I hear a knock at the window... it is 1 in the morning. Who can it be? What if it’s someone trying to steal something? Before I can think about anything else, I hear the knock again. I peek through my curtain and notice... it’s my boyfriend!

“What are you doing here Thomas?,” I whispered.

“I can’t be home anymore Mandy. Please let me stay here until tomorrow,” he begged with his beautiful big hazel eyes and light brown hair.

It was just too hard to say no. I turned on the light, quietly locked the door to my room and set up a spot for him on my bed. Looking at myself in the mirror, I can see my long brown hair covering my bruise on my shoulder. I wonder if he has noticed the mark he left me that day he pushed me against the school locker. Lying next to him, I feel safe but then I can remember how unsafe it can be.

“MANDIE!!!!” my mother is banging hard on the door. I then remember Thomas was sleeping next to me. As I went to turn around to wake Thomas, I see no one in sight. I ran to open the door.

“I’m up man,” I yelled in frustration.

I’m trying so hard to cover this bruise on my shoulder. The last thing I want is for my brother and mother to notice what is going on. I just want Thomas to forgive me for not being the perfect girlfriend he thought I would be and to stop roughing me up when he’s upset.

Its first period, biology class, I’m so tired, I’m dozing off...
I wake up and quickly look towards the back of the classroom, where Thomas usually sits and he was not there. I start dozing off all over again. I began thinking of all the good times me and Thomas shared back in sophomore year; we were inseparable.

“Mandy, girl snap out of it” crystal my best friend said while waving her hand in my face.

“Crystal can you believe Thomas showed up to my house last night...” before I can even finish my sentence Thomas walked into the room. Everyone got so silent. I got up off my seat and ran to him.

“Where did you go this morning?” I questioned him looking right into his eyes.

“NOWHERE MANDY I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT,” he firmly answered back. I can see his eyes were full of embarrassment and fear.

“Babe can you sit next to me please,” I quietly said

He looked messed up. He didn’t look okay.

“If you want,” he answered back.

Later that night, it is 12am; I hear a knock on my window.

“Is this going to be an everyday thing?” I thought to myself. I opened the window and went right back to bed without acknowledging his presence. As I’m lying down, falling back into my hopes and dreams, I can feel this pressure on me. I suddenly can’t breathe. I can feel my pillow pressing against my face; so much I could not fight for my breath anymore. I’m slowly giving up but then come back to my senses and start fighting back. I kicked and swung my hands, until I felt myself let a deep breath out. He had let the pillow go.

I’m crying hysterically, not able to say a word, I’m in shock.

“Why Thomas, why....” I thought to myself.

He threw himself against the corner of my room, covering his face... he’s bawling to himself. I catch myself walking towards him, scared but worried.

“Babe what’s going on, talk to me” I’m asking while tearing still in fear. I pull his hands away from his face. He gives me this blank stare. He does not say a word.

“ANSWER ME YOU F*ING JERK, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. I LOVE YOU. THE GIRL THAT HAS DONE EVERYTHING FOR YOU FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS. THOMAS. WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON?,” I keep yelling at the top of my lungs.

He suddenly gets up, and pushes me with all his force. I fall against my dresser, banging my head against the hardwood handle. I slowly slip down to the floor, crying. I’m so hurt. Did he really want me dead? I look around and he’s gone...
It is now 7am, and I’m still up, wondering where Thomas goes after he left here, and is he okay. I can’t believe I’m still worried.
Mother walks into the room, seeing me still in bed.

“Momma, can I stay home today, I feel sick” I pleaded before she would yell.

“Mandy, you stayed home last Tuesday, just call my job if you feel worse,” my mother insisted

Momma worked in a beauty salon. Her passion was makeup and hair. My passion was Thomas and his love. I could not face Thomas, not yet. He tried... I didn’t even want to remember what he tried to do.

First period, back in my biology class. I walk in and see Thomas. He's in the back of the classroom; his seat. He was smiling, laughing, joking around with my old best friend Melanie Jones. We stopped being friends once I began dating Thomas. She was into drugs and needles; I was still into dolls and make up. Thomas did not want that for me, but now it seems like he probably does... Why is he with her, he never associated with her, why now? I couldn't resist anymore. I walked up to him hoping he won’t walk away from me.

