I know that people have been saying that the climate in this country is changing. And I get it; I’m not happy about it either. I agree that something needs to be done. But whenever I complain about the shifting climate making everything colder, someone has to tell me to buy a space heater. It’s so annoying. Don’t they see that buying a space heater isn’t going to make the country any warmer? If I buy one space heater, it isn’t going to change the country. 

It’s just so pointless. Of course, they all tell me that the only way the country will change is if everyone goes out and puts up their own space heater: one per person every year and suddenly parks and public places are going to be magically warm. What they don’t understand is that some space heaters really suck. Every time I go to the appliance store to buy one, I am confronted with bad options. Why would I want any of them in my home or workplace? But, of course, my friends always tell me that putting up a space heater—even a bad one—is better than none at all. 

I think it’s great that they feel that way. So let them all go out on Space Heater Buying Day every year and put up a new one, get their little “I Made a Cold World Warmer” sticker. But I say, leave it to them. Me putting up one space heater isn’t going to do anything in the grand scheme of things. There are so many people who are trying to change things and then there are, of course, so many who like the cold and try to destroy the space heaters. With all of this fighting going on, why would I even try? I think the entire system is broken. 

Sure, they all act like their space heaters are doing so much. But take out one of the space heaters in the entire park and the park is the same temperature. And I don’t want any of those space heaters anyway! I say that I’ll buy one when there’s actually a good option. 

I guess that isn’t the only thing that’s holding me back. Sometimes, I think about going to the space heater store and realize that I don’t have any way of getting there. And it’s only one day of the year! I can’t take off of work to go buy a stupid space heater when the world will still be cold the next day. It’s not like my one purchase would be making any real change, anyway. And I really need the money that I would be making those few hours at my job. 

My friends have tried to convince me that there are other ways to buy a space heater than going to the store on Space Heater Day. I know my friend Rachel gets hers shipped to her in advance so she can figure out where all the parts go before she has to put it up outside on Space Heater Day. But that doesn’t work for me. See, they’ll only mail you a space heater if you have a street address and all I have is a PO box. So, like I have asked Rachel, how am I supposed to get my space heater then? I can’t take time off of work, I can’t have it mailed to me pre-assembled, and even if I didn’t have work I couldn’t make it to the department store.

Sometimes, the department stores on Space Heater Day also require special forms of identification. Apparently, you have to have a “Space Heater Registration Card.” And you have to be on the list to buy one weeks in advance. I know that for centuries people have been fighting for our Space Heater rights, doing things like boycotting jackets so we would have no alternative until the appliance stores finally relented and let us all buy them on one day of the year. But those people are just passionate in a way that I’m not. And maybe buying space heaters made a difference in their day, but things are just too cold now for my one to make a change. 

Overall, I just don’t see why everyone is so obsessed with this. It’s not going to matter anyway and I don’t particularly have any interest in it. Sure, I’m cold and I’m not going to stop complaining, but I just really think that all of the people that are so excited about space heaters can do all the hard work. When it comes down to it, I just don’t have the time or the means to go out on Space Heater Buying Day and try to “make the world more like I want it.”