Lauren watched her son, Teddy, from the park bench. He sat in the sand plunging his fat bottom onto another child’s snow angel. The other kid started to cry and their mother came and took him away. Teddy’s smile disappeared and his lip began to quiver at the absence of his new found playmate. Lauren scrutinized her son’s reaction as he burst into tears. She sat and watched as he wailed his tiny little heart out. After a good two minutes she picked him up from the now ruined angel and placed him in his stroller. Lauren absentmindedly smiled at the other mothers who nodded their heads in understanding as she passed them on her way out of the park. Teddy had begun to calm down and was grasping at the cover the stroller had over his head. Lauren, still deep in thought, sped down the familiar slushy pavement of her small, semi-detached home. She parked the stroller in the small shed next to her house and carried her sleeping son inside. She brought the silent boy upstairs into his room and laid him down in his crib.

Lauren returned downstairs to her minuscule kitchen to put the kettle on for a cup of tea as she desperately needed to clear her mind. Something had been bothering her for a week now and she was aching to remove the worrisome thoughts from her mind. He’s still my son, she thought as she plunked a small tea strainer into her cup.   Moving silently across the floor she retrieved the milk container and the sugar bowl from the counter, and placed them on the wooden table next to her. When the kettle flicked off, an indication the water was finished, she brought it over to the table. After pouring the water and respectively adding milk and sugar, Lauren made her way over to the frigid front room, with the tea in hand. She balanced the tea on her laptop and dodged the toys Teddy had previously left out while playing. She finally reached her worn woollen love seat and placed her hot mug onto the coffee table. She shivered and leaned down to turn on the small space heater. The little machine sputtered and coughed to life. 

Lauren wasn’t in the mood to do much work today but there was a deadline hovering above her as she settled into the couch . Her boss, an oily middle aged man who had a talent for slipping his hands places unnoticed by others, had been reminding her all week that this sale was the most important of this year.  The numbers had to be perfect or Lauren might be looking at the business end of a hissy fit. She sighed and slipped out of her thoughts to the glaring computer screen and its ugly spreadsheet. She hated numbers, but after her husband died and she lost her job, this was the best thing that she could find on short notice. Of course she was looking for other jobs, but no one wanted to take on a single mother with confusing hours and a tendency to miss calls. 

She worked for the better part of an hour while Teddy slept soundlessly upstairs. Satisfied with the amount of work she had accomplished, she decided to take a well earned break. Lauren exited out of her spreadsheet and its accompanying documents to open a new tab on the internet. She had recently been experiencing some dizzy spells and minor headaches. She mostly chalked it up to a lack of sleep and the strenuous deadlines placed upon her. Lauren typed into the blinking line without a second thought and a number of stories came up. The headlines told of an unfortunate kidnapping that took place in June 2002 in the small Newport County Hospital. A little baby boy had been taken in broad daylight and has not since been found. The detectives working on the case gave up on the poor soul but left information at the end of the article suggesting that if anyone knew anything that they should contact the police right away. Lauren scrolled down the site to a blurry picture of the newborn baby and his parents, Carla and Lucian Baylor. The sad little thing was thin and his only distinguishing feature was his shock of black hair, whereas his parents both had bright blonde hair. 

Leaving the article and delving further into the depths of the internet, Lauren tried to find more information about the baby and only succeeded in learning his eventual name. Hyacinth Baylor. An awful name really, but his parents had named him for his eccentric grandfather. Feeling bewildered, she left the page and entered something new into the search bar. ‘How to know if a baby’s your own?’ A number of paternity test websites and counselling agencies came up, but nothing about how to know if the small human asleep upstairs was really hers. 

The silence that once consumed the house broke as a rapping on the front door echoed. Lauren, startled by the noise, slammed her laptop shut and rushed to the door. She opened the door breathlessly, hair flying about, to a young man. The man was familiar and seemed happy to see her home on such a cold day. His breath puffed out in white tendrils as he addressed her. 

“Good afternoon Mrs. Monroe, I couldn’t help but notice that your shed door was open and I wanted to let you know instead of trespassing to fix it.” He passed her a warm smile and she instinctively smiled back.

