Warm air licks the back of my neck, as sunlight peels around the corner of the window, kissing my skin. The melodious sound of nothingness rang out, a raw and harmonious whistle that hung hidden inside our walls. The stare of my sister's familiar eyes dig into my back from their photos that still hang up on the mantle, their faces now washed over with a wave of forgetfulness. Their faces mock me as I stand to the side, their smiles jumping from face to face, and their crooked tiny teeth grit down on eachother. A solemn mood cast down on me like the sun rays that shone from above, my skin soaked it in like a sponge, as I carried on past the judgmental green eyes. The eyes we all shared. 

I slide my shoes off and toss them to the side, empty spots where others used to be, lay next to them. A substantial sigh fills my lungs, and a cool rush of air trickles down my spine. My whole life these rooms had sounds coming from all ends,  but I continued on, admiring the silence that echoed off the walls, and consumed the room. My backpack slid off my shoulder and to the side as I slumped onto our couches. There are still indents on the cushions next to me, and the pillows lay in disarray.  A flash of deja vu runs over me like a cold spring shower, leaving me wet and cold, a damp texture lingers on my skin. I can see Kendall sitting where I am now, headphones in her ears, pencil in her hand, scribbling something on a piece of paper. 

And to the left, the pitter patter of pounding callused feet, stomping against the hardwood, remained, soaked deep into the cracks of the floor. Our bodies collide together, and our fingers intertwine as we gallop gracefully through the midst of our adolescents. The music played in the background, as we let it take over, seeping into our veins and pumping radiantly behind our skin. But I watch it all fade into the woodwork below, and our memories sink beneath the surface. 

And to the right a hoarse screech of a melody rang out from all 4 of us, as we sang along while doing the dishes. Our fingers slide against the cool glass cups, soap soaking into our hangnails, an eternal sting that I somewhat longed for. The water roars from the sink, and bubbles sprout from old bowls and cups, just like a flower on a spring morning. The frothy bubbles ease into our skin as we throw heaps of it at each other, a shrill shriek of laughter that still lingers in the air. But now the laughter stays lodged in the drains, ringing it dry, and keeping it saved up for another time. 

My eyes shift over to the table, an old pair of cards display before me, the burnt out red smelt of old memories. I get a sense of deja vu as my fingers run over them, it crawls inside the cracks of my nails, like old dirt that I longed to pick away. I dealt out the cards before me, and I began to play one man euchre. I chuckled under my breath, I remember when me and my sisters had made the game up such a long time ago. So I continued, the cards leaving a bigger remark on me then I would have thought. 

Throughout the game, the name spoke to me, crawling in through my pores, and ringing in my head. One man, it screeched, pounding through my head, leaving a strange echo behind. That’s me, I thought to myself. I am the one man. The other 3 are yet to be found, as I continue to lay stranded in my kitchen, the cards that I felt before mock me. But the mock that they chanted, turned into more of a cheer. If I play my cards right in the game, i'll be alright, right? But will I play my cards right? How can I do all that I aspire to do on my own? Will I never be able to depend on my sisters, the people I had my whole life? 

These questions darted through my head like a bullet train, soaring to the left and the right, but I pushed them aside, and continued to play the cards. The worries that I had before evaporated into thin air, and the only thing that was left was the pure emptiness of the others around me. My sisters, though thousands of miles away, doing homework in their dorm rooms, seem to watch me and the cards as I play them. A loud thwack hits the table as I play the jack of spades, and I feel my heart start to flutter as I watch myself win a victory I so very much needed. I wonder if my sisters cheered in the distance, or if their hands clapped a joyous ring for me. But I would never be able to know, and so I made my own memory, without the comfort of my siblings, and the silence cheered a triumphant beat along with me. 

In one man euchre you don't have to depend on other people, through this I was able to learn to depend on myself. I saw this same thing play throughout my life, where as much as having the people you love around you all the time, you are the one in the end who has to figure things out on your own. While losing people can hurt, sometimes it is needed to help push you to where you need to be. So I will continue to go on through the day, and not let myself reminisce on the things I can no longer have. So while the memories I made with my sisters now waft around the walls around me, the smell of new beginnings emerges from the cracks. And to be honest, I kinda like it.