I’ve never been broken up with. I’ve never broken up with somebody. In fact, I’ve never lost someone I love, in any way. But I have lost something that I love. Ever since I lost it, my breath catches, just a little bit, whenever I think about it.

I used to be on my local paper’s teen section. It was called Satellite, and it was beautiful and amazing. I only wrote five or six pieces for it, but I expected to write many more in my next three years of high school. I blindly expected Satellite to be constant, a never changing thing, to be a guiding reference for all of my high school years.

I don’t know, how to describe what happened, as just me-teenager, who was affected. So I’ll describe it as a journalist. I’ll give you the facts.

Fact one: The newspaper fired the editor of Satellite.

Fact two: A lady, who was a former satellite editor, stepped in, for no extra pay, and was Satellite’s editor.

Fact three: The newspaper decided Satellite was no longer what they wanted, and got rid of all of the free teen writers by getting rid of the Satellite section.

Fact four: The editor (the one that had gotten fired), tried to get a local magazine to take Satellite on as a division of their company.

Fact five: Nothing came of that.

Now, coming out of my objective journalist state, let me tell you what I think of that: it stinks. It was about this time last year (June) that Satellite accepted me as a correspondent. It was sometime in July that I went to my first meeting. It was then that I experienced my first falling in love. I fell in love with the section I wrote for. I fell in love with my editor-in a totally non-creepy way. I fell in love with my fellow Satelliters. I fell in love with the atmosphere of it all.

I cannot put in to words what I feel on days when I remember that my Monday nights are empty now. That I don’t get to ride the elevator to the fifth floor, and hang out and bounce ideas around with amazing people. I don’t read the paper often now because honestly, it hurts too much. You can’t simply stop loving something because it ceases to exist. If that was true, no one would morn anything.
I know I cannot, and have no right to compare losing the opportunity and joy of Satellite to someone dying, or even getting broken up with. Plus I have no measure to know how much either of those hurts. I do know how incredibly painful it is to lose something that means the world to you, that means gaining experience that could help your future dreams.
I’ve moved on somewhat. I am finding new activities to join. To me nothing will equal Satellite, but there are things that will take its place in small, yet time-consuming ways, and force me to try new things, and be outgoing, just as Satellite did.