Struggles of Success

The rush of adrenaline running through my veins with my eyes locked on the destination. One girl charging towards me is no match for my quick juke as I brush past her left shoulder and am on my way to the goal. The sun tries to block my view, but my eyes are set on the goalie’s every move as I near shooting range. I am winding up and evaluating every possible open shot on the covered white net. The bottom right corner grabs my attention, so I go all in. The very next sound is the whistleblowingwhistle blowing confirming the goal. The loud cheering and pats on my back from my teammates make the moment really come to life. The two pairs of black socks I was wearing were not very complimentary with the blazing sun, but if it means victory then it is worth it. 

Flashback to two weeks prior. Tied game, the ball in my possession, and every last one of my teammates relying on me to save the day. Immense pressure is simply an understatement. I can remember the chilly breeze whipping past my bare legs giving them a numbing sensation as I ran down the field. One minute left in the game. The shortest 60 seconds of my life. Every possible outcome running through my head before there even was an outcome. All I can think of is failure: A missed shot here, a bad pass there, a loss of possession, etc. Flashback to reality, 45 seconds left on the clock. All a blur now, but a simple give and go is how I remember it. One quick pass to my teammate was returned in the blink of an eye. Next thing I know, I am squared up with only the goalie in the way of possibly the biggest moment of my career. Before I even get the chance to think about where to shoot, I am abruptly shoved in the back from what must be an opposing player. This means a penalty shot, me versus the goalie. Only 30 seconds remain, so this will determine the outcome of the game. Every noise in the background was a blur. I was mentally preparing myself, and then I hear my coach scream “rip it!”. I did just as my coach said and I watched the ball soar right between the goalie’s legs and into the back of the checkered white net. After that unbelievable moment, my body was being thrown in every different direction with girls jumping on me and cheering. I looked down at my black socks that lay against my flamboyant neon orange cleats and thought,  “the lucky black socks saved the day”.

Undoubtedly, the outside success does not nearly compare to the internal struggle. She is 5’6” with a slim, yet athletic frame. Long blonde hair surrounds her fair-skinned face that usually holds a smirk. She is the outgoing type of person that will always try to lighten the mood, but maybe this is for the sake of others. She puts others first and maybe it’s so she can escape her own mind. Her own mind that never ends. It’s like an open field where the only end is the horizon. Her mind is filled with stresses, pressures, and expectations. Stress from school, stress from the competition in extracurriculars, and stress from herself. Stress to relieve the neverending pressure caused by countless expectations.  Expectations to get certain grades, to score a certain amount of points, and to live up to someone else’s achievements. Life seems perfect on the outside, but this outside isn’t the only aspect of life. 

Nonetheless, the best feeling comes from the satisfaction of achieving a goal that caused the stress in the first place. It was May 29, 2019, when all of my hard work and stress was tested. I was sitting on a long gray pop-up table dressed in a red vinyl tablecloth. Silent conversations were mixed with the typical speech that the coach gives about how proud he is and how far the team has come. I wasn’t involved in any conversations with others, only myself. My mind was racing with thoughts. I was panicked and suddenly doubting all of the success I had throughout the season as I was thinking about the awards that were staring me in the eyes. “SEC Honorable Mention” and “Varsity Ms. Offense” they read. The awards I had been working towards for the entire season. Putting in 30 extra minutes at practice to improve myself enough, just enough to think that one day I could earn those awards. “Little sophomore Sarah has no chance at beating out these seniors who have been here for four years” was the persistent thought going through my mind. My coach dragged on the description of who the awards would be presented to. The excess time allowing me to second guess everything he was saying. “No that detail doesn’t apply to me” or “I never did that” was filling every gap in my mind. I got caught up in my own mind and I lost track of everything he was saying. The next thing I heard was my name, and my emotions were through the roof.  The overwhelming happiness with myself and my dedication. The proud feeling that motivates me to this day.

Believe it or not, one single place is associated with the combination of all of these emotions. When empty, it is one of the most calming things to see. The thick, long bright green grass decorated with white and yellow lines, lined by a short black wire fence. A very comforting place when the radiant sun shines down on the dewy grass and onto your skin giving your whole body a warm sensation. The faded sound of whistles in the background from surrounding fields all blends into the calm environment. When empty, it is very peaceful. But when it is game time, the place is in an uproar. A good kind of uproar, though. Support from the people who love to watch you play and are just as passionate about the game. Hectic at times, but a fun kind of chaos that enhances the game and the environment. The chaos makes my blood pump a little harder, my strides become a little longer, and my will and persistence go through the roof. The calm before the storm as I like to say. 

To conclude, the mix of stress and pressures all create a stern dedication that leads to my success. My stress is a result of a simple fear; the fear of failure and/or letting people, including myself, down. It seems like having success for a prolonged period of time causes this set expectation that drags you down and seems to make the future success less enjoyable. The most supportive people who want the most success for you always have the highest and most difficult expectations. In my case, at least. As mentioned prior, I have “the lucky black socks”. The socks are a simple superstition to hopefully enhance my game and avoid failure, if possible.  While that is all true, stress isn’t just fear. It is associated with the resulting joy and wanting prolonged joy and success. In the end, fears and stresses are inevitable and will always be there if success is a true goal. In my eyes, learning is the key to true happiness, so learning from patterns in life is what will lead to true understanding. Overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles helps lead to the true feeling of joy.