Chances are if you're a high school junior, you're learning to drive. Some of us take Drivers Ed and some of us learn from our parents. Personally, I think all that education is a bunch of garbage. Driving is about style. It's not whether you drive safely or not; it's how you do it. Thus, I've come up with a few key rules.

The first major rule is if the car has no radio, GET OUT! A radio should be the first thing you look for, and if it's not there you should immediately evacuate the car. If for some reason you have no radio, have fun talking to yourself. The next rule: If you have a radio, it should be played at a deafening volume. No rap, please! And God forbid you listen to an oldies station. You should lose your license for that.

The third rule is a general one: It doesn't matter how clean your car is, it's how many people you can fit into it. Your parents may nag you to clean your car, but that doesn't matter. If you can fit three or four friends in the back seat, you're in good shape. Five is my best attempt yet!

Fourth rule: NO FUZZY DICE HANGING ON THE REAR VIEW MIRROR. Such a violation can result in the impounding of your car; a well-deserved penalty if I may say so myself. Stupid bumper stickers like "I Love NY" should be taken off immediately, and if you have one of those stupid stuffed animals in your windows, don't be surprised to see it gutted if you happen to leave your window open.

The next rule is not always necessary, but it is for me. Always leave your window open enough so you can stick your head through and yell at those jerks who cut you off. CAUTION: Just be careful who you yell at, and, if the person is bigger than you are, don't. This also happens to be a great way to release stress.

The sixth rule is to allow only three seconds for a stopped car to move before you relentlessly honk your horn. When he does move, don't stop honking.

Actually, I lied about driving safely (it is important), but lying is stylish too. Seat belts should be worn at all times, except if they crush your shirt. No one wants to show up to school with wrinkled clothes. Finally, never lock your keys in the car. It can be a long day if you do.

I think these rules are pretty easy to remember, so why not follow them? If you don't, who cares? Just don't pick me up. Happy driving!! c