Never Kid A Kidder
No matter what I do I can’t seem to attract this man’s attention.  I’ve laughed at all of his attempts at jokes and I even complimented him on his Kenneth Cole’s shoes, nothing seemed to work.  As I watch as Ken frantically checks his watch every couple minutes and even sometimes his phone, is when I realized, he’s a cheater.  Oh man, is he a cheater. I see it all over his face.  I should’ve known he was a cheater from the way he looked at every girl walking by and from the way he postured himself: sitting back with his arms over his head, radiating himself with confidence.  When I saw him at La Trille I thought yes finally, a man I could love, a man that would finally give me a run for my money, but I was horribly wrong.  As he sat there sipping deliquently on his white wine, talking about his new corporation idea, I felt so disappointed.  “I must go, I have an urgent business meeting in ten…shall we do this again?” he said scrambling to get his belongings.  I sat there taking a nice gulp of my sparkling water to let him sweat it out a bit and said, “Why yes I’d love that.”  As he walked out of the bistro, panting to get back to his wife, little did he know I was right behind him.  As I followed him, he kept checking behind his back.  He knew.  As he got in his taxi I tailed him on my bike, I was already ahead.  The taxi pulled over at 1621 Old West Drive so I pulled over and hid my bike behind a tree.  As he started to walk into his house I stealthily ran behind him to keep up.   This ones not dumb, he knows.  He turned around and even before I could see his face he dropped to the ground.  I bring down my gun and walk over to him and look at what I had just done.  A sudden relief went through my body.  I walked away enjoying the beautiful scenery, there’s something about the fresh smell of blood that always keeps me wanting more.  I put my gun in my backpack and hopped on my motorcycle and rode home.
. . .
At first it started off as a hobby, but now it’s become more of a lifestyle.  I’m thirty-six years old and I should be with my family, going on vacations having the whole perfect life.  Well I don’t, I’ve been searching for love since I was sixteen and have not found it.  The closer I think I’m coming to love the more I see their flaws, their lies, and I get an itch.  An itch I just have to scratch.  They have to go. They can’t live. I can’t let these monsters roam the earth and get away with their lies.  These men they lie, it’s all they know how to do, well little do they know they can’t kid a kidder.
. . .
I sat there as he stared at me.  This beautiful man I have never seen before.  The way his dark eyes moved from each individual in the room as if he were evaluating each and every one of them.  He finally stopped when he got to me, we locked eyes for a brief moment and he gathered himself up and came over to sit next to me at the bar.  “A man that takes charge,” I thought to myself, “I like that.” 
“A coke and jack please.”  He said as I watched him fiddle with his watch putting it perfectly in the middle of his  wrist. 
“A vodka soda?  That’s very original of you.”  He said to me with a smirk that drew me in more.  I couldn’t even get words out of my mouth, I was hypnotized. 
“Well when you decide to open your mouth and say something, here’s my number.”  He handed me a napkin with a number on it and I was astonished to see that his handwriting was perfect.  This man has no flaws.  I watched as he picked up his leather jacket and gave me a nod and walked out of the bar.  Am I in love?
. . .
He is perfect and I can finally say I’m madly in love.  After the whole bar fiasco where I stood there like a dumbstruck teenager seeing n*sync in concert for the first time I decided to grab ahold of this steed and call him.  He picked up on the first ring and said, “I wonder when I was going to hear from you.”  His name is Jason Trevett and I am obsessed.  The more I get to know about him the more I realize that he has no flaws.  My itch is crazier than ever, but it’s not to kill it’s to love and to love Jason.  We’ve only been dating two weeks but I’ve never felt this way about another person.  EVER.  Tonight is actually our two year anniversary and he’s set the plans for tonight and I’ve never been more excited.
. . .
“You’re exquisite.”  Jason said as he reached across the table to grab my hand.
“This restaurant is beautiful, wouldn’t want to spend our two week anniversary anywhere else.”  I said with the widest smile I think anyone could ever make.
“This isn’t even the good part, you’re going to have to wait for my surprise.”
The food came and the food went and it was finally time for us to leave. 
“Come on my love, I want to show you something,” he said as I followed him out the door.
I followed him around the corner and took a couple turns when we finally hit this dark empty rose garden.  I had never seen anything like it, or as many different shades of roses than in that one instant.  I walked around and past each section of color starting from yellow, than finally coming to white.  I turned around and said, “Jason, how did you know about this, it’s amazing.”
It was so dark I couldn’t even see him but I could feel that he was near when he said, “They’re mine.  All of them.  I started planting them six years ago and the collection just kept growing.  But as you can see I have stopped at the white.  The most pure and gentle of all the shades.  I needed a new muse and I have found it.  It’s you.  It’s you baby.  Nothing as pure and blessed should be by itself as well as these roses.”
Oh no. I stopped listening to him mid sentence and started running.  He was going to kill me.  I hit a dead end and was entrapped by white roses everywhere.  I could hear him breathing heavily so I knew he was near.  As I tried to squint and see where he was I was getting extremely dizzy and I was starting to fall.  I had to sit down.  I started to see splotches of all colors and felt myself lying down.  The last image I have was Jason smiling down at me saying, “Never kid a kidder my love.”