“Alistor, hi.” She stepped out of the door and shut it behind her so as to not let the warm air out of the house. “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Lauren? You’re my neighbour for goodness sake.” Alistor shrugged. This had become a game for him since he moved in this past summer. He had met Lauren and toddler Teddy on their way home from the park one summer evening and had graciously offered to babysit whenever she needed. Lauren politely declined but kept the thought in the back of her mind just in case. 

“Anyway, now that I see you are home, I won’t worry about the state of your shed. I also noticed that the door’s lock isn’t working. I could come over and fix it for you if you like, before I leave on vacation of course.” Lauren studied him. He seemed genuine. Still, Lauren didn’t appreciate when strangers came poking around in her things. She never mentioned it but she had started to suspect that Alistor was looking for more than just to fix her shed. He was always hanging around on his porch waiting for them to leave and seemed to know the exact moment they arrived home. She knew he wanted her to ask about his travel plans but she did not want to get caught up in a long conversation, so she elected to ignore it.

“Thank you Alistor, but the shed is fine. I have a locksmith coming next week to replace it.” This was a lie of course, but she needed him to leave. Teddy would wake soon and she had her deadline. Alistor nodded and rocked on his heels. This guy cannot take a hint can he, she thought. Just then, like an act of God, the baby monitor sprung to life wailing the sounds of Teddy, who had woken up from his nap. “I need to get that,” she said passively waving a hand through the air. Alistor started as though he’d been knocked by a stiff wind. “Right, yes, of course. But you will let me know if you need any help.” Lauren was already backing up to her door, one hand on the knob. She flashed an instinctive smile at him that didn’t quite meet her eyes. Alistor looked as though he might say something else, but she had already slammed the door. She stood with her back to the door and waited for his steps to retreat. After she peeked out the dirty window in the door  and was sure he was gone, she made her way up the roughly carpeted stairs to Teddy’s room. The toddler was standing in his crib, his shirt rumpled and an ominous stink coming from his diaper. Lauren flicked on the lights and cooed at the tired, stinky baby.

“Aw, come here darling, mummy’s got you. Shush now.” She lifted the crying infant from his bed and settled him on the changing table. The offending smell had penetrated her nostrils and she blinked away the tears that threatened to come. She strapped him to the mat and bent down to grab the supplies she needed. When Teddy was around three months old Andrew, her late husband, was changing his diaper one day when Teddy rolled over for the first time, onto the floor. Lauren was beside herself and had rushed him to the paediatrician. ‘Just a bump on the head,’ the doctor stated, ‘nothing to worry yourselves about. Children are resilient, but if you’re worried it might happen again try a mat with straps when you’re not changing him on the floor.’ That day Andrew went out and bought a new mat with straps. 

Lauren straightened up, finding what she needed. The rush of blood filled her ears as a tightness wound its way around her skull squeezing her brain. The noise around her dulled and her vision blackened at the edges. Lauren grabbed the changing table to steady herself and leaned against it. The noise subsided and her senses returned to her. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence and she had discussed it at length with her doctor. A lack of iron, they said and had prescribed supplements to stop the symptoms. They didn’t seem to be doing their job though. The head rushes and aches came more frequently than they did since they moved here and Lauren was doing everything the doctor said to do and more. She took her meds, drank water and tried to be as active as she could but it wasn’t easy with her overly demanding job and equally demanding baby. It wasn’t his fault. He could barely walk, never mind take care of himself. 

She glanced at her baby. Teddy had settled down and was staring at the mobile that dangled above his head. He reached for a little bird that swung around on a string as though it was flying. Lauren shook her head and willed herself to concentrate. She still had a great many things to finish before bed tonight and she wanted to finish her research on the missing little boy. 

A few minutes later she placed Teddy in his playpen downstairs, cleaned, changed, and stink-free. She walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of pre-made formula for Teddy’s snack. She snapped open the microwave and shoved the bottle inside. While it warmed up she stood in the doorway watching her son play with his toys. He was currently preoccupied with a rattle that rustled loudly when he shook it. She studied his face. Everyday Teddy started looking less like his parents. It worried her that Teddy's once blue eyes had turned a dark shade of grey and his shock of black hair had been replaced by blond. He was slowly becoming less recognizable as her son and more as the would-be Hyacinth Baylor. 

