Ever since i was young ive always wanted to do something for a purpose,ive wanted to inspire others and become well known for something memorable,I wanted to preach life and be someone important,but at the age of 14 now,I know I will never inspire anyone to do something 'right'. Ive never met my father,as far as I know he left my mum before i was born. This has always made me feel worthless. Life growing up was hard,it still is.
I was born into a family of 5,Im the second oldest. Me my Mum and siblings moved about alot, we never stayed in one place than more than a year.
At the age of 4 my mother had met a guy from the UK,(we were living in America at the time). My Mum married him a year later,I liked him at first. But then he changed,he used to hit me my brother and my older sister. My mother could do nothing. A few years later my mother had 2 children. We were now a 5.
At the age of 7 my step dad convinced my mum to move to Northern Ireland (A place full of hate and sectarianism). The first day we moved there there was riots.
A few years went by and after years of watching my mother get abused and years of moving my mother finally left my step dad. My little sisters lived with him most of the time. At primary school i was bullied and attempted to commit suicide many times. I had no real friends from age 7-11. I experimented with smoking at the age of 10,my mum was'nt so happy when she found out. My older sister hit me alot,she once burned me with a pot for literlly no reason. I felt sorry for my little brother,he was so Innocent.
Throught primary school i had to look after my little sisters most of the time while my mum slept, so i was'nt in school alot. The school got suspicious and sent social workers around to my house. This is probably the worst thing to happen in my life.
The social workers visited us many times monitoring us to make sure we werent in any danger and to see if we were being looked after properly. We were looked after properly,well atleast i thought..
We moved house about 4 times between my ages of 7-11. Somebody through bricks through one of our houses so we had to live in a hostel. We lived there for a year,then we moved to a place i hated at first. I was now in high school. This was the point where my sister really bullied me and hurt me more than a older sister should. This was the last house I lived in with My mother and family. My mother became addicted to heroine,brought on by such a horrible childhood and unable to cope with the present. One day I came back from school and my mother was crying,she had said a social worker was gonna take us away and put us into care. I was 12 at the time. My brother was taken to the counrtyside to a new family,whilst me and my oldersister where moved to a 'ruff' estate. We where alowed to see our real family once a week for an hour,imagine that,only one hour. My older sister started to become even more of a wild child,and moved into a care home a year later. Then another home,then another, and then another.
My new family were nice most of the time,but my foster mum's 31 year old daughter was my biggest hate. She was a cold horrible woman, a came home from 6 hours of school once exhausted and she made me scrub the bathroom floor. She was full of lies and everything had to be about her, I attempted suicide again the second year of living there,Have'n taken 24 of 3 different types of tablets with alcohol. I did'nt go to the hospital,infact i nearly died. I saw a bright light a few times which i suspected was one my heart stopped beating. I did'nt tell anyone about my overdose,but like im writing this,when I get angry I write stuff down. And i wrote a note about my overdose,they found it and asked the questioen everyone usually ask's 'Why?'. Well why not? At the time it felt right to do,but after i knew i made a mistake. Things got a bit better after this,But i started expeirimenting again. This time with drugs. Cannabis. After an angry night i got my mobile tooken off me, My 'parents' found texts about me taking drugs. They searched my room. Found the drugs,found out my bestfriend sold me the drugs. And told me to never go near her again. Now I had nothing,and only at this time ive felt free. I'm now 14,I moved with a different family and now live with my older sister again who is now. no longer a bully. I havent seen my mum in ages, she never comes to contact. I still see my brother and my little sisters about once a week. Iam best friends again with the girl that sold me drugs,no-one can know. She means the world to me. I cry myself to sleep now and again and Im just out of a hard relationship. And still I have to say to myself everyday,Im one of the 'lucky' people in life. People have life much worse. And another thing,cherish your freedom,because its something I wont have for a long time.