Almost
By Ashley Lewis
It was all a blur. The man with the skull tattoo on his neck. The gunshots. My parent’s lifeless bodies on the floor. The police. The funeral. Everything. They’re like distant memories but they happened only a week ago. It’s like a dream I only remember parts of, but fill in the missing pieces to discover it’s really a nightmare.
I wake to the sound of crying. It’s a familiar cry that I know well. I wake to it almost every morning. It’s me. My crying. My pain being expressed. They’re gone. They’re really gone. I try stopping so I don’t wake Rian but I know she’s already up twisting her charm bracelet mom gave her when she was three. I hear the footsteps that always follow my sniffles. Rian’s slippers on the cold, chipped ground getting closer and closer.
Finally I see two dark shadows at the bottom of my door. As I walk over I try to clear my skin from the tears but my face is stained. I pull the door open. “It’s okay Jacey. Mom and dad will be back soon.” she says as she raps her arms around me. She doesn’t understand that they will never be back. That they are dead. We hug for a long time. She comforts me with her innocence and almost makes me believe that they are on a trip and will be back soon. Almost.
We pull apart and dry our red and puffy eyes. Rian goes to get dressed for school and I go to make her lunch but can never make it to the kitchen. That’s where it happened. Where my worst nightmare came true. I give her money to buy lunch at school, tell her I love her, and then she’s gone.
I’m alone and I can’t stand the silence or this house. The air is filled with too much pain and memories. As I go to my room, I see my parent’s room and tears force their way out. I rush pass holding them back. I can’t cry anymore because if I do I will never stop. The tears don’t come back and I am grateful they are letting me have a dry face for a while. It feels nice, not crying.
I lay back in bed and I hear my phone vibrate against my dresser. I know its Ty because I have a different buzz for him. He comes over every day to make sure I’m okay. He is worried about me but I don’t want him to be.
I tell myself I have to go into the kitchen and clean the floor. I have been meaning to do it for a while but could never build up enough strength. I go into the bathroom, grab the yellow gloves, bleach, and a small towel. I make my way down the stairs and stop before the doors that lead to the kitchen. I stand there for a while waiting. I don’t know I’m waiting for but after a few minutes pass I tell myself: It has to be done. Go. It has to be done.
I push the door and walk slowly to the tiles that are covered with dried blood. I drop to my knees and get to work. Tears attack my dry face. I scrub and scrub but the blood never fades. I keep scrubbing the floors but nothing happens. My throat is tight and I can’t breathe. The tears become waterfalls and I scream. I scream as loud and as long as I can. Tears flow into my mouth but I don’t stop screaming. My hair sticks to my face and I continue screaming. Why won’t the blood leave. I don’t want you there! Just go away!
The front door slams against the wall as it flies open. Ty rushes in. Once he’s in the kitchen he slows his pace and says in a soft voice, “Shh. Shhh. It’s okay. I’m here Jay. It’s okay.” He takes the towel and gloves from me and leads me to the bathroom. He washes my hands and dries my face but the tears keep coming. “I texted you I was coming over.”
He leans down so he is eye level and I lose myself in his light grey eyes. They search my face, landing on my eyes. He pulls me close kissing the space between my eyebrows. The he pulls me to his chest and I dig my head into his shoulder blade. His hands run up and down my back and calm me. And for a minute everything is okay. And we are in our own world and all the weight we carry has been lifted off our backs. His embrace is so powerful I almost forget everything. Almost.
“Hey Jay.”
“Hey.” I croak, my voice weak.
“C’mon. Let’s go. You can’t stay in this apartment all your life now can you?”
“But I need to clean th-.” I am on the verge of crying again.
“I’ll do it. Just go get dressed.” He smiles and heads to the kitchen. I go up to my room, get into my winter clothes and head down to find Ty putting away all the cleaning supplies. He winks reassuring me that the blood is gone. He puts on his jacket and as we are about to walk out the door ask, “How come you’re always a hero?”
“I’m not. I’m only your hero.” My heart beats fast and there is a small pang in my chest.
“I love you.” The words slip out of my mouth, but then realize I did not say those words. My heart did. And I realize they have wanted to come out for a long time but have been pushed aside.
“I love you too. Forever and always.” He says sending a chill through my body.
“Forever and always.” I repeat lightly. He pulls me close until the gap between us disappears. His kiss gives me hope that everything will be okay.
We pull away and are soon out the door, down the elevator, and on to the snow covered ground. People stare, but not for too long. They haven’t seen me in a while. We walk to the park and sit on the swings, watching the snow fall gently to the Earth.
I see a glint on his hip. “What is that?” I say.
“Nothing.” He says a little too sharply, struggling to push whatever he has back under his shirt. His hands nervously fumble and a gun drops into the snow. “Where’d you ge- Why do you have a gun?” I whisper in a stern voice.
“I took it from my dad to protect you. The guy that killed your parents got away and you don’t know why he killed them or if he’s coming back.”
“So you plan on shooting him!” I don’t care how loud I am right now.
“Listen. I don’t want anything to happ-”
“Please! Just put it back.” I plead.
“Fine.” He says after a long time.
We go to his house down the street. I stay outside and when he come back out we go to the school to pick up Rian. As usual she is excited to see Ty. “How was school Ri?
“It was amazing! I love kindergarten. Today me and Riley were partners in the spelling game and we won!
“Wow! That’s great.” I say picking up Rian and swinging her around.
“Are mom and dad back yet?” She asks when we get home.
“No, not yet.” My eyes began to tear up.
“Hey. Why don’t we go to the arcade. Have some fun for a while. Huh?”
“Yeah!” Rian cries.
“That would be nice.” I say. Ty takes hold of my hand and our fingers find their way around each other. I mouth “Thank you” and he gently squeezes my hand.
We live in the center of town so it only takes five minutes to arrive at the arcade. As soon as we enter through the doors kids are screaming and running everywhere. Ty buys Rian some tokens and she goes straight to the dancing games, her favorite. Ty and I sit down on a bench across from Rian. “Are you okay?” he asks after some time. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. I just feel like I need to tell her because every time she asks me when they are going to be home I keep saying soon, soon and I just want her to know that they’re never coming back.”
“I know it’s hard. She’s little and wouldn’t understand that her parents aren’t coming back.” Tears are about to come pouring out of my eyes so I say, “Can we talk about something else please.” He looks at me with understanding eyes and kisses me softly. I look toward the dance game and find a blond haired boy playing. I look around but Rian is nowhere to be seen. Ty must see the concern in my face because when he looks at me he starts yelling, “Rian! Rian! Where are you?” I join in and by this time we are walking around the small arcade searching for her.
We run outside and I see him. The man that has haunted my nightmares for the past week. The man with the skull tattoo along the side of his neck. The man that killed my parents. The man that now has a gun to Rian’s head. She is crying and when she sees me starts crying even more. “Jacceeyy!! Help me!!”
“Shut up!” The man yells and she quiets down. “Where is it?” Now he has his eyes on me. Where’s what. What’s going on?
“Put her down!” I scream, my voice cracking at the last word.
“I want to know where those bastards put my diamonds! You’re parents are thieves and I want my money!”
“My parents are not thieves!”
“Oh yes they are honey. I used to work with them. Then they screwed me over! Tell me where they are or I will shot her!” Ty reaches behind him and in one quick motion has a gun pointed at the man. There is a gunshot, I scream. The world almost goes silent.
Almost.