My earliest memory is the face of that gentle old man looking up at me and smiling. My grandpa, that’s what I called him. The smell of his gentle welcome smells, like a good day. The warmth of his hug was like bubble wrap that made me feel safe. The closeness of his heart beat was like a silent whisper in my ear. Hearing him snore was the best memory; it sounded like a peace full dove soaring through the wind. His attitude tasted like kool-aid with too much sugar. The visual picture still stays in my head as we walk on a windy day. The feeling of his hands while holding them felt like shields that would always protect me. The loving smile that he had on his face was like an angel flying through the sky. The day he passed away all those wonderful memories came back to me. All those memories I will miss. My soul is broken like a baby bird that can’t fly. My heart is burning like fire with too much flame. I could see him wanting me by the look in his eyes.
As I lay by your side running the dirt through my fingers like flour before you make a cake, I knew something was wrong. The tears falling making the dirt into mud, like on a stormy day. The tears stop as I feel a cold whisper in my ear. I rub my eyes so I can see better as I shout out, ‘’Grandpa are you there? Speak to me. Are you’’? No reply as I gave up hope. I heard the soaring whisper again. I looked up terrified as if I saw a monster in my closet as when I was six. ‘’Grandpa, I know you’re there if you can’t speak to me then listen. I need you I am scared. I feel empty like a child that did not get what they wanted for Christmas. Well if your there I guess this is good bye’’. As my eyes fill up with tears like a cloud before it rains. I feel my soul about to vacate as I wave good bye, feeling the cold wind running through my fingers. Walking back to the truck I fell free like a baby bird beginning to fly. Riding in the back of the truck at night makes me feel empty like my stomach when it’s hungry. It all turns around when I look; up and see that the night time shimmering like curtains of colors hanging from the sky. So of course the memories of him will always last. As I walk into my room and feel part of me is missing; as if I forgot my homework. Something was missing my grandfather. The one who loves me unconditionally. As I lay in my bed feeling hopeless. Than a sudden shock comes buzzing through my body. I ran outside and notice that the air is so crisp and clear. ‘’Was it like that before’’? I said to myself. “Is this how it supposed to be? I different color’’? I feel angry like a kid that got their toy taken away. Why? Is it because I feel lonely and lost as if I was blind? That’s how I feel. All those years I was blind know I see. I see because I am hurt, I see because I am lost I see because I ache. I see because I was impacted of the loss of his love. The best thing about him leaving me is I know he will be calling my name at the pearly gates. I close my eyes because I know you’ll be in my dreams tonight. That night I went to sleep and had a dream. In that dream my grandpa said, “I will wait for you at Heaven’s gates. I don’t care how long it takes.” I know as surely as the sun rises, he will come to me. I will always remember the face of that gentle man.