I don't know what's gonna happen now,or if anything will happen or change. All I know is that Jean Luis is dead. He was what I thought the other half of me, our friendship filled gaps. Or was it love?

I'm not so sure. And I'll never be sure, cause he's not here to tell me. He's been dead since Monday the 26th, and I feel his presence already. His body will rot in the ground, but the love will remain ripe.

His funeral is on Feburary 2nd, and my god. I want to be there, but I can't. I want to see his eyes once more. Though they may be closed, but the windows in his eyes are still wide open. And I feel it's my need to close them.

Jean Luis, you were my friend, my everything. You listened, you spoke, you understood, you were just as torn apart as I am. But you have deepened the wound. It'll take a long time for it to heal, but the salt of my tears feels as if they were yours. I will name my son after you. I will. You were overall my biggest hero, ever. You taught me how to be spiritual, and peganism.

The scorching flames of lonliness are burning me alive. But your spirit is cooling down the heat. You still bring warmth to my heart. You are the wind, you are the fire, your are moon, thoughts of you sha'll keep me warm. As for the chill of night.


Forever more I may mourn. I will NEVER forget you, not in a million years.

Your heart is burning, just as you wished.