So how do people usually start this kind of thing? I've never really understood how a person can just straight up lay out their life for like hundreds of people in the span of only.. 5 paragraphs maybe? Man, I don't know if I can write all that in one go. Anyways, 5 paragraphs of life experiences is like.. how can you really remember all that while you're trying to think up a long word to replace the word, 'chair' so you sound like a pretentious jerk? Okay, now I'm really getting off the point of this whole thing now aren't I? Well, I guess I can start this out with a nice, " Hello, my name is Ben! " with a side of friendly jazz hands and something by The Beatles or The Who playing in the background.

At any rate, I was born on the 7th of July in 1985 when everyone wore shoulder pads and parachute pants. I still have no idea how parachute pants really took off? Like, look at them! No one looks good in parachute pants and I'll swear to that to my grave. Oh.. as I was saying, I'm 31 years old now and life couldn't be better! Everything is perfect! Mother doesn't even call me anymore since I've moved to my new home! Mother was always a bother. Running her mouth at me like she thinks she has the right. Disgusting. Putrid Mother. Oh yeah! I almost got off track; I moved to a new home in this great community about 6 months ago. 3 stories of beautifully laid brick with a little picket fence circling all around it. There's even a tennis court and a pool down the street from my house! Who couldn't ask for more! I sure am happy here and I couldn't imagine living somewhere else.

I live with my beautiful wife and our loving son and daughter. It's almost like we were plucked right out from a fairy tale! We're such a punctual family at our best of time. Always eating as a family every night right at 7:00 PM, to bed at 9:30 PM, and waking up bright and early at 7:30 AM. I love spending time with my family! Their smiling faces! Oh their smiling faces! They make my face split with joy! I love hearing them laughing and conversing! But, you know what really makes me happy? To watch as sleep takes over and dreams play out in their minds. It's such a rush! To watch as their faces morph and change as they either run from their worst nightmares or gain their most desired wishes! I wish I could experience their wishes with them right in the moment! Wouldn't that be amazing?

But, even with all these amazing things, my life does have some bumps in the road. Like Mother for instance. Cursing my name and ripping apart the living room almost every other day when we lived together. Her behavior was revolting. Stomach-churning even. I'm glad that she can't call anymore. The constant ring from the phone made me want to pull my nails out one by one. One bloodied and yellowed finger nail at a time; falling against the porcelain sink and clogging the drain just like a plug. But, I think an even worst part of my live is the consistent appearance of this man in my home. Why is he here? Why is he sitting at MY table and eating with MY family?! Doesn't he have his own family!? Why does he have to take up MY family's time!? I don't understand! I JUST DON'T GET IT! I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Oh. Uhh, sorry. I didn't mean to get out of hand there. Please forgive me. But, just the feeling of knowing that some stranger is sleeping near my sweet sweet wife makes me want to do something just naughty. So so naughty to that invading man. But, that's for another time I guess.

Wow. I just looked at the clock. Time really does fly when you're busy with something. And I didn't even get to the real reason I wanted to write this out for everyone. I hope I've been able to share a bit of my life to everyone of you and you can now understand that I'm not a bad person. How I live my life is anything and everything, but not true and just. I'm so happy and it's all because of my caring family. My family that has always been here for me and will always be right at my side at all times of the day. My affectionate and doting family. Anyways, I think we can trust each other enough now to let you in on something. But, you must promise to keep it a secret from my dear family. They can't know yet, but I know for a fact they must be missing me so much. Well I've held it off for a little while now, but I think it's time to tell you.

My name is Ben and I want to tell you a secret. I've lived in the walls of my home for all those 6 months since I've moved here. My family doesn't know yet, but I assure you they will. They most certainly will.