Three years ago Andrew and Lauren Monroe had given up on trying to conceive a baby. They had been to many fertility doctors and had blown their savings spending thousands of dollars on I.V.F. treatments. Nothing had worked and they had given up. They agreed that they didn’t want to adopt and if Lauren couldn’t carry the baby herself they didn’t want one, even if it had their DNA. They were heartbroken, but resigned to keep trying even if there was a low chance of a pregnancy. One frosty morning mid October 2001, Lauren awoke and ran to the bathroom. Andrew woke a few seconds later to the sound of vomiting. Later that day Lauren took a pregnancy test and it was positive. It was the happiest day of their life. 

Nine long months later they welcomed their strapping baby boy in Newport County Hospital. Teddy’s birth was difficult and Lauren needed an emergency c-section. Thankfully Teddy pulled through and set through the night. But the next morning Lauren woke to the nurse gently shaking her. She delivered the news that Teddy, their little miracle baby, had fallen gravely ill over night and would probably not make it through the day. Lauren was inconsolable. Eventually they administered her a heavy sedative that knocked her out. The next thing she remembered was the drive home from the hospital a few days later. Teddy was sleeping soundly in his car seat and Andrew was behind the wheel. When asked about what had happened to Teddy, Andrew replied, ‘He was fine, the nurse told us the wrong news. She mistook us for another couple.’ Nothing more was said on the topic. 

A beep from the microwave drew her from her deep memories and she flitted over to retrieve the bottle.  She returned to the compact living room and handed the bottle to Teddy. He sucked on it happily and Lauren turned on the tv to Sesame Street. Teddy’s eyes became glued to the tv as the colourful puppets of Elmo and Big Bird talked about shapes. Lauren returned to her couch and spreadsheet. Two hours passed as she struggled to complete her work and Teddy dozed in his playpen, his bottle long finished. The light soon dwindled to dark and Lauren stopped her work to turn on a lamp. As she bent to the side table, a movement outside caught her eye. A black van had parked directly across the street illuminated by the street light. Curious, Lauren put down her work and pulled the curtains open a little more. 

The person in the van rolled down his window as a man approached. Alistor. He made conversation with the man and he nodded at something he said. Alistor mentioned something and gestured at her house. The man in the van looked at the window and Alistor swung his head around. Lauren quickly shut her hole in the drapes and reddened as if she’d been caught. She wasn’t sure what they’d been talking about but she didn’t want to know. Yawning, Lauren got up and stretched. She looked at the time. Half past ten. Time sure flew by. Lauren shut off the tv and crept over to the playpen. She removed a sleeping Teddy and cradled his small body as she walked the stairs to his room. 

After she placed Teddy down and closed the door, she returned to the living room to clean up. She picked up his toys and placed them back in the boxes that climbed up the small wall backing the staircase. She went to the kitchen and made a small bowl of cereal. She didn’t have much in the way of food, it was grocery day tomorrow. After downing the cereal, she loaded all of the dishes into the old dishwasher and turned it on. The warm thrum of the dishwasher springing to life and punctured the stuffy silence of the beaten down house. She silently moved from room to room, turning off lights and settling the house for the night. 

Finally, Lauren made her way to the upstairs bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked like hell. Her dark wavy hair fell flat against her neck, lifeless from the months of neglect. Her skin had a deathly pallor, although she couldn’t tell if it was from the lack of sunshine or the absence of iron.  The bags under her eyes resembled bruises, certainly from lack of sleep over the rent or some of the other problems she tried to keep at bay. Lauren opened her medicine cabinet and pulled out her toothbrush and toothpaste. She squeezed a blob of the later onto the brush and shoved it in her mouth. After a few quick swipes through her mouth she spat out the foamed paste into the cracked sink and swished some water from the tap. With a sigh she placed the brush back into the holder and shut the mirrored door. 

