One early morning during the summer of 2004, I was told that my grandfather has died. I was currently at my cousin’s house when my dad came to pick me up. Do you know the feeling when something just isn’t right and you know that something bad is happening? Well I do. My Dad walked in to the backyard when my friend and I were at the time swimming in my cousin’s pool. I looked up at him and looked at the expression on his face and it wasn’t good. He didn’t have like a face that he was very sad or unhappy, but when you looked in his eyes you could tell that something was wrong. I will never forget that day when my Grandfather died.

I remember how it all began. My Grandfather woke me up early one morning. This weekend I stayed the night at his house. Being nine years old I loved going to his house but didn’t really think that I wouldn’t see him again tomorrow. I thought he would always be there. I wasn’t preparing myself for what was to come the next year. As he woke me up he said, “Travis get up get up were going to church.” I then replied,” Yes let’s go to church,” and popped out of bed and got dressed as fast as I could. The highlight of the trip going to church when I was nine years old was the stop at Shipley Donuts. I remember loving to go to Shipley’s. I loved to eat the goodness of glazed donuts covered with chocolate icing. The donut look like a circle of greasy dough covered with a type of hard shell chocolate. It sounds kind of gross but it’s the best thing in the world. The greasy goodness melts in your mouth. It was the highlight of my whole week when I was nine years old. These moments were so very good and I miss them dearly, but my attitude to these trips was very poor. I took them greatly for granted, and don’t like myself for doing that.

The very next week he was diagnosed with lung cancer. This slapped me in the face so hard. When I heard the words come out of my Mom’s mouth saying that papa has lung cancer it felt like someone punched me in the face and threw me on the ground. I can’t even describe the pain I felt that day. If I had to put it in to words the pain in my heart would have to feel like someone just grabbing your heart and ripping it out right in front of you. Now when I look back at all of the times we had I feel so very bad that we could have had so many other good times than the ones that we had, and the times that I did have it just felt like I didn’t care if I spent time with him or not. I feel horrible saying this now but, that is the truth and I hate the truth with a very strong passion.

Once he got diagnosed with cancer I felt like I needed to be with him every time of the day. I tried to always to be around him even though I know that it still would not make up for all the good times we could have had if I just didn’t try to act like the cool kid and thinking hanging out with my grandfather wasn’t cool. I don’t know why I thought that, but I am very mad at myself for thinking that. When my Grandfather got diagnosed with cancer, I didn’t really know what to think, but when I found out I did the only I could do. I prayed to God to heal my Grandfather. I still remember the words that came out of my mouth when I first prayed for him to get cured from cancer. I prayed, “Dear God, please heal my Grandfather from the life taking disease of cancer.” I believe that God did cure my Grandfather from cancer, but just not the way I wanted him to. My Grandfather went to spend time with God, and that’s how I think God cured my Grandfather. Even though I know he is in a better place I still regret my choices.

Four weeks went by and my Grandfather was sent to ICU in the hospital. I did not like ever going to the hospital because it made me feel even worse about myself seeing him in the condition he was in. When I would see him I would feel that it was my fault for some reason even though there was no way I could of controlled of what happened to him. I also could not stand seeing him in the pain he was in. He had several blood clots in his arm that mad his arm and hand look like an inflated balloon. His face was so very pale he looked like a ghost, and worst of all he was in a coma so I couldn’t even talk to him his last few weeks of his life. He fought long and hard he survived another four weeks in the hospital until he passed. I remember the day he died like it was yesterday. My dad’s very words were when he told me was,” Travis I have something to tell you and I know you will take this very hard…. Your Grandfather has died.” I still remember the look on my dad’s face the day he died and I will never forget it. When I was told he died I felt like someone just took a knife and stabbed me right in the heart and the pain never went away. When I was told that he has died I was very upset, and I looked back and realized how selfish, and how much I took are time together for granted. I will never forget the day my Grandfather died.

My Grandfather has been dead for about four years now and I am not happy that he died, but I am happy that when he died he changed my life forever. Before he died I didn’t appreciate any of the time I had with him, and when it got closer to when he passed I cherished every second of it. I am not happy that it took a loved one of mine to die for me to realize that I didn’t appreciate the time spent with loved ones, but am forever grateful for my Grandfather’s life of Christ that I try to follow every day of my life, and I love the fact that he taught me to appreciate everyone no matter who the are or what they do.