Why did you do it? Did it make you feel powerful? Was it filling a void that you couldn’t fill yourself? Or maybe it was just because you just didn’t hear me when I was telling you to stop or leave me alone. Maybe you didn’t feel me pushing against you to get you off of me. When I realized you couldn’t hear me or just chose not to, I kept hiding my face and turning away from you so you couldn’t kiss me anymore. I guess you didn’t know what that meant either because it clearly didn’t stop you. Whichever one it way, temporary deafness, having no nerves to feel me pushing against you, you broke me more that night. You broke me more than I already was. You hurt me more that night than I ever thought I could be hurt. And somehow you, your little ‘event’, still affect me today. I still haven’t been able to overcome what happened, probably because I don’t remember 99% of it. All I remember was not wanting you near me, or touching me or even being able to look at me. You took something from me that night. I can’t trust the people I want to trust the most but I trust all the people that I shouldn’t. You took the love I had for myself that night. Yes I love myself now, but not as much as I used to or as much as I could. I hated myself for so long thinking I let you do that to me. Blaming myself for blacking out and going along with whatever the heck it was that you were doing to me. And I still hate myself because now I am prepared for anything when I leave my house but I wasn’t then. I didn’t think that would ever happen to me. Being molested twice. I never would’ve thought it happening once would happen but twice? I was vulnerable and you took advantage of that. I wasn’t even 16 years old. I didn’t even have my first kiss until you. Until you kept grabbing me, my body, my face kissing me over and over again until I blacked out and kissed you back. I wish I could remember what happened that night.