Lauren turned out the light and shuffled down the hall. As she passed Teddy’s room, her mind wandered to baby Hyacinth. She loved Teddy and she certainly felt the motherly bond to him even though she could never breastfeed. She recalled how he refused to latch no matter what they did. It didn’t matter to them how he fed as long as he did, but she couldn’t help but feel a little dejected that it didn’t work. She could always feel something was off but they had waited for this baby for so long that she brushed it off as postpartum hormones and consulted a book. She of course wondered what had happened in those few days that she couldn’t for the life of her, remember and Andrew never liked to talk about how he almost lost his baby and his wife at once, so they never discussed the mysterious circumstances surrounding Teddy’s birth. 

Lauren slipped out of her dark yoga pants and long-sleeved tee into a tank top and pyjama pants. She settled down in bed and turned out the light. Her train of thought switched to Alistor and the strange man in the van. As far as she knew he was still there watching, waiting. Alistor gave her a weird impression, especially when he moved in so suddenly. He always wanted to help, showing up at her door offering to watch Teddy or fixing the broken fence in the small backyard. Once she had returned home to find him changing her car tires. She was suspicious of him to say the least, and he had all kinds of strange guests. He told her they were coworkers from his government job although he would never specify what it is he actually did. 

Pieces formed in her mind and she suppressed the urge to turn her light back on. No she was being silly. An alarming theory was quickly forming in her mind’s eye. What if Alistor knew that Teddy wasn’t hers and was in fact the kidnapped baby from those years ago? What if he would never tell her what his job was because he was an undercover detective watching her to see if she made any mistakes? What if the man in the van was a replacement for Alistor because he’s going on vacation? What if they are closing in on her right now? Lauren’s heart started to beat faster and she turned in bed. Trying to calm down, she dismissed the rest of the thoughts and distracted herself by going over what she had to do tomorrow. Rent was due on Sunday, she had to go visit the bank and she had a long list of groceries to pick up. Lauren dozed off as her thoughts swirled around from her to-do list and the questions about little baby Hyacinth and Alistor shrank in her mind. 

Lauren sat up with a jolt in a cold sweat. Her head ached. She had been thinking about this for weeks, picking up clues until it all came together in an unbearable crescendo. Her hunches about Alistor, the stress of her job, the baby in the next room who was not hers. It all just needed to go away. Her thoughts kept attacking her and she just needed a little quiet to think, to register. Lauren slid out of bed, her feet silently padding to the door. She paused at the door but she had already made her decision. She turned on the light in the hallway and stumbled down it, blinded by the brightness and the emotions of her decision. The room swayed and Lauren grabbed the wall bracing herself as a wave of pain crashed down on her consciousness. The nausea reared its ugly head and sent bile rising in her throat as she continued her walk down the hall on wobbly legs. 

Lauren quietly swung the door open to Teddy’s room and the light poured in. She silently dragged her way to the crib and stared down at his tiny helpless body in a deep sleep. Lauren’s eyes watched as he made a small gasp and flopped over onto his back. The outskirts of the crib were lined with his plush toys and the blanket he had kicked off. She never put a pillow in his crib as he always seemed to move off it, just like his father. She halted. Was she doing the right thing? Even if this wasn’t the original Teddy, he was just as good as. She’d raised him from the beginning, he was her son. Their son. 

She thought back to Andrew and his beaming face at their baby boy. The day he died, Andrew had picked up and threw him in the air. I tutted at Andrew. ‘Andrew, Andrew please! You’ll make him sick! He’s only just had breakfast.’ He smiled and his eyes twinkled at me. My short brown waves had been pulled back from my face to the nape of my neck in a knot. I had a hint of a smile on my lips and my hands rested on my hips. Andrew replaced our son in his high chair and leaned down to kiss me. I dodged him and smacked his arm. ‘Don’t you dare Andrew Monroe. I’m immune to your charms.’ He threw his head back with laughter, a clear, crisp melody emanating from his body. ‘Well my dear, if that were true you wouldn’t be married to me would you.’ 

