I was always kind of scared of everyone. They always seemed to stare. I never knew why. Why would they look. What was there to look at. I was just some cog in the wheel, just there to do my job and get it over with. But they were looking at something. When I say everyone, I mean everyone. My classmates, my friends, my family, random people I pass on the street. It always feels like they are looking. Thinking. Plotting. My dog stared too, but I trust my dog. He is innocent. The only kind of true innocence is child innocence, and that disappears rather quickly. No one is truly innocent. Everyone is planning something, no matter how small, they are still planning. They see everything you do, hear everything you say, and they remember it all. They remember and they plan. I don’t know what they saw, heard, or remember, but it was enough for me not to know what they planned. Do people know I knew. I don’t know. As I said, I don’t know what they know, just that they know. God, now I’m ranting. But maybe it is just all in my head. But maybe it isn’t. I am sure they are planning, and even if they aren’t, they still remember. Knowledge is power, but what will they do with that power. Some people do a pretty good job at lying. They say the right things, and act the right way. But their eyes say everything. People say compliments, and sometimes cheer. But mouths and voices lie, their eyes say it all. Disappointment, guilt, fear, joy. People will talk to each other when they think I can’t hear. They say my name, I hear when they talk, I know they are plotting something. Sometimes, people will do anything to get rid of the things they don’t like. It doesn’t take much for someone to make that decision, and it doesn’t take much to accomplish the task either. Others don’t even try to hide it, strange glares, staring for a long time, or sometimes they tell others. I hear them. I don’t know all they know, or all that they say, but I know enough to know they still remember. I think it is starting to get to me. I’ll hear something so simple as a locker opening down the hall at school, and the first thing that goes through my mind is what will happen next. I will lay awake at night waiting to hear the knob on the door slowly turning, or glass breaking. Other times, I stare out the window waiting for someone to be sitting there in the bushes, watching, waiting, listening. I’ve began to see things. I’ll see shadows just out of the corner of my eye, and when I look at them, they disappear like they were never there. Sometimes, the shadows don’t stay in the corner. About a month ago, I lay in bed waiting for the same old thing, I had my head under the pillow, just waiting. I heard the knob to my door creak, I watched as the door slowly crept open. It’s hinges made a slight hissing sound. Then as fast as night was black a shadow darted across the room. Scared half to death, I sat up and looked around my room. There was no shadow, the door was closed, and all was silent, like nothing had ever happened. About fifteen minutes later, still lying with my head under my pillow. I began to hear music. I was able to see the clock. It was about 1:00 in the morning. It was very quiet, but it was music. I could tell what song it was too, It was Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash. I could hear him singing, I could hear the guitar playing. It was clear as day, like he was sitting right there across the room playing away. Then it just faded away, that was the first and last time anything like that ever happened, so far at least. I went to school the next day, and when I walked in, I had the strangest feeling. It was hard to describe. If you’ve ever had that classic dream of coming to school in your underwear, you’ll know what I mean. You can’t really tell what's worse. The fact that you came to school naked, or the fact that nobody says anything about it. Now imagine that exact same feeling, but with the exact opposite conditions. Nothing's wrong, but everyone's looking at something. Every step I took walking down the halls sounded like thunder. It felt like every word I said could be heard by everyone. It’s always felt like that, but never like this. It still feels like this. I’m not scared if I write it down somewhere no one would ever look. I don’t have a diary or journal for that reason, nothing is stopping someone from flipping through the pages. Writing it down somewhere no one will know helps, it’s like a mask, nobody will be able to recognize you, they have nothing to hold against you if they don’t know anything about you, even if you told them directly. You just have to watch what you say…

                       ...Nothing...