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If Only
Sometimes, I want to run away from my fears. I just want them to dissapear from me. But i can't let them go. I just can't. The scars run to deep to be washed away. I worry about who will hurt me. Who will call me names from class to class. I am to helppless to find a way out. I could change my name and cut my hair, but that will never work. I will still be renderd helppless by all the bully's. I must be strong though, no matter what they do. I must will on not letting them get to me. Even if i am scared, even if they make fun, i shall put on my brave face and walked tall and pround.
My heart beats loud in my throat. When a guy sticks his foot out in front on me. I fall hard with all my books scattering every where. My palms hurt from the impact but i do not show pain or anger for it shall please them. I pick up all my books and and push my self up. I do not give a side ways glance to the boy for it will only make my angryier. I go in to my next class. The last class full of nerds just like me. We have math talents here. But yet bully's still exsits here. The people who think they are better than every one else. They make fun of people's names and looks. I frown in disgust at them. If they place themselves beyond everyone else than they will be hated.
I unpack my math homework and put it neatly on my desk. When the guy behind me start's tapping on my chair and kicking my back pack. I just ingnore it. This wasn't as bad as last hour. The guy next to me said i was boring and didn't know how to live. I worked hard to push the memory away. But it wouldn't budge. I felt like i was going to cry. Why was it always the guys it seemed to me. Like in fifth grade when this guy was spraying me with war head spray on the bus. Then sprayed me in the eyes. I shuddered. This experience was awful.
The teacher finished her lexure as soon as the bell rang. I sighed in relief. I walked out of the room to the bus where i usually sit in third to last row all by myself. Nobody would sit with me. Even if the bus was full. They would just ask some one to scoot over and do three to a seat. This made my heart hurt. I was never going to be excepted. Even if they didnn't mean to hurt my feelings it still did. They were being bully's unintentionally.
When i got home i went into me neat room. Everything was spottless. I like me composure crumple and let out i miffled sob. I was weak and holding all my emotions in is tearing me apart from the inside out. If only some one could stop the hurting. If only some one could help me stand up to them. But i always stand only. If only...
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