Lauren pulled herself out of her reverie and back to the matter at hand. Andrew was dead and she couldn’t do this alone. She couldn’t live this lie that he had started. She grabbed the pillow from the rocking chair and descended upon the crib. She forced the pillow over Teddy’s face and held it down with a force she didn’t even know she had. Teddy alarmed that his air supply had suddenly been cut off, struggled and tried to cry out. Lauren’s body rocked with sobs as she pressed down harder. The adrenaline pumping through her veins suddenly cleared her headache and she forced the pillow down even harder. Tears silently dripped down her face onto the weapon below as Teddy gradually stopped moving. His flailing legs quieted and went limp as his chest stopped moving. After a minute Lauren gingerly removed the pillow from the smothered infant. His face looked troubled as if he was having a bad dream. 

As if in sudden realization of what she’d done Lauren stumbled from the crib and slumped to the floor. The headache and all of its accompanying symptoms slammed back into her with full force. Lauren grabbed her head and shook it as if it might alleviate the pain. She couldn’t be in there. The smell of Teddy painfully made itself known and clung to her as if his soul was still in the room. Lauren didn’t have the strength to walk as her brain shut down. The sickly sweet smell of the baby followed her as she crawled from the room. Something was wrong. Lauren felt drowsy but the rush of the blood in her ears told her the adrenaline was still coursing through her body. 

In a moment of clarity Lauren managed to find her phone but she was unable to dial any numbers. Her vision was swimming and the pain in her head reached another level. She was sure she was dying or even worse she was dead and this was hell for what she did to that poor baby. As Lauren’s eyes began to close she wondered if she would ever wake up.

“Hey there,” said someone in a small voice. Lauren’s eyes twitched. She felt a cold hand on her wrist. Slowly she opened her eyes to a nurse bending to take down her pulse. A beeping was coming from a strange machine hooked up to her. A few bags hanging on metal poles were connected to her via tubes. Lauren looked at the nurse alarmed. “Oh don’t worry honey, the doctor will be in soon and they will explain everything.” The nurses honeyed tones soothed Lauren’s rising fear. 

“Where’s my baby? Where’s Teddy?” The nurse looked at Lauren with pity. She bristled. “Where is my baby?” She asked forcefully. The nurse straightened from her bed and walked away. Lauren tried to move but she was too weak. Tears pooled in her eyes and strained noises came forth from her mouth. Her body whined from the stress of the accident and she grunted. The door slid open and two doctors filed into the room. 

“Hello Lauren,” greeted the foremost doctor, “I’m Dr. Hartlin and this is Dr. Sawyer. We have been watching you since you came in. You have suffered from a bad bout of Carbon Monoxide poisoning. Luckily your neighbour found you just in time. You’ve been admitted for observation for the next few days to make sure the side effects haven’t caused any more major damage. As of right now we are unaware just how far the memory damage has progressed. Dr. Sawyer has some news about your child.” Dr. Hartlin smiled and stepped back for Dr. Sawyer to speak. She stepped forward and Lauren could see the remorse written on her face. “No. No! He’s not dead. Teddy’s not dead.” Lauren’s lip quivered and her tears returned. Sawyer’s face contorted to one of sympathy and she reached for Lauren’s hand. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Monroe.” Dr. Sawyer and Dr. Hartlin left the room, leaving Lauren to her own devices. Lauren wept bitterly. She couldn’t remember what had happened leading up to her hospitalization. There was a distinct gap in her memory. Try as she did, she couldn’t remember.

As she cried and searched in vain for a memory, a forgotten one resurfaced. 'Mrs. Monroe. Mrs. Monroe! I’m so sorry, it seems there was mix up with the information and the nurse was sent to the wrong room. Your baby is completely fine. They are bringing him up as we speak.’ My sobs quieted. Andrew slumped into a chair in relief and looked at me in gratitude. Just then a nurse came in holding a baby. My baby. She carefully handed him to me and then quickly ducked out of the room. I looked at my husband. When I met his eyes they were filled with happiness at our perfect little family. ‘Hello baby, hello my sweet darling,’ I whispered my heart full, ‘I love you baby, my sweet little Teddy bear.’