Being a second child …..My real background life


In school you might see me as this guy, my friends would say a perfect person who always gets A plus’s, which is not entirely true. The real side of my life is this mourning, stressful person who always becomes skeptical about myself. My background is, I am a lunatic. I am a second child who’s a big disappointment to my family. My mother always yearned a kid, now she has. When she had my sister, she thought she was the most precious thing ever, but when she had me I think she didn’t care for me. I feel she was sad all the time. When my sister went to school, she have always outshined me then. In my eyes, I think of myself as average D student. I never once have beaten my sister. She has beaten me in academics and even opening presents, having to be perfect. My sister always have to be my moms little angel. Every time when my sister come home my mom would rush up and give her a hug and leave everything alone. While I stare and wish I had what my sister had, warmth and love like somebody who really cares about you, they will leave everything. That would be my mother caring for my sister. When I go to school and come back to school and I have no hug like my sister but a word “ Hi”.


Starting in school I have been a terrible student, I have never in elementary school think of it important, I just think of it a place to make friends. Almost everything I got from tests and quizzes, I got a 80% the most. My sister have outshined me. I always hear people think of me as a disgrace, they would say things like “that’s a useless boy who shouldn’t have born,” or even worst. All those words have been engrained in my brain since now. I think my mom still think as me as not being not good enough. I think my parents even regret having me as a son that’s why they have to get divorced. When they go to court, nobody will want me as a relative, even my mom might not want me as a son because of my actions in the past.


Whenever my mom want to boast about there children, she always said how great and sweet she is by having so many awards. But for me she only said that’s my son, nothing else. I think I wasn’t even surprised if she didn’t mention or say I was her son. That was the heartbreaking words I have lived with all these years. Those words have motivate me till now, to be better then everybody else. I never can think of myself as being in the top level because I haven’t forgotten those words engrained in my head. That’s why I never feel like the compliments people give me is making me happy because you don’t know my true life all these years. I am not a perfectionist or a perfect person.