Death

Why is my mom crying, I was lost and confused. I step into the car, she tells me my father is dead. This is not happing I thought. Yes it is. I cant live my life without him. Well you have to. Why did this have to happen. Because life is never certain. Tears running down my face like a mass waterfall. Uncontrollable and deep horrifying emotions took over my body. Why did this have to happen to him, why not someone else who did bad things. How would my family be able to survive without him, my mom could not do it all alone. I would never be able to be tucked in at night from him and for him to sing to me until I feel asleep, never would I have this inch of relief after a day at school, before I close my eyes for another nights rest. My father was an amazing person who did not deserve this, I did not deserve this! I was six how much more wrong could I have done to do this. It was my fault, I told him I hated him last week, now he is gone. The hurt and guilt will always fill my body, aching for redemption. No one would ever understand my pain! Why do I need to talk to someone, I don’t! No one gets me, or my feelings, why should I talk to them, cry to them. I got home, slammed the door and punched my bed. My father was taken away from me and now I am only left with my emotions limp, weak, and suffering. I just needed to scream loud, release the pain I was feeling. Walking around feeling isolated, no one knew my pain, everyone was happy and had stable family’s. I was a broken piece of the puzzle, taken out of the fit world. I didn’t have a dad, and they all did. I saw fathers holding there daughters and I didn’t have that anymore. When I grew old and got married, I would not have my father their to walk me down the aisle in my wedding. My children would not have a grandpa to spoil them the way I did. I would be forever lost with out my father. I had great jealousy and lust of the girls around, they got have someone like a big, muscular, father to have, hold, and protect them. Some people are weak, some strong either could take its toll from this tragic event in my life. Only time would tell which path I was soon to fall under. Would I let the dark, weak, rough, and sad times take over my body and consume my soul. Or would I let the happiness of the rest of my life ahead take control and make best with what I have? Only time will mend my broken heart.