I’m sure in everyone’s life there has been a time when they were so sacred they didn’t know what to do with them self. So petrified they couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Just stood still as a statue while they witnessed their worst fear turn to life and happen right in front of their eyes.
I had seen him right before he had gone to bed. We had stayed up to our usual hour of about 2 or 3 am. Playing games and just talking, doing whatever passed the time really. Finally we decided it was time for bed. We parted our separate ways down the hallway each into our own rooms. “See you tomorrow.” I said closing the door. My head hit the pillow of my bed and I was out like a light.


I awoke the next mourning not how I’d usually wake up. I leapt from my sleep, screaming. Gasping my body covered in a chilled sweat. I must have had a dream, but I couldn’t remember a thing. Figuring there was no sense in worrying about it I showered and dressed myself like any other day. The house was unusually quiet. Mom was out of course, working as usual. Tonight was one of her later nights so she wouldn’t be home until later, Probably around 7 or 8. Not that I minded being alone in the house, just Ryan and I listening to music and playing games, maybe have a friend over or two and call it a day. Now that I thought of it I hadn’t seen Ryan around at all. I figured it’d check his room since it was only 11:00 am so he must be still sleeping. He’d sleep all day if nobody woke him. I nudged the door open, peered inside. The bed was empty. Not only was it empty, but also the room was completely spotless. It was the first time I ever saw Ryan floor since we moved into the house in 9th grade.


It was strange Ryan not being in bed. I checked the TV room, the den, the kitchen, the basement the backyard, the attic, everywhere. He simply wasn’t there. I picked up the phone dialed his number. It rang twice then clicked and went to voice mail. Again I called. The call went Straight to voicemail this time. My heart started to race. What should I do? Could he be in danger? I called mom, but of course no answer so I left a message “Call me back when you can I can’t find Ryan.” With that I started running through he house screaming pacing. My heart beating faster and faster. Had something happened? What if he’s in trouble? Pacing into the TV I saw a note, Taped to the TV. It was Ryan’s handwriting.




Don’t bother looking for me you won’t be able to find me. I’m going somewhere where I can end this. End my world. People have told me time and time again it’s worth it and I just can’t see how. It doesn’t get better; there is no such thing as really ever being happy. If you love me you’ll set me free.

My eyes had turned wide. My body started to shake. I felt my stomach twirl in my stomach. I felt dizzy like I was going to collapse. Tears built into my eyes, tears of rage, and tears of sadness, tears of fear. My worst fear had come to life.



This wasn’t how I pictured life. I never wanted it to be this way. I think back on it now and I ask myself was I happy all those years? How did I make it this far? Was I really not able to counting? If you asked me I honestly couldn’t even tell you what was wrong. I’d come off blank and answer you with a “nothing”, or I’d just say everything and leave it at that. Either way you looked at it to anyone I didn’t seem ok, but did that make anyone ask? No they just went on with their lives. Now I’m moving on with mine.
He had Probably found my letter by now. Freaked out tried to call mom. Everyone’s in a frantic now because nobody knew where I was. I had come to this spot for a while. It was an old bridge about a mile back in the woods. If you weren’t looking for it you wouldn’t find it. It was almost 15 feet high. It crossed over a lake, that wasn’t two deep. I actually have no idea why anyone would build this stupid bridge. I’d been in the water a few times it was only about knee deep, but still I couldn’t complain. It was a place nobody could ever find me.
I had played it over in my head a billion times. Constantly from me jumping off the ledge, to falling in what seemed like a slow motion. It would probably take all of 3 seconds for me to hit the rocks below. The rocks where my head would smack and my bones would shatter against the stones killing me ending my life. Even though I had played it over in my head doing it was a totally different thing. After all you only live once right?
I had looked everywhere. He was nowhere to be found. I pounded on my steering wheel cursing myself cursing the world. How was it nobody could have known was everyone really that oblivious? I sat there thinking, then I realized. A few years ago I had taken Ryan to that old bridge in the woods. Could it be he went there? What f I got there to late? I threw the car into drive and slammed the pedal down going full speed ahead.


I parked the car outside the tree line. The thick trunks of trees left little to be seen through them. I had no idea what could be on the other side. Still I had something to do. Without hesitation I looked for the right path and followed it down. I began into a run. Sprinting through the woods trying not to trip over branches and things that lay all across the ground.
I had sprinted almost a mile when I saw the bridge up ahead. It stood 15 feet high. The wood on it was rotting, but you could tell it had been sturdy enough to walk on. There may have been a few pieces that would give out if their weight limit was reached, but that didn’t stop me. I screamed his name and climbed to the top.
How the hell did he find me? I knew I should have picked a better spot. He looked like a complete mess. Covered in sweat eyes red with tears, fists clenched. He stood up straightened himself. Our eyes locked. Everything grew quiet. I could feel his anger and worry.

“Please there is another way you don’t need to do this.” He choked trying to keep himself from yelling or breaking into tears. I had no answer to give I didn’t know what to say so I just stood there. My eyes wandered to the ground.

“You’re coming home.” He said reaching for my wrist I pulled away slightly Pulling him forward. A board stuck out from the floor we stood on. Knocking him forward. Losing his balance and stumbling, flailing his arms around to regain his balance. I reached for him, but by the time my arm had extended he had fallen over the edge.

From me watch it was just like I pictured. Time seemed to stop for all of two seconds as he floated in the air. Just out of reach from me catching his arm. He fell screaming until he hit the rocks below. Then everything was silent. Not a creature in the woods made a sound. Even the running river had seemed to become silent. I climbed down and rushed to him. His face was cut up from the rocks along with his arms. His head was bleeding greatly. I tried searching for a pulse, but there was nothing.
I felt my stomach turn. I became light headed and dizzy. I tried to stand, but couldn’t keep a balance. I my mind still played the scene over in my head like a movie on replay. I saw him falling, screaming dying. I fell to my knees trying to fight back the tears that rushed into my eyes. After that everything went black.
I awoke screaming in my bed. My body was cold. The whole room was cold. I sat up out of bed and checked the clock. 3:a00 am is what the hands read. Had it all been a dream? Did I doze off during the day? Or maybe sleep all day and just wake up now? I got up out of bed to turn on the light, which was shining, usually dim compared to what it usually did. Turning back to the bed I stopped mid spin, eyes open wide to unsure if I could believe what I was really seeing. It was him.
He sat on the bed just like I had left him. His face cut and bloody, a huge bump on his head that was covered in dried blood. His arms a little cut up and he was paler then usual. His eyes where a pure white that you felt creeping up your back and every time he took a breath a chill passed the room, but it was him.
We didn’t know what to say. We sat on opposite ends of the room looking at each other unsure of what to say. We spent hours like that. The clock jump from time to time until the sun creped into the room. AS the sun creped in he began to fade away until he was no longer there and the cold of the room had disappeared. I still couldn’t decide what had just happened. I took a deep breath and sat on the bed where he sat. I heard a whisper in my ear that seemed to say, “ I’ll be watching.” My heart began to race again and I started to feel noxious. The though of these past few hours actually happening was enough to drive me completely insane. And as far as I know it just might. Maybe it already has.