Space, the final frontier, these are the voyages of the starship Enterprise, where everyone wears normal colored pants. Black, blue, kaki, pink, even yellow pants are acceptable in the world today, but call the fashion police because someone has committed a serious crime. Whoever thought that printing “galaxy” and “space” scenes on pants would be a good idea needs to talk to Piccard himself because even in the future, Galaxy pants are not permitted.





I don’t really understand the desire to wear these hideous pieces of clothing. Are they unique? Perhaps, at one point in time, before everyone owned them. Are they ugly? Most definitely. Galaxy pants should be left in the hall of fame of fashion crimes, right next to shoulder pads and socks with sandals. Countries around the world are already taking advantage of these horrendous pants. In China, for example, many schools force their dress code-violating students to wear Galaxy pants all day as the highest form of humiliation.
These Galaxy pants are printed with the same cheap ink found in your average pen. According to scientist, Dr. Doctor, they can cause discoloration of the skin. Strangely enough, this discoloration resembles the skin of many extraterrestrial beings, which may result in abduction or uncomfortable probing.
Reports have been sent in from police stations around the world because of the increase in missing persons. No serial killer is at fault this time, the culprit is, Galaxy pants. One report was sent in from a lady in Alabama that claimed to be walking down the street in her new Galaxy pants when a little girl tripped and fell through her pants. Scientists believe that she was lost to the far reaches of the Eagle Nebula, and the likely hood of saving her is “unmentionable.” (R.I.P Betty Lou.)
To make things worse, these pants should come with a warning label, advising people to wear a surgical mask within 10 feet of a pair of Galaxy pants. The toxic gases of Jupiter and Saturn have been reported to secrete from the galaxy pants which can cause severe illness and even death.


Finally, Galaxy pants don’t match anything. They only somewhat match other galaxy printed things, so unless you want to look like a picture from the Hubel Telescope I strongly advise not wearing them… or buying them… or even looking at them.
































































































For the survival of the human race, the stop of uncomfortable probing and most importantly, the stop of major fashion crimes, let us join together to destroy all Galaxy pants.