. As summer finished and school started I was excited for what would happen little I knew I shouldn’t have been. As I stepped on the bus there she was I didn’t think much about sierra over the summer but when I saw her I still remembered everything she did to him. As I sat down I knew she was waiting to tell me something what I heard next crushed my hopes. “omg so this summer me and jon talked and decided to get back together” “oh that’s so great” I lied “yea I am so exited” “I would be to “ I could honestly say I would be excited to see him to just not with her. About the second or third week after school there he was it was like he had changed a whole new person standing there before me. As he walked on the bus it looked as if he was going to say something to me but was I wrong. “Hey” he said so cheerfully to sierra “hey” she said. She was in one of her moods again which put him in one to. After a couple of day she wasn’t riding the bus anymore. I was happy because the less she was there the more me and Jon got closer. After a horrible day I was excited because I knew I would see Jon on the bus. That was the only thing making me happy. But I was wrong. I stepped on the bus excited as ever tears started to stream down my face my heart dropped and everything was so clear standing there in front of me was him but he wasn’t alone sierra was with him yet again. He looked so happy I knew what I had to do. While thinking the line behind me got irritated so I sat in the first open seat which thankfully was the second. My friend ria was in the seat in front of me she turned around and instantly knew what was wrong “is it Jon” “yes” I replied trying to hold back the sobs “ I have never felt this way before and now that I do well he isn’t even mine” that’s where I stopped I couldn’t speak anymore only cry. After that day I decided I wasn’t going to even speak to Jon anymore how could I? I felt like hating him but yet he did nothing wrong. So for the next week completely ignored everything he said to me with the occasional chat with sierra I would find out how he was doing I never felt good about ignoring him he always looked so sad I just wanted to shut the world out and have it just me and him but I couldn’t could I? It was 2 weeks later I found out they broke up. I was so excite sick right? But it wasn’t ever like I tried taking him for her I stayed as far away from him as I could and never told a soul how I felt in my mind I didn’t see anything wrong with everything I had felt. After about a week I thought they would be back together but they weren’t. Jon was getting more talkative and I was falling harder then I had before. He knew how I felt but I never thought he would feel the same. The next day when I got to school I heard that sierra was talking about me calling me anything and everything she could think of. Stuff like Jon would never like me and I needed to realize I was just his charity case put me over the edge. I hated everything my life my school everything until I stepped on the bus. Jon had a way of making me feel like I was actually somebody and I was important. After the drama between me and sierra settled down Jon asked me to call him I mean he emailed me his number a couple times but never actually asked me to. I didn’t know what to do I mean come on I knew I should have called him but something inside me told me not to yet. After the second time of him asking me to call him he called me. I was so nervous and didn’t know what to say. Then he asked to come over I said I’d ask thinking my mom would say no and then I wouldn’t have to explain to him why I had been so nervous. “Mom?” I said “do you think my friend Jon could come over to like meet you and hang out?” thinking she would say no she did the unthinkable saying “yea I guess if he wants to” my jaw dropped my eyes closed. Boy was I in for a night. So he came over talked with my parents for awhile then I went and meet his. He has the cutest little sister and the nicest parents ever. Was this real? I had to pinch myself to make sure and boy was i. we went back to my house that night and while sitting in the kitchen he asked me to be his girlfriend. “Umm of course” I replied trying not to sound as excited as I was. I mean after all I worked for I finally got what I wanted. Him. The first week everything was great. Then came the second but it wasn’t as great. I know fights happen and some people get over them and sometimes it’s not meant to be. But this fight just killed me I was so afraid of loosing something I worked so hard for I was pushing him away the whole time. The thing is I was in love before him but it didn’t work out because of me I didn’t want to see it happen again I mean i know it was me putting myself through the pain but it couldn’t have all been my fault. After awhile I got so tired of fighting I kissed him just to make it stop. It worked. All I ever want to do is make him happy but thins lingering feeling I was only pretending to be happy all the time. It started to bug me the second fight was not really considered a fight but I made it one. After awhile of things going good I was waiting for the worst to happen. I always wish I didn’t think that way but after being hurt how could I not?? One day we were at his house just hanging out when his “joking around” really go to me. That’s when it just got bad “I’m sorry I’m not the mature person you want me to be” what I said next was the worst “you never are” I regretted the words the minute the came out he turned away from me and wouldn’t talk. Great I did it again I thought. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it” I tried telling him that but he wouldn’t listen. I tired kissing him to just make it all go away but it didn’t work. Then he started talking “no no more kissing I know what your doing” I didn’t say anything “I know you think that will make me happy but you will end up still feeling bad blame it on yourself” “you keep trying to make me happy don’t you understand I am” those were the words that made me realize he did care “I’m just still so scared of being hurt everything good in my life ends when I start to relax” he understood ““it’s ok I understand how you feel… alone in this world like no one could understand” all I could do was lay there in his arms listening to his voice tell me everything was ok and now that we were together finally just him and me I believed him, I trusted him, and most of all I loved him.
It only been about a week since but every thing is more ok now I may not know what my future holds but I’m done worrying about it. No longer will I be afraid to be loved and no longer will I feel like I need to ruin it before they do. I may not know what’s going to happen but right now I’m just going to hope for the best and appreciate the love I have. The love that saved me….