a diet.

BOY
Really? What’re you gonna eat, then?

GIRL
Probably nothing.

BOY
(doesn’t react: assumes she’s screwing with him at first)

Sounds concerning. What’re you living off of, then?

GIRL
Vodka. Oh, and cigarettes. Gotta have that variety.
(BOY pauses, but doesn’t respond for a bit)
That was a joke, Jesus Christ. Stop looking so nervous.

BOY
Then don’t say s*** like that.
(beat)
You know I get anxious about my mom’s health already. Don’t make me worry about you, too.

GIRL
First of all, I’m in complete control of myself-

BOY
Said every addict ever-

GIRL
I’m not like, a real addict. Cigarettes are nothing. At least I’m not doing heroin or smoking meth or sniffing paint, or whatever people do now.

BOY
(smiles, but there’s still underlying worry)
You look like you do, anyway.

GIRL
Says the a**hole that showers only once a month.

BOY
I told you, Mom can’t pay for the heating bills anymore, so the water’s cold as f***. I’m not freezing and dying in the shower, and having people find my cold, naked, gross dead body.

GIRL
Sounds hot.

BOY
Sounds like you’re a freak.

GIRL
Christ, take a f***ing joke -
(stops walking, causing BOY to stop as well)
Wait, wait, wait, hold up, stop right there, man.

BOY
What?

GIRL
We just passed the Slurpee machine!
(beat)
Do you not remember? We used to get Slurpees all the time whenever your mom sent you to get s*** here! We’d bring them home, and crush in like, cereal or Doritos for a bit of crunch. That was my s*** when we were little, holy crap.

BOY
We did that for dinner, because my mom got home late and never made dinner beforehand.

GIRL
Exactly! It was the unforgettable taste of childhood neglect!

BOY
It was the unforgettable taste of diabetes. I’m not getting one.

GIRL
Fine. I’m getting a shot of coke on the bottom, with a thick cherry middle, and a swirl of blue raspberry on top. Maybe pink lemonade for pizazz. Surprise me.

BOY
Why am I getting you one?

GIRL
Because you love and value my existence?

BOY
I wouldn’t go that far.

GIRL
Buddy. Pal. Amigo. My homie: please get me a Slurpee? Please?
(beat)
C’mon, the walk over here made me tired.

BOY
Hearing you b**** about the walk made me more tired. Besides, it’ll take like, what? Five minutes to make it yourself? Just make your Slurpee and let’s leave.

GIRL
(beat)
I thought you cared. I thought we reached a level of friendship only people could dream of, to the point where I could trust you to make the perfect Slurpee. But I guess -

BOY
Oh my God, I’ll pay for you -

GIRL
The betrayal was too great -

BOY
We’re literally standing in front of the machine -

GIRL
I guess you can’t trust fake friends -

BOY
I’m getting your f***ing Slurpee! Calm down! Christ!

GIRL
You’re the best, you know that?

BOY
You don’t say that enough to me.

GIRL
(barely hides a smirk)
I think once is okay.