“What are you doing back here, with her Thomas?” I pictured myself saying. Instead, I just stared at him. He got up off the seat and looked me right in my eye.

“Yes Amanda?” He smirked. He knows I hate my real name.

“Thomas we need to talk, come over tonight I’ll be waiting,” I told him, walking away in confidence; knowing he would show up for sure. Wait. What did I just do, I just wanted to show Melanie that Thomas would always be mine, but now I’m not sure if I want him to come over, but I refuse to lose him, especially to her.

I didn’t want to be in school anymore, so I faked sick and called my mother at work. While walking home, I’m remembering as a child my brother always knew how to make me smile and that’s exactly what I craved right now. Running up my street, into my home, “ISAAC!!!!,” I yelled a few times before he ran into the kitchen. He looked worried, as if I just scared him out of sleep. “What, what happened, you okay?” He asked, catching deep breathes.

“I just need a good old laugh, like old times. I’ve been very isolated from everyone lately” I told him with my puppy face.

He smiled in relief, “C’mon man, I got some movies we can watch for the day.”

I spent that whole day with him. We watched our favorite Kevin Hart stand up comedies, horror movies and played Xbox. Shooting games were my favorite. Isaac and I ate so much junk; I was full for the next month or two.

I can hear my mother coming up the stairs; I knew she was coming in to send us to bed. I kind of wish she didn’t. I knew I was expected to see Thomas in a few.

“Amanda Marie Hendricks and Isaac June Hendricks, it is almost 12 am.... and what is this huge mess; I want you guys in bed and all this cleaned up by the time I come back upstairs to say goodnight” momma kept complaining while walking out of my room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

I left Isaac’s room; I’m walking towards my room slowly. I can see my room so far, but yet I’m so close. Before I can open my room door, I hear the knock, the knock on my window. I snap out of my fear and quickly run into my room, locked the door, turned on the lights and grabbed a pen I saw on top of my dresser. I hid the pen behind my back and opened up the window to let him in. I backed up so much I was practically leaning on my door. “What took you so long, I’ve been waiting out here for like an hour,” he blurted out.

“Why Thomas?”

“Why what man?” he questioned back. Edited to Here

I’m desperate for so many answers but I’m not sure what to ask.
He was not saying anything; he was quietly looking into my eyes. He got closer to me, so I backed up, scared but curious.

“Tell me Thomas, why you’ve been acting so different, why you tried to hurt me”
He put his hand against my face. I felt his warm touch. His touch felt sincere. I began to tear; he wiped my tears and leaned in, pressing his lips against mine. I felt the way I used to feel, I felt in love. I forgot everything; I didn’t care but nothing just him and me right now.
Next morning, I wake up to his innocent like face. I move his bangs away from covering his eyes. All I felt was love at that moment, nothing less. I whisper his name smiling. He opens his eyes and smiles back at me. He looked happy to see me. Then the moment was shot. He seemed to snap back to his senses. His eyes grew small, full of hatred. He got up off the bed and grabbed his clothes off the floor, leaving through the window. Everything happened so quickly; I didn’t have a chance to stop him.
I go downstairs, into the kitchen, poured myself a cup of orange juice. Before taking a sip, I begin to think about last night. It was so beautiful and loving. I just wanted to see him again.
I walked into my school building, and headed towards my locker. From the corner of my eye, I can see two police officers walking down the halls, towards the principal’s office. I felt it in my heart that Thomas is in danger. I didn’t know for sure but I can feel him needing me. I run towards the cops. “Who are you guys looking for?” I asked, hoping I would get a response back. They didn’t acknowledge anything I said. They looking at me with no words and continue going their way. I followed them into the principal’s office. I can see one of the cops, tall dark head older man mumbling the word “murder”. I could not breath. I begin to feel the way I felt that night Thomas tried suffocating me, maybe a bit worse. I ran down the hallways crying. Why me? Why him? I thought. Running so fast without stopping I run into the monster himself. My eyes grew small in fear. He looks me right in my eye. He looked lost and confused, as if he did not remember me. “What happened now”, I shouted out. You killed someone, that’s what happened I thought to myself. While pulling away from him, I speed walk towards my class. I can see Melanie sitting in my seat. Everyone looked so disturbed. I was so furious and hurt I could not help going up to her and demanding her to get up off my seat. She turned her head, looking straight at me. She didn’t acknowledge my presence I was just too upset to argue. I ran out the classroom, through the school hallways and out the building doors.
Imp home now, running up my stairs into my bedroom, throwing myself on my bed. I began crying hysterical wondering what has he done now. I then stay quiet for a second and realize someone’s crying next door in my brother’s room. I slowly creep towards Isaacs’s room. I knock.
He opens. His eyes are bloodshot red. He’s been crying for hours, I can tell. He looks at me with nothing to say, and closes the door in my face. He has never done that before. What’s going on with everyone today I shouted from the top of my lungs? I run back into my room and notice something I didn’t notice before. “Why is there blood stains on my carpet,” I thought to myself in fear. It looked as if someone was murdered in my own room, on my floor. I run out my room, down the stairs and into the kitchen, looking around. I feel the room spinning. I’m scared, confused, lost. I just don’t know what’s going on anymore.
Few minutes later, mother walks into the kitchen, in tears. I do not understand anything. She looks like she’s in suffering pain. I walk towards her to see what’s wrong, but the house phone rings. She answers.

