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Alone
My body felt numb. Perhaps from the running, or maybe the cold. Chills spread across my skin, causing my body to convulse. My muscles screamed in agony before finally relaxing. For several moments I sat, straining my tired eyes, searching for any glimmer of light. The blackness was suffocating; like heavy snow trapping me inside my own dark thoughts.
I was so cold. Slowly, I moved an invisible hand to my cheek. I sucked in a quick breath, breaking the defining silence, then pulled my icy fingers away. I blinked, and realized how exhausted I was. Nothing felt real anymore. If not for the frozen ground beneath me it would be like floating through empty space. And for a moment, I wondered if perhaps I was dead. Yet, the constant beat of my own heart, dull and quite, extinguished my question the way a flame is suffocated out.
Another set of shivers cascaded over me. Icy air filled my lungs. Suddenly, my awareness heightened, my heart beat increased, and I realized that hot blood was slowly pooling on my left collar bone. I imagined I had many cuts and bruises, which made the thought of daylight daunting. The frozen silence of night was unbearable, but at least it hid the true condition I was in. My head ached and I longed to sleep. However, sleep could not come. Not with the dark fantasies my own mind was creating. I closed my eyes and breathed; slowly, calmly. Despite my hopes, closing my eyes did nothing to suppress my unease. In fact, it made it worse. If only I could stop my mind from roaming. If only I could brush away that fog in which the monsters of imagination dwell, as if brushing the hair from one's eyes. Maybe then I could find rest. However, I could not. Flashes of light, images, and horrid thoughts danced behind my lidded eyes. With a sense of almost panic I opened them to gaze into the blackness around me. My dark thoughts replaced with a morbid, anxious curiosity about what the darkness might be hiding.
I sat still. For what seemed like hours I barely breathed. There in the blackness, surrounded by silence, I sat, waiting for the warmth of morning. I stared up at a starless, moonless sky, void of any light or dimension. Lost in my own thoughts. It’s strange how sometimes you can feel someone standing behind you, looking over your shoulder. How an outline can be seen in the darkness. How sometimes you hear a faint whisper or suddenly feel your skin crawl.
Then a sound.
A breath...a whisper...silence...
I listened, straining to hear anything over the rapid pounding of my heart. Fear swelled within my chest as leaves softly rustled somewhere in front of me. Another breath. More whispers, closer, louder. Then a figure. A faint outline that shifted and moved, making it hard to tell if it was real or not. This had to be the exhaustion, my tired mind playing tricks on me. I closed my eyes.
This isn’t real, I told myself.
I shuddered as warm, moist air filled my right ear. With it came an eerie whisper,
“Oh, but it is.”
Never had I wanted to be alone more than that moment in the darkness…
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