So all my life I grew up different from all the other little girls. Sure, I played house and played with dolls but I only did it because the other girls did and I thought it was different to want to draw and build with blocks and not want to play with the typical girl things. Well, later in life when I started to find interest in boys I didn't feel like how everyone else felt about their partners. I thought of them as just my best friend, but just to fit in I called them my boyfriend. Well, later in high school I met a girl. Let's call her Monkey. I really liked Monkey because she made me feel like I belonged somewhere. She liked to hang out with me not because of my body or the way I look, but because she really liked who I was. So I made a friend with Monkey. Well I began to develop feelings for Monkey later down the line of our friendship, unlike all the boys that I got closer with, I actually felt comfortable having feelings for her and it felt normal. Well Monkey and I got closer and both told each other how we felt, we both felt the same. So a couple more weeks go by and we started dating. We decided to not tell our parents knowing my mother wouldn't be ok with it so we kept it a secret. Well, that didn't work out to well because someone told my mother. Monkey's mother found out and was ok with it, even though Monkey and I have 2 1/2 years between us, Monkey's mother saw how happy it made us both and was happy for the both of us that we had found each other. My mother, on the other hand, was not ok with us being together and after 5 months we had to split because my mother didn't find it appropriate for Monkey and me to be in a relationship. Ever since then Monkey and I are still very close but I don't want to be just friends with her since I want to be her girlfriend. It is tearing me apart having to lie to my mother about how happy I am but I have to obey my mother's rules. I lied to her for 5 months about being with Monkey because I knew that she wouldn't see how happy I was with Monkey, but she would see the age difference and the fact that it was another girl and deem it not ok for us to be together. Now I feel like  cant tell my mother anything considering shes going to scream and yell at me because I have a different feeling than what she thinks and feels. Ever since the whole thing happened with Monkey, everything has changed with my mother. I didn't expect it to stay the same but I didn't expect it to turn out like this either. I just wish she would be happy for me instead of saying that I made her look like a fool by being with Monkey and not telling her. My mother always makes jokes about me lieing to her like I will find them funny and I never do because it hurts to even think about my side of the story anymore because I feel that it is no longer realivant. I'm just not sure what to do anymore because I feel like Im not my own person anymore, but a robot for her to control.