“I’m holding up badly Sara, this is so painful” my mother says to our next-door neighbor.

“What channel? I don’t think I would be able to handle this Sara, it’s hard losing someone you love this much” mother says while her voice cracks.
Mother turns on the TV, and puts the channel 2 news. I can see in momma’s face, she is devastated. Watching the news, sitting right beside momma I hear...

“Teenage girl murdered by 18 year old boyfriend”

As I keep listening to the news, I than here...

“16 year old Amanda Hendricks was murdered last night in her home on Jenkins Street, Only suspect was Thomas Williams who was also found dead in the scene, it appears to be a murder suicide.”
Not being able to breathe, I look towards my mother. She is crying nonstop. I try to hold her tight, but I can’t. I go right through her. I feel lost, confused. I cannot be dead. I just can’t be. This is not real. I need to wake up from this dream.
Slowly backing away from my mother, I flashed back to my brother closing the door in my face, Melanie not acknowledging me, and the police not answering me. They didn’t see me, cause I’m not real. I'm dead. I'm a ghost. My eyes begin to water.
“How can a love so strong turn into this?” I whispered to myself.
I slowly start going up the stairs, one by one. I can now feel my weight being lightened, sort of like I’m floating; but I’m really not. I only feel this way because I now know I am not real, well not alive.
Looking around, thinking of the times Thomas and me shared, I glance at the blood splatter on my carpet. I don’t remember anything from that night. As I walk towards the stain, I kneel down to the floor. I touch the splatter and soon get this rush through my body. I’m now remembering Thomas and I fighting. I see him gripping on my arm, saying, “No one should find out Mandy”. I suddenly snap back to reality. Was that a daydream? Nightmare? Or was it a vision, a memory of what happened that night... I felt my heart racing, my eyes burning on how much I cried today, and hands shaking. I look around, feeling the room spinning around me.
“What didn’t he want me to know?” I said out loud. If I knew something, and wasn’t able to tell anyone, I would’ve def. wrote it in my diary.
I began to throw my pillows and blankets off my bed. I lifted my mattress off the bed and didn’t see my diary. It wasn’t there!! Only person I can think of to have my diary would have to be Isaac. I’m tippy toeing into Isaac’s room, and then remember I’m dead. He won’t even see me. I glance at him, and see his nose, cheeks very rosy and eyelids very puffy. Looks like he’s been crying for hours. I begin to go through all Isaac’s draws. Last draw, to the right corner I see a little purple journal. It’s my diary! I sit on the bed next to my brother. I read...

“... I can’t believe Thomas’ dad would ever do that to him. That’s his son. He should love him and protect him, not molest him. He was only 7 Years old. I wish Thomas would let me help him; we would both get rid of him together. I don’t know if I should be thanking his older brother Billy for reminding him on what happened or hate him. Thomas is a complete mess. I hope he would change his mind. Well I’m heading to bed now, with Thomas asleep right next to him. It was a beautiful night besides the argument we had about me wanting to tell. Goodnight” April 11th.

