Dear Dadi, (grandma in Hindi)

I know I can’t see you no more. I know you can’t come back; I am trying to figure out if I was still dreaming or you really had died. I remember it was 12:20 a.m., December 5, 2003, I walked outside my room half scared and half unsure of what just happened. As soon as I walked outside my room, I saw my dad on the phone with his brother telling him that their mother has left them forever. At that moment I realized that you were gone forever. You had left me forever.

I still remember the time we spent together. I still remember how you used to take me to your friend’s house and I did not like it most of the time, but I came so I could be with you. Also when you used take me to church, you knew I only came for the candy they used to give out at the church. Remember when you used to pronounce my name wrong. You called me Jarqa instead of Zarqa. I always hated that. I always corrected you, but you never listened. Later I guess I just got used to it. I always felt that I was your favorite grand child. And you know what I know I was. Awais told me that when you were in the hospital you wanted to see me. I was the one you wanted to talk to.

You know what Dadi; your death has taught me one thing and that is no is there for you forever. I always thought that you would always be with me…always. But that’s not true. I mean I know you are there with me mentally and emotionally, but I want you to be with me physically. You know how much I miss you and I feel lonely without you, but I don’t let anyone see that.

Zoha always asks me that where Dadi is. And I tell her that she went God. Then she asks me why she doesn’t come back. She’s always with God. She never talks to me. Now you tell me Dadi, what should I tell her? Whenever Zoha asks me that I tell her that Dadi will come back pretty soon. She went to visit God so she could ask good things for you. I wish what I tell her can be the truth.

Dadi, I know wherever you are right now, you’re watching me, listening to me, and praying for me. And because of your prayers I am what I am today. Dadi, I just want to thank you for making me the person I am today. I really love you a lot Dadi, and miss you a lot. I can never forget the 12-13 years we spent together. I am so happy that I had a grandmother like you. I love you!
Love always,
Zarqa (Jarqa)