My mother always told me to work hard, follow my heart, have faith in God, and all my dreams would come true. Too bad the only thing I had ever wanted would never happen. No matter how hard I tried.

At school I was known as an overweight girl with a nose unproportional to my face and frizzy red hair. I was Big Red. During lunch, I sat peeking through the top of my novel, watching all the beauties. How lucky they were, with their long legs, silky smooth hair, and their perfectly shaped lips, red as cherries. They just sat there while these gorgeous boys flocked among them, with their jaws dragging on the floor as they praised these beautiful girls. Oh, how I wished I were one of them. How I wished that for once I could be noticed without being pushed or made fun of. That someone would know me for who I truly was and not shout out, “Move Big Red, you’re blocking the hallway.”

Thankfully, at the time, I had a passion that helped me ignore what I looked like in the eyes of the world. It was my notebook, which always saved me when I felt I couldn’t go on any longer. I didn’t go anywhere without it. I was a writer and a good one too. I could write about anything. My imagination had no limits and one day I would become the greatest writer that ever lived. I knew that was one dream that would come true because no one could take that away from me. I was positive and if I ever had a little doubt, Sean was always there to reassure me. He was my best friend, my only friend. He was the only person that made me feel good about who I was, but being a stubborn teenage girl, I didn’t realize how important one person may be. Not until years later did I see this.

It was April 26, 2007, my seventeenth birthday when everything began to change. I closed my eyes wishing Big Red would disappear, thinking I would do absolutely anything to become the beautiful image I always dreamt of. And then a slow warm breath left my lips making all seventeen flames cease one by one. The night came to an end and as everyone lay asleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about my one wish. I was overcome with a great depression because I didn’t understand why God had punished me this way, why I could not be like the other girls. My eyes were sad, my writing was angry, my life was falling apart, and no one, not even Sean, was able to help me. I needed to get out, so I walked to the park on Maple Street five blocks from my house.

It was about 3:30 AM that I caught a glimpse of an angel, at least that’s what I thought. She was the most beautiful woman; all I ever dreamt of being. She approached me. My thoughts were flying through my mind so fast I could barely comprehend what I was thinking. Who was she? How could I be like her? Was it possible? Could I?
“You have a wish,” she whispered, “and I can make it come true.”
“How?” I exclaimed. “Tell me please. I am willing to do anything.”
“Then you have already accomplished the first step, because after you take the oath, your life will change forever. Your wish will come true, but know that there is no return,” she warned me.
“I have no desire to ever return.”

So I took the oath and the woman vanished. I wasn’t sure what I had agreed to, but it seemed that my wish was finally going to come true.

The next morning I awoke exhausted from the night before. My mind was blurry, not knowing if the night event was a dream or an actual occurrence. I went to the bathroom to clean my face, but when I looked in the mirror I almost didn’t recognize my reflection. My hair had bounce, it was full and plump, and now flew behind me as I walked. I no longer had to face down as I walked because my nose was now soft and petite helping define my cheeks. My lips were perfect. I now had cherry filled lips. I could not believe it.

That morning when I walked in to school, I was confident and beautiful. Girls wanted to be my friends. Boys surrounded me in awe. I was no longer Big Red.

For the first time ever I did not sit with Sean at lunch, I didn’t even have a chance to eat because everyone wanted to be around me. For the first time ever, I forgot my notebook because for once I did not need its support. For the first time ever, I was beautiful in all eyes. My wish had come true.

When I got home that day I thought my family would be surprised by my new physical appearance, but no one said anything. Everyone went about as usual. An hour after I got home, I was reapplying my make-up when the doorbell rang. It was Sean, wondering where I had been at school that day.

“Sean, don’t you notice anything different?” I urged.

“Did you get a haircut?” He said in confusion, “It looks nice.”

I ignored the fact he did not notice much change either and I lied to him. I told him I felt sick that morning, so I stayed home from school. The lying didn’t stop there. I knew it was not right but I could not stop. The more beautiful I became the more popular I became. The more popular I became the less I saw Sean and the less I spent time with my family. I no longer had time to write. My notebooks were left buried under my bed.

I began to party a lot. I began to date a lot. I felt as if there was not enough time to date all the boys. The boys could not resist my beauty. I lost interest in school and gained interest elsewhere. I sought excitement and I commenced to try new things. Everything and anything I could get my hands on. Life was crazy, fun, and exciting.

Sean was sad and worried about me. He wrote me a letter telling he missed me, that he was scared for me, and that he didn’t understand how I changed so much. He told me that he missed my writings and that he wanted to see me. I didn’t care and I tossed it under my bed along with my past. Letter after letter, I tossed and I tossed. I didn’t even read them anymore. He was my past. I continued to party and I continued to date. I thought I was having the time of my life.

One night Sean drove by a party I was at and he decided to come in. There I was completely gone, as boy after boy tried to take advantage of me. Sean grabbed me and took me home. The next morning when he called to see how I was feeling, I asked what he thought he was doing at that party. I told him he did not belong and he should have left me there because I was fine.

“I don’t know who you are anymore. I loved you more than anything. You were my life and I loved you for who you truly were. I had faith in you and I believed you were going to be the greatest writer in the world. You were gorgeous; there was no girl that could live up to your beauty. But you have become a mean ugly person. Those people know nothing about you, they are not true friends and you will see that. I tried and I tried, but I am done. Goodbye,” Sean responded.

That in fact was the last time we spoke. As I retell this, tears flood my eyes. I sit and think about every date I ever went on and realize they were all pointless. I never got to know any of them and they never tried to get to know me. I had become conceited and selfish. I forgot who I truly was, and then it came to me. The person I have loved was always there. The only person that loved me for me, Sean. Everything that was beautiful about me had faded away. I remembered when neither my family nor Sean had seen my physical changes because they saw me for who I was and loved me anyways.

The night of April 26, 2007, I saw no angel just a devil like figure who flashed in and out of my life as fast as lightning. Tricking me into taking my soul, my everything. I could not believe I had been so foolish.

It is to this day, years and years later, that I am still in love with Sean and that he has not forgiven me. I do not have one friend and I have a weak relationship with my family. My writing is lost under my bed and forever will be, because with everything else my inspiration is gone.

To every girl everywhere, love yourself for who you are because there is nothing more beautiful and you are perfect.