I wrote this the night before I was found dead. I could not find the reason why Thomas would want to kill me if we went to sleep fine.
It is now morning and I have reread this diary entry over a million times. Didn’t I get a vision when I touched the carpet, maybe I would get another vision if I touch something else of that night. MY BED! I thought to myself.
I run into my room, barging in and slamming the door shut. I rush to the top of my bed and start touching all around the sheets. I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t see anything. I felt useless. Looking around, I see my window. Thomas always came through my window. I slowly walk towards it and touch it, softly.

“Babe, I’ll do it with you. I love you. I will do anything for you Thomas”

“Even take your life?” He whispered. We stare at each other for minutes, hand by hand.

I snap back to reality. What? I wanted him to kill myself for a BOY. WHAT THE F***? I thought to myself. I was never this type of girl. I can’t believe I am going through all this right now. It has to be a dream. PLEASE BE A DREAM I’m shouting in my head as loud as can be.
Running out my room, into my brothers I see him awake. Writing in a notebook. Since when does my brother own a diary, I giggled to myself? Walking towards him, I peek over his shoulder to read...

“.... Ever since that night, I can’t even sleep right. Why do I keep remembering me in Mandy’s room with blood all over me? Why do I keep seeing myself looking over her dead body? I think I killed her! God please help me figure out what to do. Help me remember. I love my little sister, I would never want to hurt her.”

In complete shock, I back up from my brother. I can feel my heart speeding and eyes squinting, I’m ready to burst out into tears. But I hold it in. My brother murdered my boyfriend and me! He killed us! He stabbed us to death! He let us bleed on him! I start crying, all I feel is a waterfall of salt rush through my face, I yell from the top of my lungs.

“MURDERRRR, YOU A KILLER. YOU KILLED ME, YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, YOU SON OF A B****, HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE” I throw myself the floor, hoping he would hear me. Suddenly I see him look back. He heard me? HE HEARD ME! I thought to myself.

He starts walking towards me. He can see me! He reaches his hand and touches my face. Tears are rushing down his face. I look into his eyes, crying and begging for an answer with the look I’m giving him.

“I’m sorry baby sis. I love you” He’s wiping his tears.

“I forgive you Isaac, I love you I promise I love you” I said

Going in for a hug, I remember Thomas and I fighting again. He has a large kitchen knife in his hand.

“Stab me, and then I stab you. We take turns until we bleed out together. Its simple Mandy, Please do this for me. YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO THIS WITH ME” Thomas is screaming.
Then I can see myself crying saying “No, Please I can’t do this. I change my mind. You sound so crazy, what is wrong with you. YOU NEED HELP”
I can see Thomas eyes grow in anger; He grabs me by arm and pushes me onto the floor. He gets on top of me. Pinning my legs with his. He’s choking me. We hear a knock on my door, I couldn’t breathe or scream. He takes the knife and shoves it into my stomach. I feel the rip in my stomach, the pain and last breaths. Slowly leaving, I see my brother rushing in. He see’s me laying on the floor, with Thomas standing over me. Thomas drops the knife. He’s in shock. He can’t believe he did this to me. I can see it in his eyes. My brother doesn’t say a word. His eyes say it all. They were watery and ready to burst. He picks up the knife off the ground saying. “It’s okay Thomas, I understand. She was a handful.” He’s slowly walking towards him. I’m taking my last breath, to see my brother rush the kitchen knife into his stomach while going in for a hug. Thomas drops to the ground. Isaac runs to me, standing over me. He has blood on his shirt. He’s sobbing, looking straight at me.

“Forgive me baby sis for not coming in on time to save you, please forgive man die baby” my brother shouted before storming out my room.

I suddenly get back to reality. My brother didn’t kill me. Crying tremendously with a smile, I tell him “Isaac, you didn’t kill me, you killed Thomas because he...

“BECAUSE HE KILLED YOU, I JUST REMEMBERED MANDIE. I JUST REMEMBERED EVERYTHING, I DIDN’T KILL YOU” he realized in complete happiness.
Next morning waking up, I realize Thomas is lying right next to me. I’m confused. I look at the date and it’s the same day I supposedly got killed. Hearing my mother's voice, from downstairs, “Mandy wake up you’re late to school”. Cuddling over next to Thomas, I suddenly realize this was all a dream.