I figured it out for myself. All those “road trips” my parents took. All those little orange bottles on the counter. Seeing special doctors. I was young, not stupid.


Hearing my mom say, “he only has a couple months left”, only proved that I was right. But I didn’t want to be. I broke down. That’s when he came in. “I didn’t want to tell them.” My father’s voice gruff, as he tried not to cry, unsuccessfully.

“It’ll be alright” He said. How? With my sisters, my mother, and my deathly ill father, I knew it wouldn’t be alright, but we would have to make do.


Slowly, day by day, he stopped coming, to pick me up from school, to my hockey games, to the grocery store, to the living room. i watch my father, the one let me drive our boat less then 6 months ago, lose his hair, lose weight, lose his mind. I could tell, he hated that he couldn't get up to go to the bathroom by himself, couldn't come down the stairs, couldn't lift himself enough for a proper hug. I watch him turn from an amazing man who put his all into living for his daughters, to man who could barely even keep his eyes open to watch the video tape of my karate class that he didn’t even know I was taking. I watch my baby sister stop going in to see him, I slowly stopped too. That’s my biggest regret that I didn’t stay by his side. It was too painful, and now I regret it. I know realise that I screwed up, and I’ll never get that second chance. I can’t even reminder what I said to him that last night. I can’t even remember I told him I loved him.

Waking up that morning, after hearing the words “only days left”, was awful. I knew right away. For the first time in months I heard nothing. Not the sounds of my mother talking, or the sound of kitchen cabinets opening and closing, not even the sound of my uncles, aunts, cousins, grandma talking. All I heard was a whisper; in my baby sisters room. And then the most painful sound I had ever heard a single cry. I heard all the anguish that was built up in me in that single cry. And I knew my father’s pain was over, but mine had just begun.

I love you, Dad. You will always be the strongest man in my eyes. Despite skin cancer and a brain tumour, you fought on an don, and I love you for staying with us that long. Thank you, Daddy, I love you.