I have always been abhorring the math from the very moment when topics became overcomplicated. However , not only that had stimulated me to recant from this subject and turn up a blind eye on my lack skills , but one of the most unforgettable( in a negative way) situation.
The winter in my countryside has always been so severe and freezing , so children were able to find relevant excuses not to go to school, because of weather. Mountains were encrusted with lustrous snow droplets which was changing its hues under sun’s rays influence ; tourists who were babbling in an unfamiliar for me language have captivated our vast mountains with a crimson view above them , because ski resorts were one of the most popular holiday ; itineraries to school were not cleaned up at all , so children who did not travel by a school bus or their parents did not pick them up and drive to school were obliged to come on foot , thus nearly all o them had soggy boots , cheeks and noses which have become more redder than a beetroot , but not nearly as ablaze as my eyes were when I met her . Not so long ago , I knew in advanced that she will be my class teacher . At that time I was 10 years old , exactly speaking a girl with two ponytails which were tied with scratched or pitch-dark rubber band , vicarious teeth which were my blemish , glasses , as you may have guessed an impact from telephones has affected my poor eyesight .Another distinctive feature which was helped me to stand out from hoard of murky , emotionless and always rambling people - is my germants. As you might reckon that I was wearing the newest clothes , you would completely wrong. It was a red colour which was my raisin. Ardent , quite obscene and extremely appealing colour was my favourite , so my wardrobe was consisted only of this colour. Lastly , frivolousness was perceptible in a way I was behaving which was not extraordinary , because I was a child , on the other hand the vocation for learning foreign languages started awaking . Before my epiphany to become a linguist , I loved all of subjects . Some less , some more . Also , I was imbibing the math for a few years after one fateful and life-altering incident . ‘’It is not worth explaining anything to you . You will never understand .''
My Math reacher has relinquished from explaining one of the most vital topic in front of my whole class. The winter day did not warn me about anything , or better saying it was after winter or so -called winter , because bogs were scattered everyone . The atmosphere was quite derogatory and dreary. School breaks were as always short , however I was rushing to the nearest shop like the bet out of hell in order to acquire protractor, because we were about to learn how to measure angles by rope. Breathless , hair windswept, back of jeans was muddy and filthy . Although , eventually the hush in class has condescended and everyone was waiting for our class teacher . My memories about the beginning of this lesson are vague , but the main part I have been knowing by heart for 5 years . Children were biting their nails while she was approaching and showing them how to use this device properly . She was rectifying their mistakes without any seconds-guessing . Next to some desks she was lingering for more 5 or so minutes , because not everyone was able to be on the ball . On the contrary to my peers , I was always fascinated by challenging tasks and never scared of difficulties . At that time , I was sitting in the second row , first or second desk . The prime time was ticking , time was passing , queue was shrinking and yes she was a few feet from my desk . What a relief it was to be sure that you are to learn something new , broaden an eyesight , become more sufficient in that and just simply realisation that impediments will not occur , because my dear teacher( as she was frequently saying , that she is our second mother ) was going to teach me everything. No matter how enticing it sounded , but all of my hopes were dashed. She passed me, without making an eye contact , simultaneously utering these obnoxious and clammy words ‘’ It is not worth explaining anything to you. You will never understand ‘’ Ohh, I forgot , she had also put her hands in surrender , presumably in order to protect herself . If you know how my lungs, checks , face , nose , goddam every single part of my body was aflame with exasperation, oppression and angst .How did she dare to humiliate me in front of everyone ? My class was consisted of 26 children ; 25 have mastered this topic and still know to use it; 1 is a black sheep, brainless and always ramping how she is loading math . Oh , not only did furious emotions have prevailed me , but also another quite riveting thing . Vengeance .
Frequently , we are mislead by the exact definition of this word. People and the whole world tend to think that vengeance is the most lurid deed which humanity was ever able to make . Also, some crimes are accompanied by the motive of ‘’making a retribution’’ and the splash and fuss are made because of how dare someone to kill a person on account of vengeance . Unacceptable. In more mild cases , such as broken couples , friends who have slipped up , humiliated or bullied children , child traumas are also carrying the sense of it. However , from an early childhood our parents have always ascribed it to bad people who did not a heart at all. In other words , spitefulness and unkindness , but has someone ever considered about the roots of this? Why this person has been bearing a grudge for so long , in order to do what ? Quench a thirst ? Prove something ? I don’t know . But I do know the pain which is carried by that . This pain cannot be describes by using words , because it is inner and infallible , evocative and healing , controllable and uncontrollable , mate and foe , long and short , infinite. It is able to be forgotten, pain will be less painful , but memories will always be with you . Whether you are absent-minded person ,it does not matter at all . Whether your memories will be vague , but they will be with you . Escorting everywhere . The most minuscule trifle of it can trigger your memory to an unbelievable extent . These features are making it more distinctive .
Pain , pain , anguish , suffering sound so overcast . As was mentioned above , the impact will be decreasing day after day , however have we talked about mental perception ? The desire for giving this person taste his or her own medicine ? Unbearable . If judging on my own experience , I was feeling a craving for cussing , offending , disrespecting and disdaining my teacher for more than 4 years . This year is not an exclusions , but I have made shifts in my life , so I do not care about her anymore , anyway during 4 years I was dreaming about making a revelation about my true feelings toward her . I was imagining how after my graduation I will be sending her on the longest text( it would break the record ) about my suffering , reasons why I did not study the math and consequences which she had pushed in my life . Consequences were numerous altercations with my grandparents and parents , bad school grades and thoughts about suicide, because of single person . Is it so relevant to make your life bitter , because you cannot release an old grudge ? My answer ; it depends;) However , I would rather rearticulate my minds and say that ,; it is not worth .
Do not commence saying , that how painful it is and how vehemently you want to show this person how you were suffering . On the contrary , start mulling over from another perspective . If I had releases this pain and moved on , what colours would have been brought up in my life? I am certain of this fact , that your life would be replenishing with new discovered treasures , you would find the person who will be able to heal all of your inner and superficial wounds , you would open up new opportunities for you and live your top notch life . Or if you hadn’t forgiven this person , what colours would have been brought up in your life? Presumably , if you are still overzealous over lofty plans and insights how to make a retribution , your life is not evolving at all. Your days are lousy , aren’t they ? Unflappable personality which you are caring now is refraining others from consolidating with you . Quotidian notebook which have seen your tears , exasperation and attempts to rupture all of pages which describe how appalling your life has become after one situation . Is it true or not? Does it seem so pleasant and desirable for you ? What a tremendous effort you are making in order to speak up everything to this person , while he/she does nor care at all. From time to time we must overcome our adamant determination and bury the hatchet .
Not in all cases;)