You know what? My hands are ugly. Really. It’s not like I’m being shallow or self-conscious or insecure, I’m just being honest. And it isn’t simply MY hands that are hideous. It’s everyone’s. If we truly examine our neglected hands, we see that they just don’t measure up to the standards of beauty we hold in today’s day and age.

Firstly, wrinkles. Our hands are excessively wrinkled. For one, check out our knuckles. They’re a compressed field of engraved lines. Flip one’s hand around, and we see lines on our palm, lines on our fingers, lines everywhere. Small lines, huge lines, thick, thin, straight, curved, all going this way and that. There’s not even a cohesive order or pattern to these lines. Wrinkle cream for the face? I need something to smooth over the scales on the back of my hand! I mean, even babies have wrinkly hands! So? Where’s the silicon-infused potion for our prematurely aged hands? And don’t even get me started on the sagging in between the fingers. It’s, frankly, disgusting.

Second, inconsistency. We have bumps everywhere. Again, inspect those joints. They just protrude out, basically, like hand tumors. That’s it. Hand tumors. And nothing’s being done about it. Also, check out the complexion of one’s hand. At first glance, it seems a basic, solid color. But at a more detailed examination? There’s this purple-red splotchy monstrosity all over our poor hands. We need concealer. Or mousse. Anything to give our hands a flawless finish. Must we continue to live in shame with our uneven hands when a creamy foundation for hands could be easily produced?

Last, but not least, is the shape of our hands. Whose idea was it to make them so obscenely shaped? I mean, our fingers aren’t even the same length, nor are they symmetrically arranged. And hands just don’t look graceful with the fingers seperated the way they are. Sure, at a distance they can look somewhat lovely, but up close? How can that indescribable shape not look awkward? No curves or height or unity. Why aren’t there any surgeons existing that are willing to perform reconstructive surgery on our hands to make them more appealing? One merely needs to attach the fingers together, cut away the awkwardly jutting thump and form it into a more desirable shape. Personally, I’d prefer an hourglass type hand. Imagine the beauty of such a shape to finish off my arm!

In short, I strongly believe our society needs to have a more structured and developed hand cosmetic industry. The infrastructure we have in place at the moment is simply inadequate for providing our hands with the care they need. Please, spread the awareness of our mutilation. Maybe, just maybe, our problem will be solved one day, and humankind will go forth as more confident, beautiful and perfect species. For now, we have gloves to cover our disgraceful deformities.