What is wallflower? A teenage outcast with alife no one wants and yet I am stuck with. You see for people like me, we don't understand love nor have any idea what it is. All we know is pain and agony, hiding it from the world. Learning to keep our mouths shut, how to be humiliated and how not to live but to survive. We are the true wallflowers, and for us there aren't any perks. It isn't what it's all cracked up to be. We all tolerate each other, but that's only because we understand pain. Trust me, If we didn't understand pain, we would be dispersed into the huge universe of highschool and social stauses and all that meaningless crap. Not stuck in one endless everlasting Cosmo, of the rejects, freaks and losers of our generation. And I would probably know what love is, except I don't . But this is what I know. I know how to hide bottles of alcohol, take a hit from a over used drug, and watch happy peoples lives from the sidelines. I know how to hide bruises with designer sweaters, and sneak out of hell with worn out converse. My day starts off with waking up and unhappily realizing I am still very much alive. I get dressed and avoid the countless bottles of wine, gin and spirits lying on the floor. Then proceed to the bus watching happy couples sit together and best friends laughing, and my spot is with the other wallflowers or in the forgotten seat where I can sometimes forget my own existence. Then the hellhole that is school, filled with a strange desire for acceptance and an even greater one to be invisible. Then when the endless day is over, I'll pretend every thing is good like I always do with the boys. We take a quick hit and laugh for a second, feeling as if everything wasn't so obsolete. Then i am home feeling the pain of a human hand against my head and the overwhelming stench of an over drinking drug addict. And that's the problem, I am the addict. Learnt from the very best. I drink until I cry myself to sleep and wish I was dead already. And dream of better places and better worlds and am filled with hope until morning. These dreams which have kept me alive. But between the dreams and morning, I sneak out and find just the tiniest piece of happiness. The feeling of watching the sun rise from the bleachers of our high school, experiencing the thrill of a good chase and the joys of crying our hearts out. A simple car ride filled
with music, and the never ending laughter of me and them and them and me. Despite all the pain and agony I have described to you, these moments make it all worth it. We are forever,this part of us lives in thousands of books and every teenage heart. We are wallflowers.