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Three Things I Should Have Learned By Now
Do not fall in love with the boy whose heart is empty because he gives a little piece of himself to anyone who will give him a second glance. You can love him all you want but at the end of the day you will give him your heart and he will use it to fill the gaping hole in his chest. You’ll love him with everything you’ve got until you’ve got nothing left, and you’ll love him even then. You’ll furnish the newly emptied room in your chest with what-ifs and should-have-beens. You’ll drink down his attention like water but soon even that takes on a bitter taste. Eventually you’re choking down the sound of his name on your lips like a pill swallowed dry, and he’s handing out pieces of a heart that once belonged to you.
Being happy isn’t always about endless smiles and laughing as you dance through a field of flowers, it isn’t always running through the streets with your arms outstretched and the winds blowing through your hair. Happiness isn’t always about cloudless skies and warm sunbeams and dandelion dreams. Happiness isn’t always about being happy. Sometimes being happy is looking in the mirror and resisting the urge to turn away, sometimes it’s about loving yourself and the world even when you can barely see past all the flaws. Sometimes happiness is tear-soaked eyes and mascara stained cheeks and being the one to pick yourself up when you’re down. Sometimes happiness is about standing at the edge of a cliff and seeing only beauty rather than a means of escape. Happiness is realizing that it’s okay not to be okay, but at least you still know how to be.
Stop apologizing. Do not be sorry. Do not apologize just for being yourself because you have not done anything which requires forgiveness. Do not be sorry for finding happiness in the things you do or for embracing your own quirks and imperfections. You should not feel the need to apologize every time your actions impact the world in even the slightest of ways. Or for voicing your opinion or asserting your own needs. There is no harm in doing what is right for you. Do not let anyone make you feel bad for living your own life. Only be sorry for those who can not accept you the way you are. Be sorry that they are missing out on the chance to know and to love someone as wonderful as you.
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