On His Mind | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Thriller/Mystery
  4. On His Mind

On His Mind

May 4, 2010
By .Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
More by this author
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"bad blood is more satisfying to spill across the floor..."

View profile

I could just imagine him lying there, oddly peaceful in a pool of his own blood. Despite the unsightly wounds running up and down his crimson-stained flesh, he's in no pain. His thoughts are the only thing keeping him alive, the only element binding his soul to his body. But as the sun creeps further into the west, and his assailant towers over him, waiting patiently for the life to leave his eyes, even that begins to fade. It's only seconds now, mere uncountable fragments of time before he's gone from us forever. He chooses to use his last ounce of consciousness wisely, and bring to life an image that once meant so much to him. As he closes his eyes for the final time, and the last breath escapes his trembling lips, you're on his mind.

© Kaylen C., St. Clair, MI

The author's comments:
This piece had begun as a text message, so the tense and point of view is a little messed up. :)
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Irony
By Anonymous
Fiction
Footsteps in the Night
By Anonymous
Fiction
The Eccentric
By Anonymous
Fiction
For Queen, Profit and Diamonds
By Anonymous
Fiction
Crime
By Anonymous
Fiction
All Alone
By Anonymous

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 14 comments.

sydneeharris16 DIAMOND said...
on May. 18 2010 at 5:51 am
sydneeharris16 DIAMOND, Auburn, Maine
76 articles 4 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
we the willing, lead by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. we have done so much for so long with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

View profile
Wow! This is really good! It reminds me not only of war, but the everyday crulety of people. My boyfriend, I think is thinking about going off to war when we graduate in a few years, this made me uneasy. but yet a little better.
pandabearrrr SILVER said...
on May. 18 2010 at 1:32 am
pandabearrrr SILVER, San Pedro, California
6 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
My only regret in life is that I wasn&#039;t somebody else. <br /> - Woody Allen

View profile

wow. i actually think that it sounds better short. yeah description is nice and stuff but i like how it sounded as more choppy. i'm not sure i really know what you had in mind for what was happening so i sort of made up a situation iny my head haha.

also, that's a really great ending. i liked how it was all, kind of morbid i guess is the word i'm looking for and then "you're on his mind". i was just like :O "that's incredible!"

it's a sort of twisted romantic thought. not most would think it would lead to that. but it's so sweet.

i dunno i'm not a romantic myself, but it seemed like it to me.

i'm in love with your writing haha.

Thinker PLATINUM said...
on May. 17 2010 at 12:06 pm
Thinker PLATINUM, Na, Connecticut
47 articles 0 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
A wise word does not make the speaker wise.

View profile
Sounds like something from the book "Milkweed", it's about WW2.
Kandabear SILVER said...
on May. 17 2010 at 10:26 am
Kandabear SILVER, East Bend, North Carolina
7 articles 0 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I went insane from long intervals of sanity.&quot; - Edgar Allan Poe<br /> &quot;The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say but what we are unable to say.&quot; - Unknown<br /> &quot;You must say drunk on writing so that reality can not destory you.&quot; - Ray Bradbury

View profile
Anytime thank you so much for being such a faithful reader of my work. =)
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD said...
on May. 17 2010 at 10:09 am
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;bad blood is more satisfying to spill across the floor...&quot;

View profile
Thanks, and now that you mention it you're right, it could have used a little more detail and description.  Thanks for the advice!
Kandabear SILVER said...
on May. 17 2010 at 10:07 am
Kandabear SILVER, East Bend, North Carolina
7 articles 0 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I went insane from long intervals of sanity.&quot; - Edgar Allan Poe<br /> &quot;The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say but what we are unable to say.&quot; - Unknown<br /> &quot;You must say drunk on writing so that reality can not destory you.&quot; - Ray Bradbury

View profile
Aw. This little piece made me want to tear up. Short. I wish there had been a little more description, just a little more. But I loved it. Good. Good Good.
sNIKerz said...
on May. 16 2010 at 11:56 am
Wowerz another amazing piece by you... I am not kidding, Your work is beyond great!! I wish i could be as good as you =)
sydney_hope GOLD said...
on May. 15 2010 at 8:02 pm
sydney_hope GOLD, Round Rock, Texas
15 articles 0 photos 55 comments
View profile
Haha! I figured something of that sort. :)
Fredwardness SILVER said...
on May. 15 2010 at 1:35 pm
Fredwardness SILVER, Romeo, Michigan
8 articles 6 photos 211 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun&quot; -The Killers (Read My Mind)<br /> <br /> &quot;If you don&#039;t know where you&#039;re going, any road will take you there.&quot; -George Harrison

View profile
This is really good, very emotional. I love it. =D
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD said...
on May. 15 2010 at 5:01 am
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;bad blood is more satisfying to spill across the floor...&quot;

View profile
Thanks!  Well...I'm not really 100% sure what this could be a part of.  I'm just prone to writing overly dramatic death scenes, this just somehow arose in a conversation over sms with one of my friends.  I think it went a little something like, "I'm the last thing on his mind."  And I countered, "Yeah, the last thing before he dies!"  Thus forth, this. :)
sydney_hope GOLD said...
on May. 15 2010 at 4:56 am
sydney_hope GOLD, Round Rock, Texas
15 articles 0 photos 55 comments
View profile
This is really good! It made me think a lot. What was the context of this text? ;D
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD said...
on May. 15 2010 at 1:46 am
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;bad blood is more satisfying to spill across the floor...&quot;

View profile
Thanks! :) I'd like to turn it into a story, but I'm not exactly sure what the story would be about... any ideas? 
Ridersblock said...
on May. 14 2010 at 6:36 pm
Ridersblock, Morehead, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
&#039;Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren&#039;t you already there?&#039; -Richard Bach

View profile
This is great!  The last part is very touching.  The picture you chose to go with it is very compatible.  Keep it up!
AvengedJasonFold said...
on May. 12 2010 at 6:37 pm
Now that's just cold! Awesome though. Are you turning it into a story? It makes a great introduction.