First and foremost I would like to thank all those individuals with impeccable hallway habits because you are truly the inspiration for my writing. My purpose in composing these helpful tips is to further educate you, the reader, on proper hallway etiquette. Kids just don't seem to have been brought up in a socially acceptable way these days'walking quietly minding their own business, respectfully speaking to others while keeping their voices at appropriate volume levels, and this occurs in schools, one of the most respectable institutions known to man'and I believe that it is time to do something about that. If you are one of those poor, lost souls wishing to be viewed as a respectable individual again, there is hope. My tips can help you to win points with others and feel successful and pleased with yourself.
The first lesson to learn almost always takes place in the morning. Your task as a polite and courteous student is to sit on the floor directly in front of a stranger's locker. Be sure that you don't know this person or may in any way be connected to them; this is only effective if done for a stranger. If you are an underclassman, make an effort to sit in front of the locker of an upperclassman, the results will be even more rewarding. Try to follow this person's daily schedule closely for a few days to ensure that you will be conveniently sitting at the locker upon their arrival. You may even choose to do this to the same person multiple times. This way they can be sure that this specific time during the day is completely devoted to him or her, and him or her only. In no time you will see this person's immense appreciation for you and he or she will most likely find a thoughtful way to thank you for this special attention.
This next tip can be done throughout all of the passing periods. You should make it your personal mission to cut someone off in the hallway and then walk directly in front of them very slowly, slower than they had been walking before you stepped in front of them. Continue doing this all the way to this person's class, even if it means you pass yours or are late to it. Nothing is worth more than the gratitude you will receive once the individual realizes what a selfless act you have done for him or her. If you sense that they are trying to get around you, give your best attempt to keep right in front of them. If after this you feel that you may be losing them, your last resort is to stop walking; just stop and begin talking to someone you see near you. Don't worry about whether or not it's someone you know, the person behind you won't stay long enough to see you talking. And remember, they may not seem happy now, but they will thank you later. As a side note, if you are particularly tall, be sure to find someone rather short to walk in front of. He or she does not really need to see where they are going, not as long as you are walking in front of them.
The following suggestion is a bit more risky for those of you shy individuals. It involves PDAs, or public displays of affection; however, this has proven to be the most effective way of gaining respect from those around you during the brief hallway periods. Now PDAs, as you may have imagined, involve things like holding hands, hugging, very loud giggling and shrieking and of course kissing. The key is the more inappropriate you feel the better for everyone else. It's true, the dirtier you are, the more pleasing it is to others. This works especially well when you and the other person involved do any of these things right next to people quickly stopping at their locker or trying to get a drink. Don't be afraid to get in there way; there is almost nothing more enjoyable than having to part two random strangers making out in order to retrieve a book or to get a quick sip of water. Now if you don't have a significant other at the moment, don't be shy, just find a random person in the hallway to do any of these things with. If this is too frightening for you, another option is to display any type affection with yourself; you'll find that this has an equally strong effect. You may even wish to devote some time during your classes to doing this. It is always pleasant turning down a quiet hallway while on a quick trip to the washroom to find two people acting out a PDA right in front of you.
These tips may seem a little bit crazy, but if you really want to be seen as an upstanding member of this community, they're the way to go. You will notice that all of these acts are about doing something for others; all of these tips are completely selfless. For a better outcome, you may wish to consider using more than one of these tips at a time. For example, feel free to make out with someone while sitting in front of a stranger's locker or you might try holding hands with someone while walking in front of another person (minimizing the chances of them getting around you). Another to go is to tag team with someone in order to act out these little plans. One person may distract the targeted individual by enacting a PDA while you quickly cut in front of him or her to slow his or her path down. Experimenting with these will produce better results, which I guarantee you will see in no time.