Dear Erin,


As your friend I can no longer stand by and be immobilized by my own personal fears. You deserve better, far better then the shoddy dishonesty I’ve so candidly laid to cloud your vision. Far better for me to be true to myself, to tell you how I feel, and face the consequences that lay therein, then sit idly by and slowly be ripped apart by my own dismay.

I tried desperately to avoid being around you. To deny myself and save you the grievance of discord, however, the defenses that I had so carefully constructed have finally ebbed away entirely, and now I am nothing. All those times I looked away are only marked to me now as missed opportunities, seeing as I foolishly thought that ignorance would save me from myself. I failed. You have every right to hate me for this, but sadly it doesn’t, cannot change a thing. No matter what any of us want, it does exist, my feelings exist, and they will not go away.

I love you. I can’t understand how or why I do, but I do. Of course you are beautiful, gracious, intelligent, and serine, but I do not think even that is why I love you. Beyond that, who you are deep down inside, your thoughts and concerns, your opinions, fears, THAT is what I love. Your soul, or at least what I could see of it with my limited vision, drew me to you, and I was encompassed, engulfed in waves upon waves of powerful emotion. Everything I was shuddered, crumbled, and degraded into nothingness.

I cannot express with my pathetic words how much you have come to mean to me, but I can say this. I’m always, ALWAYS here for you, no matter what. No matter how you feel, even if you cannot ever love me, I’m here. You can break my heart, toy with my mind, leave me for dead, but I’ll still forever love you. End me as you will, my love for you will never die. It’s a burning flame embalmed in my soul, forever burning as our time comes and ends. For whatever reason, I have fallen in love with you.

As your friend, I hope you can believe me when I say these things, when I lay myself before you, if you have any love in your heart for me, to understand. Understand that there is nothing on this world I would not do for you, for whatever the cost may be. That my feelings transcend pettiness or error of judgment. All things, all things I see can never hold a candle to your brilliance, I’m awed by you, but I can still see you. I still understand you, hoping you can see through my meager luster to find something you can love.

So I’ve taken your advice, I’ve been honest with the one I love, hoping and praying I have not made a grievous error in telling you. Please, if anything, forgive me for my failures, see me for who I am, and perhaps you can find a place in your heart to love me. If not, I understand completely.

Love,
Matt