My Family
On the Refrigerator Door
Barrington IL, 60010

Dear Family,


Every day starts out exactly same. I wake up, shower, eat breakfast, go to school. After school I come home and depending on the day I crave a different drink. It might be juice or water or milk or soda or iced coffee. Usually I end up drinking juice (mostly orange) and then I chase it with water. There is a certain circumstance that I simply can not handle. I have not confronted you about this in a long time, but it is time to let you know how I feel.


On more than one occasion I have come home and been ecstatic that I can finally quench my daylong thirst. When I arrive at home I immediately dash to the refrigerator and yank out the orange juice container. I want to pour a HUGE glass of it and when I finally put the container to my glass and begin to pour….a little dribble oozes out of the container. It can not even be considered orange juice. It is more easily associated with…I don’t know, a sludge mixture of water juice and pulp. It practically does not even ooze, it slops out and plops into my glass.


I know that you did this, you always leave a little bit just so that you do not have to wash out the container and place it into the recycle bin. You purposely leave this trap for me so that you can walk out of the kitchen chore-free. Don’t think that I don’t see right through your clever little ploy here. I understand exactly what you are doing and don’t try any pathetic excuses to escape the blame.


It would not annoy me nearly as much if you either owned up to what you have done or if you had a legitimate reason for doing so. But the simple truth is that there is not reason for doing it and you know that. I know the usual routine, first you will completely deny that you performed this act. Then, after much persistence by me you finally admit defeat and accept the fact that I am right. Only then will you give me some lame excuse as to why this occurred. The most common is “But I could not fit it into my glass and left it in the carton.” I can not accept this, the amount left in the container was practically nothing.


There is a simple solution to this problem and I know I am a genius and can solve any problem but this is so easy its amazing to me that you can not figure it out. Or perhaps your feeble mind cannot process this information. Regardless, all that you need to do is take one little sip out of your glass and then pour the minuscule amount that is practically nonexistent into it. Then you can have the privilege of washing the container out and recycle it. It is mind boggling to me that you did not figure this out on your own.

Your Loving Brother/Son,
David