'Dear God, is this your plan? Did you want me to dwell in immense amounts of disappointments and
grief?? Many thoughts race through my brain, as I weep tears of hopelessness. Not being able to run
to daddy when I feel anxious or disgruntled, leading me to finding that missing piece elsewhere. It
took me to lose the only 'man' I knew, to better comprehend that I don't need him! My several
attempts of looking for love, led me to all the wrong places. Life taught me that not every girl can
be 'Daddy's Angel', but then again who needs a father anyway'


~Reminiscing on my younger days, my earliest memory is very vague. All I can remember is my
alcoholic 'father' struggling to recover from his addiction but losing my weary mother in the long
run. I never really understood exactly what was going on until I grew older. When my younger
brother, my mother, and I moved out, I not only lost everything I knew of a happy family, but I also
lost my father. Though he had plenty of opportunities to beg my mother back into his arms, he let
his kids down, because he didn't even try. The first man I knew and loved, I no longer respect. My
brother and I lost in the world looking for a real man to love us. Although my mother reiterated my
father's love for us, we could not get past his cowardice, which I came to know as the norm. In the
years to come I was forced to grow up in a sense. My brother and I both found love in all the wrong
places, but we had to do what we did to feel complete. In a world where a father is the person that
teaches you the importance of making it in society, we drowned in our ignorance to the subject. To
this day all I wonder is' What if' What if we had that 'fatherly' love we yearn for' What would life
be like' What if he was still in my life' I have been through so many tests and trials, that I
allowed to break me down and overwhelm me. I lost love and respect for my father, but learned to
live without it, on the road to an early adulthood.

~I begin to thank God for bringing me out of that dark place I dwelt in. I felt as if my father
didn't love me or my little brother, and that he had me in a accepting place, where I was fine with the
fact that It was my fault that he wasn't around, and I wasn't worthy. When I lost love for any man,
I found love in writing poetry, short stories, essays and more. My pain just flowed out of my heart
onto the canvas.. I became confident in my many talents and myself. I gained a stronger self-image,
and self esteem. Although I don't have a father at home, or in any parts of my life, I have me, and
that's what matters. I am a generous, outgoing, and outspoken female, with a beautiful mind, and a
loving mother' I am an author with the heart of a fighter, the strength of one million women, the
gentle hand of a mother, and the creativity of a great artist. Who once felt defeated in all aspects
of life, but is now going to be the first generation in my family to attend college. I made it a
point to make sure my brother is a better man and father than our dad. I found peace and tranquility
in my writing; besides God, only the pen and paper knew